


Waltz #2

by imamotherfuckingstarlord



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Hunters, Dean Winchester - Freeform, F/M, Love, Protective Sam Winchester, Secrets, Supernatural Fandom - Freeform, castiel/reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-06-09 04:44:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 48,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6890701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imamotherfuckingstarlord/pseuds/imamotherfuckingstarlord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are a hunter, you're best friends with Dean and Sam Winchester. You guys live together at the bunker. Everything is great, when one day Castiel , the angel, comes to the bunker. He's shocked to see you. You've never seen him before in your life. What's going on? How come Castiel has this look in his eye, he acts strange around you. Something's going on, but you just don't know what.</p><p> </p><p>(the best I could do without giving away the plot)<br/>First go at fanfic. Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Waltz # 2

  You've been at the bunker going on 2 months. Ever since the boys came knocking on your door. The boys being the famous Winchesters. Just a couple of boys who've gone to hell and back. Pretty famous or should you say infamous, in the hunter community. Ellen sent them your way, when you needed help with a large nest of vamps in your city. You guys worked really well together and your apartment got pretty destroyed when a few of the vamps followed you guys back. You obviously took them down.

    The boys suggested you come back with them and stay awhile. They helped you pack your apartment, putting most of it in storage. You only took what you really needed and a few sentimental things, like your record player and vinyls. When you got to the bunker., which was pretty impressive, they told you to pick a room. You decided on one that was across from Dean's and next to Sam's. It reminded you of the dorms when you went to college. Over the first two weeks, with many Target runs, it started to feel like a real room. The boys knew then, you weren't going anywhere and they were glad to have you. The three of you, flowed easily between each other. You enjoyed goofing around and cooking with Dean. You loved doing research with Sam and going for hikes in the early mornings.

    In your life, you never really had anyone. Ellen and Jo were the closest you had to family. Your dad had been a hunter and you taught you the ways, but he always encouraged you to have a normal life. You got through high school and went to college, getting your BA in Education. But you always missed the hunters life, as odd as that may sound. It grew worse when your Dad died, heart attack, three years ago. Hunting, it made you feel connected to him. So you went to Ellen and tagged along on any case that came up. And you got good. Real good.

 You laid down on your bed, Elliot Smith vinyl on, you had your eyes closed.

_I'm never gonna know you now_  
_But I'm gonna love you anyhow..._

 You always loved this song, Waltz #2 , you can't remember the first time you ever heard it. You just always knew it. A knock on the door made you open your eyes, you sit up and say come in. Sam pokes his head in.

“Hey (Y/N), I'm headed to the store to pick up some beer and pizza, come?” You nodded and grabbed your converse from the floor and Sam came in and sat down on your recliner, watching you lace up your shoes.

“You really like this song” He smiled, picking up the vinyl slip and looking it over.

“I do, I'm surprised Dean hasn't complained about it” You say. Sam rolled his eyes and nodded.

“Black Sabbath or give me death” You say in my best Dean voice, throwing your fist up in the air, which made Sam laugh and shake his head. We headed out. You didn't take the Baby, Dean would not be happy. So the two of you hopped into your Fiat.

“You know, this car is way more roomier then it looks” You looked over at Sam, super freakishly tall Sam. He sat comfortably, with his seat as far back as possible. You listened to Johnny Cash, windows down.

 

“You've never seen the Office? Are you fucking kidding me!” You smacked Sam on the arm, he pretends to be hurt then laughs. You walked through the bunker, walking down the stairs, beer in your hands, pizza in Sam's.

“Dean!” You yelled.

“We got pizza and beer. We are so watching the Office on Netflix!” You continued to shout. You guys walk into the living room.

“Dean!” Sam yelled, you put the beer down and grabbed the pizza from Sam.

“Go find him, I'll get the show on” You watched Sam disappear into the kitchen. You turn on the flat screen TV and xbox one. You sign into your account, reminding yourself that you needed to get a rematch with Dean on COD. You're going through Netflix, when you hear voices coming from the kitchen. Out walks Sam and Dean, you smile. Then someone else walks out. You suddenly feel this ping in your stomach. You watch this man, who had brown hair, like rolled out of bed hair, trench coat and the bluest eyes you ever seen. He looks up at you, stops dead in his tracks. The pensive look on his face, throws you off. He looks shocked, Dean and Sam see your face and turn around.

“Cas , what's wrong”. Dean asks. Cas? Castiel?

Why did that name pop in your head?

Why did that name feel so familiar?


	2. That's What She Said

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally come face to face with the angel, Castiel.

You watched Castiel, if that was his name. Turn around and walked back into the kitchen. Dean gave you a small smile and headed after him.  
“What the hell?” You look at Sam, who looks as dumbfounded as you. He shook his head and walked to you. You hand him a beer and you guys sit next to each other, your shoulders touching. This level of comfort between you guys, it was easy to achieve. 

“Is that Castiel?” You leaned your head back to look up at Sam, who gave you a weird look.  
“How do you know about Cas?” A good question. You shrugged and pressed play. The familiar sounds of The Office eased you. You opened a beer and sipped it. Sam put his arm around your shoulders, you leaned in. It didn't take long for Sam to laugh. His whole body moved, causing you to move. 

Just then Dean walks out of the kitchen, followed by Cas. You and Sam look up, Cas looks from Sam and you, his eyes squinted. The ping in your stomach comes back.  
“Hey Cas, you okay?” Sam asked, you sit up, causing Sam to take his arm away from you. Cas's face relaxed.  
“Yes, I am sorry. I was not expecting you to have company. My apologies.” He stood there as Dean came to the couch and planted himself between you and Sam. You nudged him and handed him a beer. He leaned in to kiss you but stopped. You made a face at him and looked up at Cas.

“Cas, this is Y/N. She's a hunter. She moved in with us about 2 months ago” Sam looked over at you , you nodded. You stood up and walked over to Cas. You held out your hand, your eyes meet and he smiled weakly. When your hands met, you felt a surge of warmth run through your body. You quickly retreated your hand.  
“I'm Castiel” His name came out in almost a whisper.  
“Angel of Thursday” You say, not knowing where that information came from. He nodded, holding back something.  
“Nice to meet you Castiel. Beer? Pizza?” You offer, he nods. He sits down on a chair next to the couch, you go back to your seat next to Dean. You all watch the first 4 episodes, the boys seem to like it, especially Sam. You slowly start to get tired, so you lean into Dean, who tenses up. You find it odd. You catch Castiel's eye, he turns away,looking at the TV. You take your fifth beer and finish it. You feel buzzed and try standing up, but since you're a light weight, you fall back down and laugh. Dean laughs at you and Sam gets up.

“Come on lightweight” He walks around and you take his hand, which pulls you up. You lean into him and grab his hand. You turn around, Castiel is looking at you. That pensive look on his face again.

“You silly bird” You say to him, he freezes.

“Your face will stay like that” You laugh lightly and Sam shakes his head,

“Sorry Cas, she's a little under the influence.” Dean says. Still holding Sam's hand, you lean in to grab another beer from the case and kiss Dean on the head. You say goodnight and let Sam walk you to your room. 

“What's wrong with him?” You ask Sam.

“He's an angel” Angel? Right. I forgot about Angels. Demons were real, why not. A hunter's life is never one short of shocking.

“Explains it then” You laugh at yourself and Sam opens the door to your room. You sit on the edge of your bed. You kick off your shoes.

“Play my song please” Sam nodded and goes over to your iPod, connects it to your speakers and pressing the song , putting it on repeat. He comes over and kisses you on the head.

“Night dork” You watch him leave, leaving the door slightly opened. You listen to your favorite song, falling asleep during the first chorus. 

 

Sam returns the living room. Cas and Dean are sitting down, beer in Dean's hand.

“What's up?” Sam asks, as he takes a slice of pizza and sits down.  
“How did you come to meet Y/N?” Cas asks the boys.  
“Through Ellen, she needed help with a nest of vamps.” Dean said, he looked over at Sam and gave him a look.  
“Cas, what's going on?” Sam asked.  
The angel looked nervous, his face was telling. He sighed.  
Cas sighed again. Dean looked annoyed.  
“Cas, just tell him already” Sam looked at Dean, he knew something.  
“Y/N” he paused “ We have a history” Cas nodded along with his words. History? Sam was confused.  
“She didn't seem to know you”, Sam pointed out. Dean noticed a hint of panic in his brothers voice. Cas cleared his throat, the brothers look at him. 

“Well, I had her memory erased.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hope you all like this chapter, sorry if there any grammatical errors. I'm about to head out to work, but I wanted to post this chapter before I left. I hope you enjoy! I already have chapter 3 written!  
> thanks guys!


	3. Us.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas have a talk while you and Sam enjoy a morning run. Both situations reveal some interesting information.
> 
> (that sounded way better in my head, but that's all I got. ENJOY!)

You slowly wake up, your favorite song was still playing. You feel groggy. The clock says it's 7 am. You force yourself up. You change out of the jeans you feel asleep in, putting on your running shorts and shoes. You keep the old Bad Religion shirt on , it was your dads. You decide to leave the song on, just to annoy Dean. You walk out of your bedroom, leaving the door wide open.  
Sam was in the kitchen, he's been up for an hour now. He could hardly sleep, not with everything that Cas said, hanging in the air. He sipped his coffee and looked up as the kitchen door opened.  
“Morning”, you smile. Sam grins and holds up his coffee mug. You nod and grab your favorite mug and make yourself a cup of joe.  
“Ready for our run?” Sam asks. He stood there, wearing a plain white shirt and blue basketball shorts. You look up at him and he smiles. You slowly put your cup down, pretending to think about it. Suddenly, catching Sam off guard, you turn and dash out the kitchen.  
“Hey!” You hear Sam yell, as you run up the stairs, laughing to yourself. You open the bunker door and run into Dean. You stop, laughing, holding the door from the outside shut. You look behind Dean and see Castiel. He doesn't make eye contact with you. 

“I'm making breakfast,” Dean holds up the bags in his hand.  
“Did you bring peanut butter and bananas?” You ask, laughing even harder, because Sam is trying to open the door. Dean makes a face and nods. “Thanks!” Sam was strong. “Come on, help a girl out” You laugh at Dean. He smiles that damn smile, taking the door knob.  
“I'll give you a 30 second head start” You run past the two men, but you turn around, running backwards.

“Hey birdy!” You say to Castiel, who gives you a small wave. 

“Dean! Open the damn door!” Sam yells, Dean chuckles at Cas, who is looking towards the direction you ran off too. Dean yanks the door open, sending Sam stumbling over. He catches himself, stopping in front of Cas.

“Hey Cas, um, I gotta go” he gave the angel a small smile and takes off.

Cas and Dean walk into the bunker, making their way to the kitchen,

“Are they close?” Cas asks, his blue eyes forever looking sad. Dean shrugs.  
“They get along real well. They like the same things” Cas hands Dean the bag of groceries he was carrying.  
“Are they involved sexually?” Cas asked. Dean choked and made a funny face.  
“Jesus, Cas!” Dean looked at the angel, who stood there thinking.  
“Listen, I need to know everything” Dean says. Cas nodded and sat down on a stool, facing Dean as he took out pans to cook. 

“And..” Dean hesitates, “ I don't know if Sam and Y/N are involved..uh sexually. If they are, I sure as hell didn't know” Cas knew Dean was being truthful.

“So, tell me everything.”

 

Cas started at the beginning.  
“She called to me. To me” Cas hesitates, thinking of that very day. He looked down and cleared his throat. Dean watched the angel and saw something he hadn't seen before. A spark in his eyes.

“Anyways, you need to know something about Y/N ,” Cas straightened up, Dean stopped cracking eggs to listen.  
“Her soul has lived many lives. I'm not sure what number this life is” Dean's eyes grew wide then he held out his hands. Stopping Castiel from going any further.  
“What the hell do you mean?”  
“Not all souls go on to heaven, some choose to go on to another life. To be born again. Y/N was one of them. When I knew her, when I first met her, she was named Josephine.” Cas lost his train of though. He thinks of the day you called to him. He heard your voice say his name. He was surprised, he wasn't an angel many called upon. He went to you. 

“Cas?” Right. The blue eyed angel looks up at his friend.  
“She called for me and I went to her. She jumped when I appeared behind her. Josephine smiled and said my name. She knew I would come. She was so happy to see me, jumping up and hugging me. It was the first time I've even been hugged, by a human. Her sister was sick, dying. She begged me to help her” Cas stops and thinks of Josephine. Her long brown hair was in a braid, she wore a light blue dress. 

“Well, I helped her sister, she had pneumonia. But back then people died of that more often then now” Cas explained.  
“Back then? When was this?” Dean's eye brow raised. Cas squinted, thinking.  
“I can not remember the exact date, but it was during the early 1900's,” Dean choked again.  
“Do you need water?” Cas asked. Dean rolled his eyes.  
“Are you kidding me” Dean shook his head.  
“Dean, this is not a joke.” Cas seemed annoyed, Dean backed down. Suddenly, the two friends hear voices coming towards them.  
“We'll talk later” Cas nodded in agreement. 

 

You ran as fast as you could. Running up the hill, making your way to the woods. You look back, Sam is catching up. You smile and push yourself to go faster. The trees provide a nice shade as you run, jumping over the tree roots, trying to get to the spot before Sam. You turn again, didn't see him. Smiling in victory, you finally make it to the small clearing. It was just a small grass area among the trees.  
“Beat you” You look up to see Sam walking around from a tree. You shake your head and laugh, “You cheated, you took the damn detour!” Sam nodded and walked towards you. You collapse on the ground, legs spread out in front of you. Slowly catching your breath, Sam sits next to you. Sweat beads on his forehead, you take your hand and wipe them away. Then wiped your hand across his arm. Sam rolls his eyes and looks down at you, but you're busy looking off towards the tree. He thinks of what Cas said about your memory being erased. After he said that, Sam got up and left the room. He couldn't believe, didn't want to. He had walked to your room, peeking inside. You laid fast asleep, music still playing. Sam was worried. 

“Dean's making breakfast, we should head back” You say, bringing Sam back from his thoughts.You stand up and hold your hand out to Sam. He takes it and stands up. You linger, his body is close to yours. His hazel eyes meets yours. His smile melts you away, you place your hands on his waist. He has to lean down to reach your lips. You get on your tippy toes. He cups your face and you two kiss. Sam's kiss was full of desire and longing. You let a moan escaped through your lips. He gently pulls back.You run your hand through his hair, resting your hand on his shoulder.

“We should tell Dean soon” You say. Sam sighs. This thing between you two was still fresh. It happened three weeks ago. You both stayed up binge watching on Netflix. Not realizing it, you snuggled up against Sam, who welcomed it. He placed his arm around your shoulder, after a while you noticed he was caressing his thumb against your shoulder. You looked up at him, he smiled. And you just wanted to kiss him. You just wanted to feel his warmth against you. So you kissed him and he didn't hesitate. It felt like he was just waiting for it, anticipating it. Maybe even hoping for it. It seemed natural. You both fit naturally together. After that night, you two started sneaking off, going to movies, the bookstore. Just spending alone time. Slowly, but surely, falling for each other. 

“Yeah, your right. But lets give it sometime” Sam kisses the top of you head.  
“Come on, I'll give you a ride back” You laugh as he bends forward, you hop on his back. You kiss his neck as he walks you back.

 

Resting your head in the nook of his neck, you never felt happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, currently working on the fourth. Should be updated by tomorrow night. Please leave feedback, I would really like to know what you guys think!
> 
> thanks again!


	4. You and I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Castiel finally have alone time.

“Come on, pack a damn punch!” Dean huffed at you. You grew angry and swung at him, he blocked it but then you got him in the stomach. He leaned forward and moaned. You hit your fist together, the punching gloves felt good on you. 

“That's what I'm talking about.” No cases were coming in, it had been 3 weeks of relaxation. The three of you started getting antsy. Dean suggested that a brush up of your combat moves would help ease the cabin fever. So that whole week, every morning after your run with Sam and before breakfast, you and Dean spent that time training. Dean wanted to get you alone mostly. Cas had started spending more time at the bunker, Dean knew it was because he wanted to be near you. Dean was also aware that something was brewing between you and Sam.   
“Alright, let's go.” Dean motioned you to come towards him, his eyes smiled at you.   
“You smug son of a bitch” You whispered. He heard you and smiled. You rushed at him, he blocked your advance. He moved to hit you on the stomach but you pushed yourself back. Dean threw his fist at your arm, but you were quick enough to grab it and get him in the gut. You used your foot to take Dean down, he landed on his back. You put your foot on Dean's stomach and smiled.

“Better?” Dean was catching his breath, nodded and grabbing your leg, knocking you off your feet. You land on your butt, you feet over Dean's stomach.   
“Ass” You laugh. Dean grabs you leg and holds it.   
“Listen, Cas is coming over.” You sit up, using your elbows to hold you up.  
“Okay, cool. Let me cook dinner” Dean moaned.  
“Come on!” Dean groaned. You slap his leg, until he agreed.   
“So, let me ask you question” Dean sat up, pulling your leg, making you move closer to him. You huffed and sat up.  
“What?”  
“What's going between you and Sammy?” You blushed and laughed.  
“I have no idea what you're talking about” You get up and put you hands in the air. You grabbed your water bottle and start walking out the door.   
“No idea!” You yelled. Dean watches you leave, he knew something was coming. He hated knowing things, he hated keeping secrets. Especially from you. 

“We're going on a beer run” Sam came threw the kitchen door. You stopped cutting the chicken to look up.  
“Can you bring me some wine?” You smile nicely and Sam nods, he turns to leave but comes back around to you. He kisses you lightly on the lips and leaves. You go get your iPod and put your headphones on. Lady Gaga comes on, you sing aloud, as you pour the oil on the pan,. You sing aloud, taking the chicken and placing on to the pan. You start cutting the tomatoes for the salad. You start dancing along and swaying your head, singing to no one. You waved the knife in the air, your favorite part was coming on.   
“You and I! You and I! You and I!” You practically screamed, closing your eyes “Got a whole lot of money but we still pay rent! Cause you can't buy a house in Heaven!” You open your eyes to find Castiel standing in the kitchen doorway. He has a small smile on his face. You jump, the knife slipping from your hands, you grab it with your other hand, giving yourself a cut on your palm.

“Holy shit, uh, I mean crap, you scared me!” You laugh but wince, the cut stings.   
“I'm sorry. You sing loudly. Are you hurt?” He walked towards you, you show him your hand, it was bleeding. He hesitates but then reaches for your hand. His skin touches yours and you feel electricity run through. You jump back, nervously laugh. He stares at you.   
“Stop staring at me” You joke, he quickly looks down at your palm.  
“I can fix it if you want” His blue eyes cut through you, you nod. You watch him take two fingers to your cut and suddenly your cut was gone. You raise your hand to your face, examining it.   
“Wow, thank you.” You can't help yourself, you engulf the angel in a hug. He stiffs,but relaxes and slowly hugs you back. Something strange happens, a hint of familiarity hits you, hard. You close your eyes for a moment . An image comes to your mind, a cabin, woods, meadow. Your eyes break open. You pull back from the angel and stare at him. He looks incredibly sad. He looks like how you feel.  
“Are you okay?” He asks. You still have you hand on his arm, you quickly remove it.   
“I, just, never mind” You shake it off. Smile, but Castiel doesn't let you off  
“No, tell me” His deep voice, it comforts you.   
“I suddenly just feel really sad” You say honestly. But then you shrug it off.  
“I'm being silly. I'm sorry, wanna help me?” The angel is looking at you, trying to figure you out, but he quickly changes modes. He helps cut the tomatoes , you show him how you cook the chicken. You feel glad to have this moment with him, it feels like he's starting to become comfortable with you.  
“Can I ask you a question?” Cas looks at you, you nod.

“Why do you hunt? It is very dangerous” The chicken is almost done, you fluff the mash potatoes.  
“My dad was a hunter, he was all I had. No siblings, my mom, well she died when I was young” Cas listened intently, but he couldn't help but stare at you. You looked liked you did when he knew you. Same color hair, same brown eyes and the same full lips. He wondered how many lives you lived. He thought of the last time he saw you. It was only 2 years ago. He was ashamed, he shouldn't have spied on you. He was with Dean and Sam, helping them with a case, in the city you lived in. He didn't know you lived there, but he could feel you. Dean was pretty mad when he vanished on them, but he couldn't help himself. It was like a tug, something was calling out to him. He found you at your apartment. You couldn't see him, but he was there. He felt the a pain in his chest when he finally laid eyes on you. It had been years, decades. Centuries, it felt like. You were sprawled on your couch, listening to Waltz # 2. A song Cas grew to know, it was always stuck in his head. You had your eyes closed, softly singing along. But for Castiel, it was all too much. Watching you, it just brought him pain, too many memories. He looked down at you and hoped the life you were leading was a good one. He vanished and pushed you back into the depths of his core. He never saw you again, until now. All he wanted to do was just bring back your memories. So you would know the truth, but he felt undeserving. You seemed happy. He didn't want to ruin that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far. Things are coming together now. I think within the next chapters, I'll be focusing on Castiel and the reader's relationship. So bare with me, things will start unfolding.
> 
> Please leave comments and feedback. I want to know what you think of the story so far and if you have any suggestions!
> 
> THANKS !


	5. God Only Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes all you need is a little Beach Boys to get things rolling.

“More wine!” You laugh, holding your glass up. Dean smirks, shaking his head, but gladly fills your glass right back up. He likes drunk you, the life of the party. Dean watches you smile and realizes then how much you mean to him. He looks up and sees Sammy and Cas sitting around the table. Although, Cas doesn't eat, he occasionally takes sips of his wine, which is now half empty. Dean feels content right at this moment, but he also can't help feeling a sense of dread. For now, he pushes those feelings down and enjoys his family. 

“Cas, how's it going up there in heaven?” Dean looks over at the angel, who shrugs, clearly relaxed.  
“No! No!” You groan, “No work talk” sending pleading eyes to Dean. Sam smiles and nods.  
“Okay” The older Winchester changes the subject, asking Sam if he heard of any new cases. You drink your wine, it was your third glass. You were definitely feeling it now. Your eyes wander over to Castiel, he was taking a sip from his wine. You feel a tugging inside you stir. His blue eyes, damn near startling, met yours. You quickly looked down and took another sip from your wine. 

“Y/N,.this was really good”, Sam steals your attention and you smile at him. His puppy dog eyes makes you want to run your hand through his hair.  
“Thanks, Castiel helped me” The angel immediately looks up at the mention of his name, he nods, his cheeks flushed.  
“We need dessert!” You suddenly yelp. Dean perked up and nodded in agreement.  
Sam rolled his eyes and groaned, “Ah, come on guys. No pie” 

“PIE! PIE!” You chant , getting louder as each “Pie” came out, you started banging your fist against the table. Dean joined in.  
“PIE! PIE!” You both yell in unison. Castiel looks alarmed and says to Sam, “You should get them pie” in the most serious voice. Sam rolls his eyes.  
“Fine, I'll go get pie” He stands up, he was so tall. You look up at him, he was a skyscraper.  
“I'll get more beer too,” Sam leans in and kisses you on the brow, catching himself, realizing he slipped in front of his brother and Cas. You turn red and can't bring yourself to make eye contact with anyone.  
“Uh, yeh. Okay, be back” Sam mumbles, he starts walking away, towards the stairs. Dean stands up, throwing his napkin on the empty plate in front of him  
“I'll go with, you'll get the wrong pie”  
“There is no wrong pie!” You say to Dean, he beams down at you, “That's my girl”. And as if he was trying to make it less awkward that Sam kissed you, he places a small kiss on your head.  
“Be back Cas,” the angel nods. You smile the quiet angel, then your eyes widen. He looks startled, but you turn.  
“ICE CREAM, TOO!” You yelp. The angel, he can't help himself, he smiles.

“I'll help you clean up,” Castiel stands up and starts grabbing the empty plates. Together you take all the dishes to the kitchen sink.  
“The boys can wash them.” You look at the angel, but you don't stare too long. Something happens when you look into his eyes.  
“So, what kind of music do you like?” You started towards the kitchen door, heading to your room. Castiel doesn't move.  
“Well, come on” You smile and the angel follows you.

When Castiel walks into your room, he doesn't know what to do. He looks around, he sees that you made it your own. He spots a picture frame on your desk, without thinking , he walks over to it. You are too busy going through your vinyls, trying to decide what to play for the angel. You grab your Bad Religion LP, but laugh at yourself, deciding it might be the wrong choice. You don't notice Castiel picking up the framed photo of your dad and you. You dad was a tall man, handsome with dark brown hair and eyes. He really was a looker, the ladies loved him. But he never fell in love again, not after your mom passed. You were glad to have him for yourself, but now you wished he had found love again. The angel looks at the photo, sees the same brown eyes and dark hair, the way you smiled, it reminded him of.. Castiel stops any further thought, placing the frame down and turning to you.

“Okay, I think I found a good one” You stand up and show Castiel a record.  
“Sit down little bird,” You tease him. You swear you see the angel blush. Castiel takes a sit on the edge of your bed. You take the vinyl from it's sleeve and hand Castiel the album slip. He takes it and stares at the cover.  
“Pet Sounds?” He looks confused. You take the needle,placing it in the correct spot, so the song you want plays.  
“Like a dog?” Castiel tilts his head and stares at you. You can't help but laugh.  
“No Castiel, it's the Beach Boys. Just listen” You sit next to him, your shoulders almost touch. You hear the crisp noise the record plays right before a song. The music comes on and you close your eyes. The wine has a relaxing effect on you, you lay back onto your bed. 

“Is that the correct way to listen to music?” Castiel gives you a curious look. You giggle.  
“Sure” You watch the angel slowly move down next to you. 

_Well, its been building up inside of me, for , oh I don't know how long.._

The song plays loudly, the two of you lay there. You have your hands on your stomach. It takes you a minute, but you bravely turn to Castiel. His eyes are closed, his face relaxed. It's such a sight, you can't bring yourself to look away. 

Then you feel it, again. This tugging in the pit of your stomach. Was it the wine? You wanted to believe it was. Deep down, in the depths of your existence, you knew. It was the angel. His eyes remained closed, so you studied his face. His lips were opened a little, the scruff on his face, the way his brown hair was combed off to the side. It was familiar. It felt like someone was pulling your strings, you couldn't help it, your hand reached over and touched his cheek. Castiel opened his eyes and turned his head to look at you.  
You felt tears forming in your eyes, his blue eyes pierced through you. “Who are you?” you ask. The angel reaches out to touch your face, but instead sits up and reaches for your hand. Castiel allows himself to let go, to stop holding back. He takes your hand, pulling you up and gets off the bed.

“Get up”, he softly commands. It's like your body is in control, because you wipe your eyes and stand up. The twoof you face each other, he's a couple of inches taller than you. He takes your hand, placing them around his neck. You let out a nervous giggle, even if you wanted to, your body can't move. The tugging inside you, it's tugging towards the angel. You realize how absurd it sounds in your head, but there's no other explanation. He simple has some kind of hold on you. He smiles at you and places his hands around your waist.  
“Dance with me” He says, his words coming out sounding like a slight plead. You can't help but obligated. You can't help a lot of things. He pulls you closer, you feel your body repsond and blush. You don't want him to notice, so you place your head against the angel's chest, feeling him lean into you. Castiel moves his head into the nook of your neck, the warmth of his breath on your skin. It makes you shiver. 

The next song that comes on is _God Only Knows_ and you can't help but laugh to yourself. A song that mentions God and here you are, dancing with an angel. Swaying to the song together, Castiel can't help but feel content. He feels the warmth of your body. Your smell, it's all the same. His heart is full, it's almost like you never left him. He thinks of when you were Josephine, he would dance with you in the cabin. Dance with you, just like he did now. Your head resting on his chest, he would sing to you. Every single time the two of you danced, you'd ask him, “ Can we stay like this forever?”And he would smile at you and say yes. Every time.

The room is quiet, only the music, which echos throughout the bunker. You pull away , enough to look up those blue eyes. The tugging, it won't stop. Are you going crazy? You don't know. Your heart starts to race as you peer deep into those blue eyes. You see something in your mind. A faded image, is it a memory? A vision maybe, you think. You close your eyes for a moment. You see Castiel standing in a clearing, green grass all around him, you see tall trees in the distance. He's not wearing his trench coat, but a long black wool coat. He smiles at you, one that melts you away. You walk towards him. He embraces you, kisses you on the forehead. He's saying something, but this vision, is mute. Like a silent movie. He looks so happy as you watch him bend down, arms spread out. You turn to see what he's smiling at, but it all fades away. It vanishes. 

The angel's name comes out of your mouth in a harsh whisper. Are you being possessed? You don't feel right. You've never been so scared. And for you, a hunter, someone who kills monsters for a living. That is saying a lot.  
“What's going on?” You stand still, looking up at Castiel.  
“Don't worry, I'm here” He says, pulling you into an embrace. The beating of your heart becomes faster as he takes your face in his hands. You blush so hard as he leans forward. His head closer to yours. You close your eyes and wait. Wait for what seems like eons, but you wait patiently. Then it hits. His lips against yours. The taste of him, mixed with wine. The warmth of his mouth, something connects within you and you can't hold on any longer. In this moment, nothing matters to you, your mind goes blank. You kiss him back, full of eagerness, you run your hands through his hair. Your core starts to ache, it's enough to kill you. 

“GUYS WE GOT THE PIE!”, the two of you jump back at the sound of the older Winchesters voice echoing inside the bunker. Suddenly, the veil comes down, your mind was clear again. You think of Sam and guilt comes over you, overwhelms you. You walk over to the record player and stop it, Castiel straightens his trench coat out, you don't know why, but that small little action. it makes you smile.  
“I'll go first” He looks at you, his deep voice comforting you. He walks out the door, leaving you there. You sit on the edge of your bed, what just happened? You feel hungover and all you can think of is Castiel in the clearing. His black coat. The genuine happiness that vibrated from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I rewrote this chapter 4 times. But I'm pretty happy with the way this one turned out. 
> 
> Are you guys happy with the length of this chapter? Should I go longer or shorter?   
> Any suggestions would help, so please comment,
> 
> Thanks!


	6. You Got Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have a talk with Dean.

You walk into the kitchen, Dean's serving the pie. He looks up and smiles at you. He really was attractive. You wonder why he can't settle down, any women would be damn lucky to have him. But you remember, a hunter's life, well it's an unstable one. 

“Here” Dean hands you a plate full of pie.  
“Where's Sam and Castiel?” You ask taking a bite, you moan, “Oh god, this is so good” Dean smirks.  
“Sam's in his room, he was changing. I don't know. Cas said heaven was calling” Dean shrugged, eating his pie.   
You lean against the counter eating. Was heaven really calling? Or was that just an excuse. You run through what went down in your room. You think of Sam, you have to tell him. But wouldn't that cause friction between the boys and the angel? You groan to yourself. And what about those images you seen. Maybe you really were going crazy. Like your mom. You sigh. Maybe that's what's happening, cause you to have these delusion. You take another bite of pie. But why only when the angel was near you. It could be some kind of angel effect that's causing the crazy in you to come out. You groan.

“Enough! Already.” Dean's grunt makes you jump. You look dumbfounded.  
“What?” You ask with snark filled in your voice.  
“You're moaning and groaning over there. What the hell is wrong?” Dean gives you a stern look. You stare at the Winchester and contemplate whether you should tell him anything. Then Dean's face softens and his eyes look concerned. You put your fork down and stand up straight.  
“My mom killed herself” Dean tries to hide his shock face, cleared his voice.  
“Don't worry about it. Anyways, she was mentally unstable. She was seeing things that weren't there, hearing things, I mean she was off the rails. She couldn't take it anymore, so when I was 3, she shot herself with one of my dad's hunting guns” Dean looks uncomfortable.  
“Seriously Dean, it's fine. I'm telling you this because.” You words fade. You can't even bring yourself to say the words out loud. Dean puts down his plate and walks over to you. He puts his hand on your shoulder.

“Listen, it's okay. I'm here for you” His voice soothes you, but you can feel tears swelling up.   
“I think I'm going crazy, like my mom.” Tears fall down your face.   
“I'm so scared Dean” His name comes out as a sob. You can't stop once you start. You feel yourself falling to your knees, but you never make it. The older Winchester grabs you and scoops you up in his arms. He carries you to your room. You hold on to him so tightly, crying into his neck. Dean feels his shirt getting wet, but he doesn't care. Somethings going on with you and he doesn't know what. He sits down on your bed, still holding you. He lets you cry for what seems like hours, he holds you until you cry yourself to sleep. And when you pass out completely, he lays you on the bed, removing your shoes and placing a blanket on you. He stares down at you, your face is pink and even in your sleep, you look worried. He has this feeling that this all has to do with Cas and your past. He feels angry, because he has no answers. He doesn't know how to fix you. Dean kisses you on the head, turns your lights off and closes your bedroom door. 

Sam is standing outside his bedroom door.   
“Shit, you scared me” Dean scoffs at his younger brother.   
“What's going on?” Sam looked to his brother. Dean was feeling angry now, at who, he wasn't sure.  
“She's your girlfriend, take care of her” He huffed, storming off. Sam stood there confused. He looked towards you door. 

There's a shift in your bed that startles you. You groan and turn. Sam's hazel eyes meets yours.   
“You okay?”” His voice comes out as a whisper. He pushes your hair away from your face, your eyes feel sore.   
“You know how my mom was?” Your mouth felt dried, so your words came out raspy.  
You had told Sam about her two weeks into living at the bunker. After a run, you guys collapse at the clearing, laying there. You told him everything. He listened intently, not interrupting. And when you were done talking, he smiled at you. Said he was glad you felt like you could tell him something so important. 

Sam's waiting for you to go on.  
“I think it's happening to me too” If there was any tears left in your body, you'd cry, but you can't. Sam stares at you, thinking.  
“It will be okay, you have me” He smiles, pulling you into his arms. You think of Castiel and you feel ashamed. You had to stop this, you want to just get back to the way things were. When all you thought about was Sam and being with him. 

But every time you closed your eyes, all you saw was blue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all are enjoying what I have so far!
> 
> Please leave comments/feedback
> 
> Chapter 7 is coming soon.


	7. Baby, I'm Crying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A park, a bench, just you and the angel.

You sat in the back seat of the black Impala. Dean was playing Bob Seger, you didn't mind. It reminded you of your dad. He would play this song over and over. The wind blew in your hair.  
“Workin' on mysteries without any clues. Workin' on our night moves.” You sing loud to the song with Dean. You see Sam in the side mirror, smiling. You guys just finished a case, a nest of vamps. You hated vamps. Luckily the case was only ten hours from the bunker. Only ten, you snort to yourself.  
“Do we really need to get a motel?” You ask. Although, you all did look pretty exhausted. Your shoulder was hurting and you had a cut on your forehead. You were running on 12 hours without sleep, but you just wanted to go home.  
“We can take turns driving and sleeping” You halfheartedly suggested, exhaustion suddenly came over you.  
“I'm tired and need a shower, it's just for the night. We head home early morning” Dean grunted. You didn't care anymore. You closed your eyes. 

“Hey. Wake up” Sam patted your thigh. You slowly opened your eyes. His puppy dog face. You smile and get out of the car. The three of you check into one room, two queen beds. Each taking a turn in the shower, finally relaxing on the beds. The boys passed out in minutes. It was only 4 in the afternoon. After the shower you couldn't sleep. The town you stopped in wasn't very big, but you did see a coffee shop down a block. You grabbed a few pain pills and took them for your shoulder. You grabbed a change of clothes, choosing to put on fitted jeans, a purple flannel and the green jacket Dean got you. You changed in the bathroom, your hair dried wavy, it was getting longer. You braid it, letting it fall over your shoulder. . You gave yourself a once over and snorted. Jesus, you even dressed like a Winchester. Grabbing your phone, gun and small messenger bag, you head out the door.  
The fresh air was nice, you walked passed Baby and away from the motel. Noticing a park across from the coffee shop, you get your coffee and head across the street. The park was at the center of the town, you picked a bench near the playground. Taking your iPod and headphones out of your bag, you press shuffle. You sip your coffee then laugh when the first song that comes on is Highway to Hell. Freaking Dean. Skipping the song, you settle on some Arctic Monkeys. You lean back , slouching a little. You watch two little kids playing together, a little girl and boy. But it's the boy who peaks your interest. He had short brown hair and a cute little smile. You can see him laugh as he runs away from the girl. There it is again, you feel that tug. Sighing you close your eyes. You think of Castiel. You hadn't seen him for a week now, not since the kiss in your room. Heaven must be busy. 

You had woken up the next day, Sam in bed with you. He looked peaceful sleeping, his hair laying across his face. You quietly had left the room, going to the kitchen for some coffee. Dean was making breakfast, already up and dressed for the day.  
“You okay?” He ask, flipping a pancake. You groan and pour yourself some coffee.  
“I don't know.” The coffee taste so good, you close your eyes.  
“What you said yesterday, why do you think that?” Dean handed you plate full of pancakes, you sit on a stool and pour syrup all over the food.  
“This is going to sound crazy” You laugh, Dean's eyebrows raise.  
“I've been seeing things. Images. Memories maybe. Visions” You shrug and drink your coffee.  
“Of what?” Dean had a serious look on his face, you called it his FBI face.  
“Uh, well. This is embarassing, but of Castiel” You watch Dean's face, there wasn't a hint of shock. You watched him take a fork full of pancake to his mouth.  
“DEAN!” You say in your annoyed voice.  
“This is serious, I might be riding on the crazy train” Dean swallows the food in his mouth,  
“Ozzy” He smirks.You rolled your eyes and with your plate of food, went to the living room.

Ozzy. What a jackass you think as you sip your coffee. The park was fairly empty. Ecept for the kids at the playground and a man with his dog. You suddenly feel a gust of wind, you turn to your left. Castiel was seated next to you. You jumped and quickly looked around, no one saw. You feel relieved.  
“You scared the crap out of me” You exclaimed. He smiled softly  
“'I'm sorry. I've been wanting to see you.” He was staring off towards the playground.  
“You could have gone to the bunker” You sipped the rest of your coffee. Trying to ignore the fact this angel wanted to see you.  
“Alone” He spoke turning to face you. Tug. Tug.  
“Oh” He nodded and went back to staring at the kids playing.  
“I like your hair braided that way. It looks nice,” Castiel reaches over and touches your hair. You feel your cheeks burn up. You quickly change the subject.  
“It's weird, but see that little boy” You nod towards the boy, Castiel looks and you see something in his facial expression, but can't decide if it's pain or longing.  
“Yes”  
“He reminds me of someone, but I don't know who. I think something's wrong with me” Castiel moves closer to you, so close you lean away, laughing nervously. He takes his two fingers and holds them up to my forehead. You feel a wave come over you. You shoulder wasn't sore anymore, you touched your forehead, the cut was gone.  
“Thanks” You squeezed his hand without thinking. There was something about being around Castiel, it made you act differently.  
“Of course, but that is not what you mean”  
“It's not.” You feel tears welling up in your eyes. Castiel looks alarm , moving closer to you. You feel him taking his arm and resting it around your shoulder. This act of affection doesn't feel wrong. If anything you feel at ease. Safe.  
“I'm tired” You whisper, letting your head rest on the angel's chest. You feel Castiel hold you.  
“Sleep” His deep voice comforts you. You close your eyes, slipping away, you swear. You swear you hear Castiel whisper, “Josephine”.


	8. Hooked On A Feeling

Dean wakes up, groans and looks over at the clock. It was 6pm. He slowly gets up and looks around.   
“Y/N” He calls out. But no answer, he gets up and knocks on the bathroom door. Nothing.   
“Sammy, where's Y/N” He shakes his brother awake. Sam pushes him away.  
“Jackass, Y/N ISN'T HERE” Dean punches Sam, who jumps up, wiping drool off his face.  
“Relax, she probably went out for coffee” Sam reached for his phone on the table. He checked and sighed.  
“Yeah, coffee.” Sam giving his best bitch face, holds the phone up to show his brother. Dean leaned in.  
“Yeah, two hours ago” Dean gave his brother a serious look. grabbed his keys and walked out the door. Sam followed a minute later.  
“I saw a coffee shop a block down” Sam remembers. The brothers walk in silence, Sam texts you asking where you were.   
The boys get to the coffee shop, Sam goes inside to look around. Dean scans the area, he notices the park across the street. Even far away, he could spot that damn trench coat.   
“Dammit Cas” Sam walks out, nodding to his brother.   
“She was here, the lady inside said she got coffee and saw her walk across the street to the park” Dean nodded. He didn't want Sammy to hurt, but he always was done with the secrets. Dean nodded towards the park. Sam looked confused but saw where his brother was directing him to look at.   
“Sammy, we need to talk”. Sam gulped and nodded.

The sun's warmth on your face makes you wake up. You moan softly.  
“You feel better?” Castiel asks. He smiles at you, you want to grab it and put it in your pocket.  
“I do, I'm sorry you had to sit here while I slept” You sit up, feeling well rested, refreshed.   
“I will do it again, if you need me too” And you believe him.   
“So, how are things in heaven?” You shift so your whole body is towards the angel.  
“Oh, you know how that goes. Angels. Smiting. The usual” He shrugs, you start laughing. The biggest smile appears on Castiel's face and you know he was trying to make you laugh.  
“It's nice to see you joking around, smiling suits you,” He blushes and you laugh again.  
“Are you blushing!” You tease the angel, who can't help but smirk and shake his head no. But he was, it was painted all over his face. You stand up stretching.  
“Let's go for a walk” You suggest, not wanting to say goodbye just yet. He gets up and the two of you walk towards the playground, the kids had left, it was vacant. The two of you walk side by side, hands almost touching but not quite.  
“So you've been pretty busy, huh?” You walk over to the swings, sitting down on one. Castiel does the same.   
“Yes, I wanted to see you sooner , but, well I didn't want to make things unpleasant for you”.  
“It's okay. Things have been okay at home.” He nods at you. You start swinging yourself, the angel watches you contently. He feels full again, he feels at ease.   
“Swing, little bird” You say, stopping yourself on the swing and going behind Castiel, who turns and looks at you, giving you a confused look.  
“I'll push” , you giggle, wondering how ridiculous you two look. You push the angel, laughing because he doesn't seem to be enjoying himself.  
“Come on Mr. Angel of Thursday, swing yourself” You push him once more and get back on your swing. You start swinging, Castiel watches what you do and does the same. Soon enough, you both are going the same speed.  
“Jump off! It's fun” You coax Mr. Blue Eyes. Castiel shows no fear and waits for a second then jumps off, landing on his feet. He turns to you and laughs, his nose crunches and his teeth are showing. The sight alone makes the tugging inside you go faster. You swing for another 30 seconds before jumping off, but you are not as graceful as the angel. You land on your feet, but lose your balance, falling on your bottom. You can't help laughing, the kind of laugh that hurts your stomach. You look up at the angel, who is laughing just like you do. He's hunch over, “My stomach hurts”, he laughs more as he hold's his hand out, helping you get off your bottom.   
He pulls you up, the two of you are inches away from each other. He moves a loose strand of hair way from your face.  
“Castiel,” His name leaves your lips in a soft whisper. He leans in , you want nothing more to give in, but you step back. The angel looks hurt and immediately you regret not letting him kiss you.  
“Is something wrong?” You grab his hand and lead him away from the swings over to the grass. You sit down and pat the ground next to you. You watch the angel sit down next to you. He listens to you as you tell him about your mother and how you think you inherited her mental illness, but you don't mention the visions, memories you've had. You pull at the grass as you talk, making eye contact with the angel every so often. He listens, knowing where you are going with this talk and he struggles within himself He wants to tell you the truth, he has himself convince, when you look up at him, “ You also need to know that before I met you, Sam and I were starting something” Castiel sighs and nods.  
“I know. I noticed”. You continue, “ And now with everything, I think I just need some time, I need to figure out what's going on with me, maybe go see a doctor”. You see the angel struggling with something, he opens his mouth to talk but then closes it.   
“What?” You ask , but before Castiel can answer, someone's voice interrupts him.

“What the hell Y/N!” Your head snaps to the right of you. The Winchesters are walking towards you, the oldest does not look happy at all. In fact, he's storming towards the two of you and he has his FBI face on. Suddenly feeling like a teenager who has just been caught doing something bad, you quickly get up. You feel Castiel at your side.  
“What the hell is wrong with you!” Dean yells at you, making you flinch. He's never taken that tone with you before, it angers you. You look at Sam, who doesn't look angry but just worried.  
“Hold your roll G.I Joe” Snark flying out of your mouth.   
“No, why didn't you text Sam back? We woke up and you were gone” Dean stands there waiting for you to answer. You don't want to have an agrument, this was the last thing you needed.   
“Listen, I'm sorry. I should have let you guys know I was leaving.” You go towards Dean, holding your hands out, giving him a pleading face, he rolls his eyes and hugs you. You smile at Sam over his brother's shoulders. Pulling from Dean, but keeping your hands on him, you speak, “ You need to remember I'm a hunter too, I can handle myself. I was doing it for years before I even met you guys”. Dean stares down at you, he knows you're right but still. He's worried about you, but he grins and rolls his eyes. He turns his attention to Cas, who stays quiet.   
“What's going on Cas?”. The angel shrugs, making you laugh.   
“I'm hungry, lets eat” You start towards Sam, leaving Dean talking to the angel.  
“I'm sorry, I should have let you guys know I was leaving” The two of walk ahead , Sam shrugs.  
“I figured you went to get coffee, Dean's the one who was freaking out.” You glance over at Sam, just looking at him, it made you smile. Ping pong ball. That's what came to your mind. That's how you felt, going back and forth. Back and forth. Castiel. Sam. Castiel. Sam. Castiel. That damn angel, something was going on in your head and you knew then. You knew he had something to do with it. But what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so hope you liked the newest chapter. I'll be updating as soon as I finish the next chapter. 
> 
> thanks for reading so far, please leave feedback/suggestion/comments!


	9. If You Can't Hold on, Hold on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took a while for me to spit out, I'm still trying to figure out how I want this to go. I also want to write a good chapter, so it's taking longer for me to update. But hope you enjoy this chapter. I wanted to see a Sam moment. Please let know what you think. Feedback welcome!

You opened your eyes, the sun shined so bright, you closed your eyes quickly. Slowly opening them again, letting your eyes adjust. The smell of grass hits your nose. Sitting up, you take in your surroundings. Trees off in the distance, green everywhere. You stand up, brushing off the grass from your dress. You turn around and see a cabin. Looking around once more, you notice it's the only one in sight for what seems like miles. You make your way to the cabin. There's a horse tied up behind the wooden fence. The wood cabin is small, there's a garden off to the side. You walk up to the door, hand on the knob. You hesitate because you hear a voice inside. But you recognize the voice, smiling you open the door. The cabin was warm inside, you walk in and immediately see Castiel, sitting with his back towards you, by the fire place. He turns when he hears you walk. He talks, but no sound comes out. You notice then, he's carrying something, that draws his attention from you. You walk around the kitchen table towards Castiel, who is leaned forward. You put your hand on his shoulder, he looks up at you. His smile is brilliant, you lean in to peer over his shoulder..

You are startled awake, your alarm is going off. Reaching for your phone, you turn the ringing off and throw the damn phone across the room. You have no idea why it went off. It hits the wall. You sit up, lean against the headboard. You feel breathless, a heavy weight on your chest. That dream, it felt so real. So damn real. Everything felt familiar, like a movie you've watched dozens of times. Is your mind really slipping away. And what is it about the angel. Frustration builds inside, irritated, because you have no answers. You throw the covers off , changing into your jeans and grabbing a black hoodie. Grabbing your gun off the nightstand, leaving your cell phone on the floor, you walk out of your room and out the bunker. It's completely dark outside, quiet. You get into your car, slamming the door shut. You reach over to the glove department, grabbing a pack of cigarettes and lighter. Sam would kill you if he knew, but sometimes you needed to. You start your car, it's a newer one so it's quiet as a mouse. You hook up your iPod and press shuffle. The song that comes on, it feels perfect. 

_You can't hide from your own mind. But I can tell that you've been trying. You're caught between the past and present tense. Drinking your way to confidence._

Lighting your cigarette, ac blasting in your face, you feel a little better. Snapping in your seat belt, cigarette in your mouth, you drive off. Away from the bunker, away from whatever was happening to your mind. Driving for an hour, it was now 3 am, you see a little shitty dive bar, you pull into the parking lot. 

2 hours later, you're sitting on a stool , drunk off your ass. You were a light weight, so the four shots of tequila and four beers, had done the deed. Tom Petty and the Heart breakers were playing in the background, you sway your head back and forth. The bar was fairly empty, just a few other souls.  
“Here comes my girl” You sing along to yourself. You feel tired, but don't dare close your eyes. Every time you do, all you see is those damn blue eyes. Feeling a want of resentment towards the angel, it fades before it even starts. It can't be helped, you are drawn to him. You think of your mother and you wonder if you are going crazy or using her as an excuse. An excuse to explain the feelings you have towards the angel. Ones that you are not entirely sure you understand. But even if you can admit those feelings, that doesn't explain the images, visions, whatever. And Sam. Jesus Christ, Sam. The younger Winchester was the one you wanted to be with , he was a hunter like you, he knew the life. And he always knew that hunters don't get to have normal lives or long ones at that. If you could pick one person to spend the rest of your hunter life with, it was that tall son of a gun. Wishing it was that simple, to just be with Sam, downing the rest of the beer left in your cup, you knew it wasn't.

“There's her car” Sam points to your little Fiat. Dean had woken up to use the bathroom when he noticed your bedroom door wide open. He figured you were getting something to drink or using the bathroom. But when he comes back to his room, there is no sign of you. He peeks into your room, turning the light on. He looks around and sees your phone on the ground, cracked. Dean walks over to your nightstand, he knows you keep your gun there. He opens it, but just finds a framed photo. The women in the photo looks just like you, but older. Her brown hair, those eyes. It was your mother. Dean closed the draw, he knew something was wrong. He woke Sammy up and does a quick search around the bunker. But you aren't there. Dean finds Sam on his laptop.  
“Her cars gone” He tells his older brother. Luckily, you had agreed to let him put a tracking device on your car, as a precaution.  
“I'm tracking the car now.” Dean nods at his brother, he goes to his room. Changing into some jeans and a black shirt, grabbing his green jacket and of course, his gun.  
Sam was dressed, putting on his jacket, closing his laptop.  
“She's at some bar, an hour away” Dean sighs, he was done.  
“Listen Sammy, I'm done with this crap. She needs to know whats going on” Sam looks at his older brother, he was right.  
“I know Dean”. 

The boys walk into the bar and see you immediately. You're slouched over the bar, drinking a beer. The Winchesters each take a seat next to you. You shake her head, chugging down the rest of your beer.  
“Tracker, huh” You smirk to yourself. Letting out a sigh you turn your body, facing away from the bar. You turn to Sam, concern is written all over his face.  
“Did Dean tell you about my visions, or whatever?” Sam doesn't say anything. You look over at Dean, he isn't going to take your shit, he looks pretty pissed.  
“Relax pretty boy” You laugh. Dean glares at you, making you flinch, so you turn to Sam.  
“Listen, Dean told me. We'll talk about it, but let's get you home” Sam gives you pleading eyes and who are you to deny them. Besides, there's no way you can take another drink.  
“Fine” You mutter, trying to stand up, but fall back on the stool. You let you head fall forward, you feel Sam grabbing your arm and slipping it around his neck.  
“Come on” , he picks you up, carrying you in his strong arms. Dean settles the tab with the bartender, too angry to even talk. You nuzzle against Sam's chest, inhaling his scent. Dean opens the door and walks over to Baby.  
“I'll meet you at home” He says, not even looking at you. You groan, this was not good.  
“I can walk, put me down” Sam does, but grabs your hand. You hand him your keys.  
“Oh, here.” Handing over your gun, Sam's mouth forms a small smile. You watch him unlock your car and open the passenger door for you. Sitting down, with your legs still outside the car, you look to Sam.  
Waving your hands, you motion for him to come closer. He bends down, one hand on the car, holding his balance. You move you hand towards him, caressly the side of his face, he can't help but close his eyes and smile.  
“I'm so confused.” You confess, the youngest Winchester takes your hand in his, he moves closer and slips his hand against your neck. He knows what you're confused about, he saw the way you and Castiel looked at each other at the park. He knew that Castiel and you had something a long time ago, but you can't even remember any of it. Or maybe it was coming back, your memories. Sam knew that's what it was, you weren't going crazy. You mind was trying to make you remember. Dean told him about your “visions”, but he wanted to ignore it. He wanted to pretend it was not happening. Sam didn't want to lose you, so he selfishly looked at you now. You were drunk and hurting, he wanted to keep you safe. He wanted to keep you for himself.  
“It's okay, I'm here” His eyes gazed into yours and before you knew it, his lips were clashing against yours. You let out a little moan and suddenly you didn't feel drunk anymore. Slipping your hands through his hair, you wanted to let loose. Get out your own mind and just be. But Sam pulls back, catching his breathe.  
“Let's take you home,” He quickly helps you get fully in the car, closing the car door. 

Not like this, he kept telling himself. He felt just as confused as you.


	10. Bones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has a little fluff towards the end. It's taken me a while to figure out how I want things to go, so bear with me. So please leave comments/feedback/suggestions. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

“Got you asshole,” The words gasping from your mouth.You move your gun from your side, trying to hold the guy off, but he was choking you. Slipping the gun against his stomach, you pull the trigger, sending a silver bullet through the damn werewolf. You push him off, aim for his head, another for good measure. Watching the man go limp, you collaspe on the ground. 

“Shit!” You croak in exhausation.You slowly catch your breath. Feeling your neck, it feel sore and your throat was starting to thump. Looking up at the stars, it was almost peaceful. Sam and Dean were inside the old cabin, they told you to look out, while they went inside. The guy attacked you from behind, he was fast but you brought him down.Your cheek is bleeding, the guy was able to land a punch amongst the fighting. You hear several shots coming from the cabin, worrying about the boys, you stagger to a standing position. Running towards the front door, nearly there, the door swings open. Dean's smiling as he walks out. Sam right behind him, he notices your face right away.

“Are you okay!” He rushes towards you, taking your face in his hands. He touches the cut and you wince. The adrenaline leaves you body and you feel the weight of the guys punch on your face. Feeling Sam's large hands on your neck, you give him a weak smile.

“He got me, I think he gave me a black eye” You laugh wincing as Sam touches the side of your eye. 

“Let's get a cold beer on that” Dean says rushing to Baby, opening the backseat and taking a cold beer from the ice chest. Sam and you walk to the car, you lean against it. Dean holds up the can to your face, you make a face, it stings. But the coolness soon relieves the pain.

“How many were inside?” You ask as you get into the Impala. You watch the boys get into the car, Sam turns to face you. His brown hair was slightly disheveled, you almost reach over to push it away from his face, but you stop yourself.

“Three, where was your guy?” Dean started the car, pulling away from the cabin. We came to investigate a series of murders happening in this little town, all victims had their hearts taken. It didn't take long for us to figure out who and where. It was fairly easy, the boys came out without a scratch. You were the lucky one.

“From the woods, he attacked me from behind.” Dean turned to you, “Well, he's dead. So good job. You deserve a beer” You smile and nod. Taking the beer away from your face, you open it. 

It's been two weeks since the bar incident. After that night, you apologized to Dean, tried to pay him back for the bar tab.  
“No, I know you've been having a hard time. But shit Y/N, don't take off like that”, Dean had reached and embraced you, kissing you on the head. He was such a softie. But you knew you worried him and that was not to happen again. After that, things were good. With Sam, things were good too, slightly confusing, but overall good. Good. The one person who you hadn't heard from was the angel. You were tempted to ask Dean for his cell phone number, but you figured he was busy. Otherwise, you knew, he would have come to see you. 

 

An hour later, the three of you are seated in a diner. You order a bacon burger and chocolate shake, Dean orders the same, while Sam , of course, orders a salad. Deans phone rings. He fidgets for it in his pocket and answers it.

“Cas, whats up?” The mention of the angel's name makes your stomach flutter, you don't make eye contact with Sam  
“Yeah, I'll text you” You watch Dean hang up and text something to Castiel.  
“What he want?” Sam asks, looking up from his laptop.   
“Not sure, he just wanted to know where we where.” Dean shrugs and doesn't look at you, instead his eyes wonder to the waitress. Rolling your eyes at him, you watch Sam on his laptop. His brows were scrunched, making you smile, he was concentrated.  
“What are you looking at?” Feeling curious, but before you receive an answer, the waitress comes with the food and drinks. You forget the laptop entirely, happiness was real and it definitely came in the form of a burger and milk shake. Not realizing how hungry you were, you tell yourself to slow down.   
“How long is it going to take to get home?” You ask Dean, whose holding his hamburger, mouth open preparing to take a bite. He thinks for a second, “Maybe two hours” You watch him take a huge bite of his burger, you swear he eats like a bear.  
“I'll be back, I need to use the restroom,” You get up and walk to the bathroom. 

Dean watches you disappear and looks over at Sammy, whose fidgeting with his salad. His eyes glance over to the entrance, he sees his angel friend standing there, so out of place with that damn trench coat.  
Dean yells for him, Cas sees him and walks over, sitting down across from Dean and Sam. The angel looks worn down, tired, if that was even possible.   
“What's going on Cas?” Dean ask, crunching on some fries.  
“Heaven is very busy right now, there's a war waging with some demons” Dean watches as the angel's eyes move around, he knew what he was looking for. Or who.   
“She's in the bathroom” Sam says, giving Castiel a small smile. Castiel nods. He feels tension in the air, the boys seem to have something on their minds.  
“What's wrong?” He ask. Dean quickly scans the bathroom door.   
“Y/N, she's having these dreams or visions” Sam says, Dean nods.   
“Man, she's a wreck. She told me how she's having these images of you. She even started keeping a notebook to write down whatever she sees” Dean's voice was becoming strained, he couldn't tell if he was angry or worried. Sam notices his brother's irritation and takes over the conversation.   
“Listen Cas, we all care about Y/N. She's not doing good. You need to tell her” Sam was firm with his words. Castiel just stared at the younger Winchester. He could feel anger brewing inside him, they had no idea. His mind was going a mile a minute. Was it possible for her to retrieve these memories? Was he not thorough enough when he erased them. He thought for a second, well, she was young when he did it. A toddler, in fact.He drew his attention back to the two men in front of him.   
“I can't” He finally said. The Winchesters couldn't believe their ears.  
“What the hell do you mean! You have to!” Dean yelled too loudly, he quickly looked around, people were staring. He just smiled and held his hand up, waving them off , turning back to the angel.  
“You can't let her just think she's going crazy,” This time his voice was softer, but still as angry.  
“Dean, you do not understand. It's better if she doesn't remember” Castiel was done with this conversation, he couldn't possibly tell them anything more, since he saw you coming from the bathroom. He immediately notice how hurt you looked, your eye was puffy, cheeks a bit swollen and your neck red. Castiel couldn't help but stand up and rush to you. Sam couldn't even bring himself to look over at you two.

You smiled as you walked closer to the table and saw the angel sitting with the boys. But your smile faded as you see Castiel's panicked face. You watched as the angel made his way to you, taking your hand and leading you outside the diner. Whipping your head around, you search for those hazel and green eyes. You find them and they look dumbfounded. The cold breeze hits your face as you walk out with the angel. You can't speak, the feeling of Castiel's hand gripping yours, it's too much to handle. His warmth feels so good against your palm. He leads you to around the diner, were it's dark and secluded. He finally stops, letting go of your hand, he turns to face you.  
“Are you okay?” His voice comes out rigid, rushed.  
“Yes, we hunted a small pack of werewolves, one roughed me up a little” You smile, trying to ease the angel's worry. He sighs, stepping closer to you. The tugging is damn near painful, the closer he gets to you.   
“Let me fix you” The angels deep voice penetrates your whole body, you manage to nod. He takes his two fingers to your forehead, you instantly feel better. But the tugging is still there, his blue eyes , so easy to get lost in.   
“I haven't seen you in a while” You let out, you sound pathetic and you hate yourself for it.   
“I'm sorry, heavens been...busy. But you must know, I wanted to come see you” You know. He knows you know. The two of you stand close, facing each other, the silence is maddening.  
“Castiel”. You whisper, he doesn't need to say anything, he's moving closer to you. This was everything you didn't want right now. Everything was confusing, you didn't want to hurt Sam. But here you were, hiding in the dark with the angel. And nothing, no one, could make you leave. Was the tugging feeling in your stomach, was it real or delusion? You weren't sure, but it felt right to give in. Why did it feel so right? You hammered over this for so long, telling yourself that you won't give in. So you stand there, the angel coming closer to you. You won't give in. No you won't. Castiel slips his hand up your neck. You can't give in. His blue eyes penetrate yours, you can't look away. Heart beating so fast, your body is responding so rapidly. You won't give in. But then the angel just looks at you, his eyes full of something, lust maybe. Whatever it is, you can't resist. His lips crash against yours, you feel it down to your toes. He loses control of himself, pulling you closer to him. Running his hands through your hair, down your back. A moan escapes your mouth, into Castiel's. You feel his hands on your back, he slowly caressly his thumbs against your back. And then it hits you, a wave of familiarity. His thumbs against your back, it felt strangely like home. You pull away, slightly out of breathe. Castiel looks worried, wondering why you stopped. He was enjoying himself too much, it all felt like home to him. 

“Y/N?” Your eyes widen, Sam's voice makes you jump. Castiel slowly pulls away from you. You turn to see Sam and Dean standing there.


	11. Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 6 month time jump.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a fairly short chapter, it's more of a set up chapter. Also wanted to give you something while I write the next one.  
> Please let me know what you think, it really does help with the writing process.
> 
> Enjoy!

Six months later..

Hauling your bag to the bunker door, taking the key out of your pocket. You felt nervous. It was really late, nearly 2 in the morning. The boys were probably asleep. At least you hoped. Walking into the bunker, it felt like home. The lights were on, trying to make as little sound as possibly, while descending down the stairs into the main room. Holding your breath, voices from the television made you freeze. Putting down your bag, you walk over to the living room area. The light from the television is soft, there's a figure laying on the couch. The movement of their chest rising and falling, a soft snore. Walking closer to get a peek, you see the older Winchester sleeping. Tears starting forming in your eyes, you missed him so much. Would he be angry to see you or happy? 

Suddenly, you hear the click of a gun. You turn quickly, staring down the barrel of Sam's gun. Sam's face takes a second to register who you are, he quickly brings the gun down. He looks shocked, not able to say a thing. He's missed you, he didn't recognize you from behind, your hair was shorter. And darker. He had not seen you since all that went down after they found you with Castiel. He felt ill watching you with the angel, jealous and angry. He made a mistake that night. A huge mistake that cost him both you and Cas. Sam brought himself back from his thoughts, staring at you. Sam couldn't help but notice the hardness in your face, guilt washed over him.  
“Sam.” His name feels strange coming out of your month, hadn't said it in months. You watch as Sam starts toward you, his hair was a little longer. His puppy eyes, remained the same. You thought of him and Dean everyday. You were so angry. But now you just missed them.  
“Where have you been?” Sam asked, engulfing you in an embrace, your head rested against his chest. He even smelled the same. It brought all the time you spent with the boys to the surface, it washed over you, cool and calming. You wished then, that the last six months never happened.

The next morning, waking up in your old room, you hadn't slept that good in months. You were surprised the boys left your room the way it was. Six months ago, you were so angry, you just packed your clothes, guns and laptop. You left everything else behind, even your records. You get up, quickly changing into jeans, a Yeah Yeah Yeahs shirt and black hoodie. You wanted to see the boys. Walking into the main room, it's empty. Maybe they are in the kitchen, you wonder. Getting closer to the kitchen, you can hear murmured voices through the door. You knew Sam was happy to see you, but Dean's a toss up. You prepare yourself for the worst, swinging the kitchen door open, you walk in cautiously. Dean's at the stove, cooking breakfast. He looks up, waiting for a reaction, you just stand at the doorway. The door swings forward, gently hitting your back. Sam looks up from his newspaper, his eyes moving from Dean to you and back to Dean. You can't tell whether the older Winchester is mad or happy, he has the perfect poker face. What seems like minutes pass, before he puts the spatula down. Watching him walk around the counter towards you, nerves shoot through your body, not knowing what's going to happen next. And then you were suddenly being held against Dean's muscular chest. Hes holding you tight, his chin resting on your head. You slip your hands around his waist, fighting tears back. A Smith's song plays in your head, you were just so happy to be back. He gives you one last squeeze, before kissing you on the head and pulling away.

“Where the hell have you been!” There it was, the big brother voice, filled with concern.  
“Doesn't matter. I missed you, both of you” You look over at Sam. He smiles at you, getting up and taking out your favorite mug. He pours you a cup of coffee and slides it towards you.  
“We have a lot to catch up on” You say to the boys, taking a seat and sipping from your favorite mug.


	12. What Ever Happened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly the reader and Dean scenes.

The buttery pancakes melted in your mouth, you sure missed Dean's cooking. Eating your way through the stack of pancakes on your plate, not looking up to see the boys just staring at you. Sam cleared his throat, causing you to look up, mouth full of pancake.

“What?” You murmured. Dean smirks, taking a drink from his mug. He leaned against the counter, watching you. He would never admit it to Sam, but he sure as hell missed you. It just didn't feel right around the bunker with you gone. When Sam was busy, he would get on the phone, calling every hunter he knew, trying to find you. He tried recalling anything that you said, that would help him find you. Sam at first did the same, but it got too painful for him. Dean, he never stopped. He even went to Ellen, but she wouldn't say a word. It probably had to do with the fact that she knew you since you were in diapers. And now, here you were. Stuffing your face with his pancakes. He noticed how different you looked, your hair was shorter. Way shorter and darker. But the thing he noticed the most was the pain, the pain in your eyes. Nonetheless, he was elated to have you home. 

“So where the hell have you been?” Dean finally asked, he looked over at his brother, who was watching you intently. You put down your fork, finishing chewing the food in your mouth.  
“Not hunting, that's for sure” The boys jerked up, both couldn't believe their ears.  
“Not hunting?” Sam asked doubtfully. You nodded.  
“Seriously, not hunting. I was a regular civilian for the past six months” You shrugged, watching the expressions on the boys. Sam seemed interested, wanting to know more. Dean looked completely dumbfounded.  
“I know, crazy right?” You go on, “ But I needed time off. So I went back to California, back to my old town and got a job as sub” Again, the boys were rendered speechless. Sam straighten up, looking at you curiously.  
“ You think vamps are bad? Try teaching English to a bunch of teenagers” You chuckle.  
“Wow” Was all you got from Dean. Pushing the empty plate of food away , you stand up and stretch.  
“Listen guys, I know there are ALOT of things we need to talk about. But I just got home, I drove here all the way from California.” You made your way towards the boys, standing in front of them both.  
“And I know that conversation is coming. Believe, I want to have it. But just give me 24 hours. All I need is 24 hours” Your hands went to both their shoulders, Sam nods. You look over at Dean, a small smile pulls from his mouth, he rolls his eyes and nods. You shoulders relax, a smile spreads wide across your face.  
“Great! Because Dean, there's this awesome anime I wanna show you!” Dean perks up, Sam starts laughing. Dean and you instantly look up at Sam, who is smirking to himself. At the same time, you both yell, “It's an art form!”. 

An hour later, Dean was sitting on the couch, while you laid down, your feet in his lap. Sam went on a beer run.  
“This is awesome” Dean exclaimed, you nod in agreement. You knew he would like it, it had enough action for Dean. You couldn't help watching him watch the show, he looked so damn cute. Like a little kid. Sighing and smiling, feeling so happy to be home.  
“Stop staring at me” Dean says, not taking his eyes off the TV. You laugh.  
“I can't help it” You admit.  
“Oh god, don't tell me the time spent away, you've fallin' for me” Dean turn and gave you that damn smirk. You exploded in laughter.  
“You wish Winchester!” You couldn't contain yourself. Dean pretended to look hurt, but started laughing too.  
“But seriously, I really did miss you,” Dean says, the look on his face, it damn near breaks your heart. He forces a smile and looks at the television.  
“I'm sorry,” You say so softly, he probably didn't even hear you. But then his hand squeezes your foot. He heard.  
“24 hours,” He says. Sighing, you nod. You know. The both of you fall back into silence, Dean's attention is fully on the show. But you can't stop thinking about that night, when you heard Sam's voice. 

“Y/N?” You felt Cas pull away, you turn and see the boys standing there, lingering in the dark.  
“Sam” You voice comes out weak and strained. The look on his face is a distortion of sadness and anger, you've never seen him like this.  
“Cas” Sam's voice feels so rough, it visibly makes you shake.  
“You shouldn't be doing this” He says to the angel, you look to Cas, who just stands there staring at the younger brother. Dean doesn't know what to do, his face says it all.  
“Sam, come on man” Dean puts his hand on his brother's shoulder. Sam moves his shoulder away.  
“No Dean, he can't do this to her. Tell her” You suddenly freeze. Tell her?

You look from Sam and Cas, the angel hesitates and looks at you.  
“Do it Cas or I will” Sam warned. You watch Cas search inside himself for the words to speak, but Sam grows impatient, maddening from it all. He didn't want to hurt you, but seeing you with Cas. It was too much for him. Especially, when he knew Cas was keeping such a huge secret from you. He told himself right then, that he was doing the right thing and that it had nothing to do with how he felt about you. He was never a good liar. 

“Castiel?” You send pleading eyes to the angel.  
“I can't, I'm sorry Y/N” He looked at you and something inside you said, it was okay. Whatever he couldn't tell you, it must be for a good reason. You knew he would never hurt you intentionally and more importantly, you trusted Castiel. Because you, you loved him. You smile at the angel. You hear Sam saying something, but the realization of what you just uncovered within yourself, it was too distracting. It was like the angel could hear your thoughts, because he suddenly looked up at you. Shock in his face. Maybe he could hear your thoughts. Something lit inside his blue eyes. You felt yourself pulling towards him, when suddenly words came at you.

“..he erased your memories”  
“You were Josephine”  
“Past life” Sam's voice came to light. Stopping dead in your tracks, you turn to him. He thought his words were falling on deaf ears, but your face said it all. He immediately regretted everything. You looked up at Dean, who stood there frozen, looking miserable. Was this true? You quickly looked to the angel, your little bird. His face never looked so guilty. You couldn't move. Thoughts ran through your head, millions of them. I was Josephine? Wait, the visions, they were past memories. Tears formed, then dropped down your face. The cabin, the meadow. The black coat. The world was spinning around you and the three most important people in your life, just stood there. 

 

“Hey kid, wake up” Dean's voice came into focus, opening your eyes, you sat up on the couch.  
“Shit, I fell asleep” Looking over at the TV, the show was done.  
“Yeah, the show was damn good. Go to bed, Sam's still not back” You yawn and nod. You lean into Dean, he chuckles and embraces you. He kisses you on the head and you stumble to your room. You felt so tired as you crashed on your bed. Not bothering to even get under the covers, you stare up at the ceiling.  
“I should probably tell them,” You say aloud. You lay on your arm, staring up and slowly drifting off. You should probably tell them, tell them you have all your memories back. 

You were Josephine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone was curious, the anime being watched was Attack on Titan. 
> 
> So I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Any suggestions/feedback , please leave a comment!
> 
> thanks guys!


	13. Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting a friend.

“So why do you think Y/N came back?” Sam glances over at his brother, the two were headed on a case. You declined to go, saying how six months off the job, you needed to ease back into it. Truth be told, you just didn't have it in you. Not yet, anyways. Dean could feel Sammy's eyes on him, his hand re-grips the steering wheel.  
“Who cares, she's back” Dean scoffs, staring straight ahead to the road. Sam leans back and sighs. It wasn't like he was unhappy that you were around, but anxious was the correct word. There was a lot of things left unsaid, things he wanted to amend.  
“Sammy, I know you guys have , uh, stuff to figure out. But honestly, I'm just happy she's home,” Dean cleared his throat, Sam looked oddly at his older brother. Dean was stifling a smile, Sam knew he cared about you, but he never really heard him admit it out loud. Sam didn't push the subject. Looking out the window, he pondered all the things he wanted to tell you, sorry being the most important. 

You walked into the busy grill and bar, the hostess welcomes you and ask how many are in your group. You inform her that you are meeting someone here. She nods, as you walk past her. Scanning the whole room, you finally spot the person you came to see. Smiling, passing by many tables, you reach a booth in the far left corner. The blond man, whose hair is combed back, the ends slightly curl out, smiles at you. A smirk permanently planted on his face, you take a seat across from him.  
“Gabriel, how's it going?” You wave over the waitress, he shrugs. The waitress comes over, you order a beer and a burger.  
“Same old, same old” He smiles at you, leaning against the table. “How's the old noodle? Working fine?”  
You nod, smile as the waitress puts down a beer in front of you.  
“Yeah, I'm back with Dean and Sam.” Gabriel rolls his eyes, smirking.  
“Listen, Gabriel, you know why I came here,” you take a sip of your beer.  
“I'm such great company” You chuckle at the archangel.  
“Of course, but I just want to know..” You pause, it was so hard saying his name. Gabriel looked at you, he noticed how the same you looked, from so long ago. Truthfully, you were always one of his favorite humans, for one, you always laughed at his jokes.  
“You want to know how my bro is doing” Gabriel answers. He yawns, as if he was tired. You roll your eyes , you feel your phone buzzing in your pocket. You look, it was Dean.  
“Let me guess, the Winchesters” The archangel sighed and motioned for you to take the call.  
“Hey Dean”  
“Hey, Y/N. So the case was a bust, just a normal homicide.” You laugh at how nonchalant he says homicide.  
“Well, that sucks. So you guys headed home?” The waitress comes over and sets your food in front of you.  
“Yeah, we should be home in 2 hours” You say okay and say goodbye.  
“So how's Dean-o?”  
“Fine.” You take a bite of your burger. Gabriel watches you.  
“So, do they know?” He finally ask, making you look up from your plate.  
“No” You say softly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fairly short chapter, but wanted to update something at least. This was part of a longer chapter but it didn't seem to fit in with it. Anyways, hope you enjoy.Please leave comments, etc. Also, I know the story seems to be going at a slow pace, but I'm having trouble figuring the whole story out. 
> 
> Thanks thought! Enjoy!
> 
> Also the title comes from Black by Pearl Jam.


	14. Alive

“Y/N!” You hear Sam calling from a different room, pulling the knife from the now dead demon, you smirk at the body. This was going easier then you thought, slipping back into old hunting habits, it felt good to have a knife in your hands. Leaving the room with the dead body, you walk slowly down the hall. This house was creepy as hell, Sam found out about this case from a fellow hunter. Demons were in this town, just causing trouble, just for the fuck of it. Holding the knife to your side, slowly making your way down the hall. Checking each room , you finally find Dean and Sam. They both turn when they hear footsteps behind them, both relaxing when they see you. You look beyond them, three dead bodies scattered on the floor.   
“You win I guess,” Shrugging, you relax your shoulders. “I only killed one” You offer.   
Dean smiles, nodding approvingly. Sam looks concerned, as always.  
“You're fine then?” He ask, Dean rolls his eyes.  
“Yeah, it feels good, being back to hunting. I'm not as rusty as I thought” Dean made his way towards you, patting you on the shoulders. A proud smile beams across your face. Sam throws his arm around your shoulder, looking up at him , you sigh, “Boys, let's get the hell outta here”.

The wind blew in your hair, the window rolled all the way. Leaning on your arm, you watch your fingers trying to grasp air. Pearl Jam playing in the background, one of the few bands that weren't classic rock that Dean allowed. It goes dark once you close your eyes, Eddie Vedder's voice sinks into you, right down to the center of it all. You try not to think of those blue eyes, but nowadays that's all you see when you close your eyes. Leaving six months ago, it meant a new start for you, a chance to clear your head. Two months passed, easing into a normal life, then one day you run into an old friend. Although “running into”, was not the right term. Finding out your old friend Gabriel, who you met through your roommate in college, was actually an angel. That shit blew you away. Resting against the backseat of Baby, you think of that night. 

That Saturday night you accepted an offer to go out with a few of the younger teachers from the high school. Went to a local pub, had drinks, you were feeling fairly normal. You were laughing at something funny the biology teacher said, when someone caught your eye. Blinking several times, the blond twitches the corner of his mouth and raises his eyebrows up and down. That fucking smirk, you knew it anywhere. Excusing yourself from the group, you walk straight to the bar. Laughing as you got closer and nothing could contain the smile on your face.   
“Gabriel!” You yelped, throwing your arms around his neck, engulfing him the a truly sincere embrace. He squeezes you several times, before letting go. Hands remain on his shoulder, shaking him.  
“How the hell have you been!” Embracing him yet again. The happiness you felt, it was overwhelming. The two of you grew close in college, although now that you think about it, you never saw him actually going to class. Your roommate Beth introduced the two of you, instantly clicked. He was funny, quick witty and although not many saw, he really was kind. Not to mention, tons of fun.  
“I've been good.” Gabriel motioned to the bartender, ordering two beers.   
“I haven't seen you in years, you disappeared before graduation asshole” You playfully slapped his shoulder, he laughs.  
“Yeah, well my dad needed me.” He smirks into his drink.   
“So Y/N, how's life going?” Gabriel cocked his eyebrow, making you laugh.  
Like I can actually tell him. You think. “It's been”.  
Gabriel smiles. He truly did miss you. You laughed at all his jokes, made him laugh in return and always were up for fun.   
“I came here to see you brat, we have some things to discuss” He smirked again, his facial expresses always were over dramatic. You go back to your table, explaining how you ran into an old friend and needed to go, the group understands, but gives you a hard time.  
“Hey, we all have to get laid sometime” Andy, the freshman history teacher joked. Laughing and waving them off, you head back to Gabriel. The two of you take your beers and head outside to the patio area. Sitting down at a table, you look at your friend.   
“Shit Gabe, I haven't seen you in years, how are you?” Curiosity filled you, wanting to know how your old friend was.   
Gabriel looks at you, “So, I'm an archangel.” He deadpans to you.   
You choke on your drink.   
An archangel?  
“Are you high or something!” You blurt out, realizing how loud your voice projected. Immediately scanning the area to see if anyone heard, they did. Gabriel laughs, waving at a couple who were staring.  
“As a kite!” He yells at them smirking. They quickly turn away and for a brief moment, you felt back in college. Gabriel and you would go out, get drunk and make fools of each other. The two of you together, were so horribly fun. Those nights always ended up with Gabriel dragging you back to the dorms, putting you to bed and waking up the next morning, extremely hung over. The moment quickly leaves you and now your mind is racing. Trying to understand what he just told you.  
“Wait a fucking minute Gabe” You rush out, leaning forward, against the table.  
“Are you trying to tell me, my closest friend from college, is a fucking angel?” The word angel comes out in a hushed whisper. Gabriel starts laughing and just puts his hands up, shrugging.  
“You piece of shit” You mutter, gulping the rest of the beer, setting the glass down on the table. So if he was an angel, archangel you remind yourself, then..  
Anger brews within, staring at the blond in front of you, whose expression seems to never change, you inhale then exhale.  
“Don't be mad. Come on, we had great times together” He pointed out.“And I mean, it started off as an assignment, I suppose, but that all changed.”  
You perk up with the words that come out of his mouth.  
“Wait” You stop him. Everything was starting to click. The color blue engulfed your mind. “Castiel?” The angel's name comes out weak and telling. Gabriel nods smiling like I was a child.  
“He didn't technically send me, but I was just so damn curious, plus I missed how you always laughed at my jokes” The rare glimpse of sincerity, very few people saw from Gabriel, appeared on his face. But he said missed. That didn't go passed you.   
“Oh”, was all you could say.   
Josephine. My past life. You realize.   
“So should I even catch you up on everything or should I assume you know everything?” You ask. Gabriel gives you a look that says, “Really”. And you nod. He knew everything. 

The change of music, brings you back to the Impala's backseat. Looking outside, you think of how you practically begged Gabriel for the memories back that night, hoping it will fix everything. Make everything clear. What a fucking idiot , you think now. Of course it didn't make things clearer, it just caused more confusion. Sighing within yourself, slumping back into the seat, you open your eyes. Eyeing the boys, looking from one to the other, you felt lucky. They were so patience with you, though their eyes were telling. Holding a lot of questions and answers. It was time to talk. Sitting up and sliding to the middle of the backseat, you lean forward. Tap Sam on the shoulders. He turns to you, small smile and softness in his hazel eyes.  
“Hey” He says, the word runs heavily through you. Dean quickly glances over at you, before turning his eyes back to the road.  
“It's time we have the talk” You muttered. Dean again gives you a glance, this time through the rear view mirror.  
“ Are you sure?” He ask, his hands gripping the stirring wheel, he doesn't want to force it.   
Resigning in the fact that this conversation needed to be done, you nod yes. Sam turns his body to you, his hand reaches for yours. The hazel eyed man's hand engulfs yours, making you feel so tiny. Giving a little squeeze before letting go, Sam just smiles at you. Looking towards Dean, you poke his neck. He groans, catching your hand before you can poke again.   
“I'm driving , you little troll” He huffs, your eyes widen, smacking the back of his head, Sam starts laughing. Dean smiles to himself. Feeling a sense of contentment that was missing for the past six months.

The three of you drive off, heading to the bunker. To home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's another chapter! Honestly surprised it's going this long, didn't really expect for it to go more then a few chapters. If you're wondering...WHERE'S CASTIEL!?!? Do not fret, I repeat, DO NOT FRET. The angel will show up to, I'm just having too much fun with it being just the two Winchesters. Again, this is my first go @ fanfic, so please if you have any constructive criticism, leave a comment. Or you can find me @ http://castielohcastiel.tumblr.com/
> 
> Thanks loves!


	15. At The Bottom of Everything

“The trickster!” Deans words confused you.  
“The what? No Dean, I said Gabriel ” shaking your head, not understanding what the hell the older Winchester was talking about. You look over at Sam, his eyebrows scrunched up. The three of you were sitting at the table in the library, nursing beers.  
“Y/N, how the hell do you know Gabriel?” Sam asked, shifting in his chair.  
“College. Also, you guys do know he's like an archangel, right?” A laugh comes out of your mouth, because that whole sentence was just too ludicrous.  
“College?” Dean huffed, green eyes rolling.  
Sam smirked, shaking his head yes, “ Yeah, we know.”  
Taking a long gulp from your beer, setting it down after, you look at the boys. “Okay guys, it's story time.” The boys listened to you , not interrupting, as you told them everything. How Gabriel was your college friend, but you obviously didn't know he was an angel. Although it was slightly embarrassing, you admitted that begging was the way you were able to get your memories back. Explaining that Gabriel did give back your memories, but it did not mean they would all come back at once. It was a gradual thing.  


“So yeah I remember things, but it's all still a little hazy.” Shrugging, you lean back into the chair. You look up at Sam and Dean, both were quiet, thinking. No one said a word for a few seconds. Sam straighten up and looked at his brother, “Dean, can you give us a minute?” Dean stared at his brother then glanced at you, he nodded and left the room. You opened your mouth to say something, but Sam beat you to it.  
“Listen Y/N, these passed six months have been terrible. That night..” Sam paused, clearing his throat, you just sat still. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I threw Castiel under the bus, because I..I was jealous.” Your eyes meet his, it pained you to look at him. You did this to him, he was jealous ,because you gave him some kind of hope. But as soon as you saw those blue eyes, you pulled that hope from him.  
“Don't Sam, don't apologize,” You say, stopping Sam from going any further. “Before all this happened, we had something and we both know that. I'm sorry things happened the way they did.” Tears were forming in your eyes, but you held them. You didn't want to cry in front of Sam, it would make him feel bad. Sam stood up, moving towards you. Pulling up from your chair, his arms gather you in an embrace. Closing your eyes, leaning into his chest, you felt like everything will be okay. The two of you will figure things out, you'll figure everything out. Slowly pulling away from Sam, you let go of him. “Stay here,” you say patting his chest. 

 Heading to you room, passing Dean's, who sees you, gives you a curious look. You stick your tongue out at him and walk into your room. Sitting on your desk was the leather bound notebook you kept. You started writing down all your dreams that involved Castiel before you had left the boys. Now you wrote whatever past memory appeared, taking the notebook, you head back to Sam. Who was leaning against the table, hands folded across his chest. Jesus, he was so tall. He sees you and stands up. Shoving the notebook to his chest, he grasps it before it could fall.  


“Take this and read it. I don't want to keep secrets anymore. This has all my dreams and memories, ” Looking into the hazel eyes you continue, “ I know it might hurt to read some of it, but I need you to know that some of the things I feel, it can't be helped. But maybe this will help explain it. It's just..” Pausing, you take Sam's hand, “I don't want you think I don't care, that hurting you wasn't a big deal, because it was. It is. I will never forgive myself for that.” You finished, saying what you've been wanting to say for months. Releasing Sam's hand, you look to the floor.  
Sam's hand lifts your chin up, those puppy dog eyes meet yours, “Listen Y/N, no matter what. I know you're here for me. And I'm here for you. Okay?” His voice hit a cord in you, a whimper escapes your throat. Sam chuckles, pulling you into him. “You're such a softie,” he teased.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well hope you enjoyed this chapter. So what do you guys think, Sam or Castiel?
> 
>  
> 
> Chapter Title comes from the song "At the Bottom of Everything" by Bright Eyes.


	16. There She Goes

Something wet was hitting your face, stirring from your sleep, you open your eyes. The sky was cloudy, little rain drops slowly falling down to earth, onto your face. Sitting up, the smell of rain and grass hit your nose. Inhaling, you smile. You stand up, brushing the grass off you. Turning around, the cabin stood, peacefully alone. Walking towards the cabin, you notice a figure in the garden on the right. A familiar black coat came into view, hunched over near the ground. Smiling, you rush over to Castiel, his back to you. Stopping at the gate, you watch for a minute. He was harvesting the tomatoes that were finally ready. Placing them into a wicker basket, he suddenly stops. “Come here” His deep voices says, you gladly listen. Pushing the gate aside, you walk towards him. The angel stands up, turning to you. A smile greets you, his hand pulls you closer. Wrapping your hands around his neck, staring into his blue eyes, you sigh contently. Castiel cups your face with his hands, leaning forward, softly placing his lips against yours. The feeling is unbearable, a surge spreads through your body.  
“I love you” comes desperately out of your mouth.  
“And I love you” Castiel says, caressly the side of your face. Looking into a sea of devastatingly blue eyes, you knew it to be true.

“Y/N!” Dean's voice drags you from your sleep. Eyes open wide, slowly trying to catch your breath. Scanning your surroundings, trying to figure out were you where. Ugly wall paper and hideous décor. A Motel. Right. The three of had just finished a case that involved a small nest of vamps. Once you wished , just once you wished a case without vampires would come up . Sitting up on your bed, your gaze meets two pairs of eyes. Green and hazel.  
“Another memory?” Sam asked, getting up from his seat, grabbing the leather notebook from your bad. You watch as he holds out the book to you. Giving a small smile, you take the notebook. After the big talk with the boys, things between the three of you had gotten so much better. It's been three weeks of hunter's bliss. Taking cases, coming home, going for runs, Dean's cooking and binge watching on Netflix. Everything was going back to the way things were before and it felt nice. But fooling yourself was never your strong suit, linger thoughts of the angel always seemed to find you. Hunting and the boys, it kept those thoughts away. Out of sight, out of mind was your new motto. Your stomach growls loudly, Dean stares at you, a smirk on his face. You state that you're completely starving and need food.  
“Okay Princess, let's go.” A teasing voice comes from Dean mouth. You rolled your eyes at the handsome idiot.  
"Sammy, want a burger?” Dean asks as he puts on his jacket, while you slip your shoes on.  
“Yeah, that's fine” Sam says, watching the two of you leave.

“Can I drive?” You ask, walking towards Baby. Dean snorts. That's a no. Listening to Bob Seger, Dean drives to a burger joint, you glanced over the time, it was nearly 11. You worried it would be closed, but pulling up, it was still open. Ten minutes later, Dean was driving back to the motel. Baby pulled into the motel parking lot, the room was all the way down, away from the main entrance. Dean parked the Impala in front of the room you were staying at. Dean grabbed the grub and you held the drinks. Getting out of the car, you glance over at Dean. He was shouting something to you, his eyes widen, before you could engage what he was saying, you felt someone grab you from behind. You struggled, trying to break yourself free. You turn, catching a glimpse of fangs. _Fuck!_ You yell in your head. This vampire must be from the nest the Winchesters and you cleared out. “Let her go” Dean's voice is harsh and deadly, he's standing on the other side of the Impala. You watch him slowly make his way around the front of Baby, stopping there. He didn't want to take the chance, this vamp was out for revenge. 

“This is for my family” The vamp hisses, before you have a chance to fight back, you feel a screaming sensation on your neck, blood was dripping at an alarming rate. You feel a scream building up inside you, but it doesn't come out, instead a soft, “Dean” surfaces. You watch Dean rush to you, he's screaming for Sam. The vamp lets go of you, letting you collapse to the ground. Your body hits the ground hard, feeling weaker by the second, moving is not an option. Slowly your eyelids start to fall, but a voice forces them open. Sam is standing at the door way, horrified at what lays before him. He sees Dean running into the night and you laying there, bleeding from your neck. He rushes to you. Throwing off his flannel, trying to stop the bleeding. “Y/N!” Sam takes your head in his hands, “Don't close your eyes, we need to get you to the hospital” Sam applied pressure to your neck, his hands shook watching you go pale. He felt fear like this before, every time Dean was in danger. His lips quivered, “Y/N don't go, okay? Don't leave me, us” His words were shaky, lifting the flannel, the bleeding was not stopping. Sam cursed under his breath. Suddenly, a small gust of wind made Sam turn his head. It was Castiel, Sam was speechless, he hadn't seen the angel for months and now there he was. Castiel's face dropped, you were close to death, quickly he moved to you. “Sam, move” Castiel's deep voice was firm but kind. Sam gulped, standing up, lingering close to you. The angel could feel himself slipping, tears wanting to form, but he pulled back. You looked so different, the past six months without seeing you, it wore him down. But now was not the time, he told himself. He needed to save you. 

Your vision is blurry, because you swear the sight of blue confronts you. _I'm dying. This is it. I'm dying. What's that blue. Oh. Oh wow. Blue eyes. Is this death? Okay. I'll go._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Castiel Returns!
> 
>  
> 
> Chapter Title song is "There She Goes" by Sixpence None The Richer.


	17. Rapid Hope Loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little hunting,

When Dean couldn't find the vamp after chasing after him, he rushed back to you. He was relieved and surprised to see Castiel kneeling next to you.  
“Cas” Dean said when he got closer. He looked over at Sam, who nervously watched the angel.  
“Don't worry, she's okay. It might take a while for her to fully heal.Her wounds were fatal.” Castiel looked up at his friend. Dean couldn't help but notice the despair in Castiel's eyes and voice, but he was too focus on you, to address it. Kneeling down next to the angel, Dean's heart ache. Your shirt was soaked with blood, but there was no sign of damage on your neck. Relieved, he gently slipped his arms underneath you, lifting and cradling you in his arms. He looked at Sam, who stood frozen, it all seemed too much for him.  
“Sam” Dean barked out, which shook his younger brother out of his trance. Castiel followed the Winchesters into the motel room. Dean slowly laid you on the bed, brushing hair away from your face. He stood there watching you for a minute, before turning to the other two men.  
“Sammy, let's go. We have a vamp to kill.” There was no room to argue, not that Sam would anyway. He wanted to kill the vamp just as much as Dean, maybe more. Sam followed Dean out the door, but turned before leaving, “Cas, watch over her” Sam's voice was pleading and small. Castiel nodded and turned to look at you on the bed.  
“Always” He says after Sam closes the door behind him.

 

“Hmm” Castiel looked up from his chair, you were waking up. He quietly got up, moving closer to you. He wasn't sure how you would react to seeing me. Slowly you opened your eyes, the ceiling fan above your head, you felt dizzy.  
“Sam, Dean” You groan, focusing on the figure in front of you,blinking several times, the person came into focus. A little gasp leaves your mouth. Castiel. Your chest starts to heave, heart beating. Seeing Castiel after all these months and now with having most of your memories back, it was all too much. Flashes of moments surge through your head, the cabin, kissing in the garden, his black coat. Your eyes meet those baby blues and everything melted away. The angel rushes to you, sitting down beside you.  
“Relax, it's okay” Without thinking he reaches for your hand, squeezing it. A warm feeling comes over you, his squeeze is comforting. You sit up, remembering what had happened. The vamp got you.  
“Where's Dean and Sam?” You ask, but you had a feeling you already knew.  
“They went to find the vampire who almost killed you” Castiel's eyes filled with sadness. Good, you thought. You only wished you could be the one that does the deed. Looking down at you hand, blushing when you realize the angel still had your hand. Castiel notices too, slowly moving his hand away. He stands up from the bed, leaving an imprint on the bed. You watch him standing there, he didn't seem to know what to do. Your body felt slightly sore and needing water. Moving to the edge of the bed, feet touch the floor. “Can you get me some water?” You ask looking up at the angel, but he was gone. 

Smiling to yourself, you force yourself to stand up. Looking down you see how bloody your shirt was, it was dried but stuck a little to your stomach. Grabbing new clothes from your bag, you head into the bathroom. After changing and freshening up, you stare into the mirror. Your face looked worn, eyes tired, hardly recognizing yourself. Running your hand through your hair, it was never this short. The night you left the bunker, heading to California, you cut your usually long locks. Now your hair rested a little below your chin. Pushing your hair behind your ears, you left the bathroom. Castiel was sitting down, a white plastic bag sat in front of him. He watched you linger in the doorway, he was finally able to take a real look at you. His heartbeat fast, to him, you were nothing short of perfection. He looked away, towards the bag.  
“I brought you water and snacks” He stood up, bag in hand. Walking over to him, you peek into the bag. Three water bottles, two bananas and a small apple pie. Beaming up at the angel, you take a water bottle and the apple pie, siting down at the table.  
“Thank you Castiel. For everything tonight” You watched him sit back down, facing each other.  
The angel opened his mouth to speak, but quickly closed it for a moment, before speaking, “You're welcome. How are you feeling now?”  
“Better” Taking a gulp from the water bottle, fidgeting to open the apple pie container, you hands felt shakes. You couldn't tell if it was the angel being so close by or the fact that some vamp decided to rip your throat out. Castiel took the container out of your hands, opening it effortless and sliding it over to you. You mutter thanks and take a bite. An involuntary moan comes out your mouth, Castiel smirks, making you blush. 

 

“Is it good?” He ask, nodding yes, you can't bring yourself to make eye contact. Instead you stare at your pie, asking him how long the boys have been gone. “Two hours,” he says. Worry fills you up, quickly you get up and get your phone from your duffel bag. No missed calls or texts.  
“We have to find them” You say, pressing Dean's contact, putting the cell up to your ears. It rings and rings, eventually going to voice mail. You try Sam's number. After three rings, his voice huffs out a hello.  
“Sam! Where are you?” Panic rises in your voice, the angel watches you pace the room.  
“Y/N. Holy shit, I'm so glad to hear your voice” Sam is relieved, but he sounds distracted.  
“Sam, where exactly are you?” You listen, nodding and assuring him you weren't going to come to them. Saying goodbye and hanging up, you rummage through your duffel bag, grabbing the machete at the bottom of the bag.  
“Castiel” Your voice penetrates his body, he knows what you want and refusing was not an option. The angel stands up and asks, “Where to?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 17 guys! Thanks for reading and I really hope you are enjoying the story so far (see what I did there?) lol.  
> I don't know how many chapter this will be, but I'm just going to keep going until I feel like the story is done. 
> 
> Any thoughts, comments, suggestions, kudos, please give your feedback, it's much appreciated!
> 
> thanks guys!


	18. Road to Nowhere

One moment you stood in the motel room, the next you were outside an old cabin in some woods. Slowly, your breathing settles, looking over at Castiel, you nod for him to follow. You instantly see the black Impala off to the side. The cabin was small, the lights were on inside. You go to move forward, but you feel Castiel pulling you back by your elbow. Turning to look at him, his face was pensive. “What's wrong?” You ask.  


“I can not let you go inside. I can not risk you getting hurt again,” You sigh, fully facing the angel, gripping the machete in your hand. You look back towards the cabin, then to the angel.  
“Castiel, something's wrong. They should have killed the vamp by now. Please, I have few people in my life that I care about, those two in there, are at the top of the list.” Your pleading eyes meet his.  
He stares at you and resigns. “I'll go first. It will be extremely easy for me to kill whatever vampires are in there.” Nodding, you follow his lead towards the cabin. Thinking a sneak attack from around the back was the way to go, you are surprised to see Castiel walking straight to the front door. You almost objected, but realize the angel probably knows what he's doing. Before he opens the front door, he looks over his shoulder.  
“Stay behind me.” His raspy voice sent waves through you, so you just nod. Inhaling, exhaling, you were ready to get your boys back. Castiel pushed open the door and walked through. Voices were coming from the backroom. Castiel led the way, you checked the two rooms you passed, everything was clear. Getting closer to the back room, the angel turns to you.  


“Okay, I'll get the vampires, you get Dean and Sam” You agree. And like that the angel walks into the room, following right behind him, you scan the room, you nearly run to Sam and Dean. The brothers were seated on chairs, tied up. Both looked knocked out. The room was empty, the vamp or vamps, must be out. Castiel motions for you to go to the boys, you hurry to them. Cutting the rope with the machete in your hand.  
“Sam, Dean” Removing the ropes from their hands, you shake Dean. Then Sam. You searched their necks, nothing. “They are unconscious. We need to get them the hell outta here” You yell to Castiel, all the times you've hunted with the boys, you've never seen them like this. It scared the shit out of you.  
“I thought I killed you” A hiss came from the doorway, the angel and you turned around. There stood three vampires, the one who attacked you in the middle. Taking a protective stance in front of the boys, the machete burned in your hand. Castiel wasted no time, the two vampires charged at him at once, he quickly takes his hands, placing them on the vampires foreheads. A flash of light illuminates from their eye sockets and mouths. The vampire that attacked you, quickly makes a beeline for you, you hear two thumps as the bodies of the two vampires fall to the floor. Holding your machete up towards the vamp, “Try me, motherfucker” You sneer, getting ready to attack. The vampire lunges at you, but suddenly a white light illuminates from his body, you watch him fall to the ground. Castiel stands in front of you.  


“You have a colorful way with words.” He smirks. Was he making a joke?  
“Are you really making a joke right now?” You let out a small laugh, shaking your head.  
“Y/N?” You freeze, turning and kneeling in front of Dean.  
“Hey” You cry out, trying to hold back tears. There's a gash on his forehead, you caress his face.  
“What the hell are you doing here” He grunts, you laugh, leave it to Dean to yell at you.  
“Someone has to rescue you” You tease him, you feel Castiel behind you.  
“Here” He says, moving his fingers to Dean's head, a second later, the older Winchester was good as new. Dean stood up and engulfed you in a hug, kissing the top of your head. Pulling away, he turns his attention to Sam, who was still unconscious.  
“Castiel can you wake him?” You ask turning to the angel , he smiles at you and does the whole finger angel thing. Sam gasps, waking up startled, looks around. Realizing he was safe, his body relaxes. Sam spots you standing near Castiel, machete in hand, he jumps up.“What the hell are doing here, you said you wouldn't come!” Sam shook his head at you, hugging you tightly. “Thanks for coming” He says into your ear. “Remember, I'm here for you no matter what” You whisper to him. Grinning, the two of you pull apart.  
“Thanks Cas, for coming” Sam says to the angel. The younger Winchester still didn't know where he stood with the angel, not since that damn night, Cas had disappeared. He waited for a response.  
“Of course Sam, you and Dean are my friends,” The angel nods, relief floods over Sam. 

The four of you walked out the cabin, Sam and Dean walk ahead. Castiel and you walked side by side.  
“I bet this cabin was really nice once” You say looking at the angel, he nods, looking around.  
“I agree” His facial expression was serious, making you smile. He pauses at the porch, you stop with him. He touches the banister, smiling to himself. You watch him and you feel at peace.  
“It's almost like the one we use to have, huh?” The words come out smooth and swift before you can catch yourself. The angel freezes, he can't believe the words that just came out of your mouth. His eyes slowly lift to meet yours. Blue crystals stare at you.You were just as stunned as him, but you didn't want to show it. Smiling nervously, you walk off the porch and towards the Impala. Your whole body is rattled, your legs ready to collaspe any second. Getting to Baby, you lean against it for support. Standing there listening to the boys talk, staring at the space inbetween them, the darkness of the woods behind them, because you were trying your best to not look over at the angel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this far! Hope you enjoy this chapter and where the story is going. 
> 
> Comments/kudos/suggestions please let me know!
> 
> also can find me @ http://castielohcastiel.tumblr.com/
> 
> THANKS!
> 
> Also song I listened to while writing this chapter was Road to Nowhere by The Talking Heads.


	19. Colours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang enjoys a well needed day of fun at a carnival.

Sam says your name twice, before you realize it. You've been staring at what seems like them, but the brothers notice how off you seem. You shake your head, apologizing, “Sorry, I'm zoning out. Can we get outta here?” Sam gives you an nod and opens the backseat door for you, slipping into the familiar seat, you relax. “Hey Cas, you coming back with us?” Dean yells towards the cabin. You sneak a peek, the angel is by the porch, coming towards the Impala. Knowing Sam was going to be shot gun, you slide over to the window. The three men get into the car, the air was filled with exhaustion and awkward tension. This was the first time in six months the four of you were in the same proximity of each other. The humming of the car starting relaxes you, the classic rock music coming from the tape player sends waves of soothing air through you. Sighing softly, you watch the quiet night through the window. The whole car was silence, but the music, no one talked. Your neck was starting to hurt from craning it towards the window, because you were too afraid to even look at the angel. You finally convinced your brain to stop being so silly. You straighten up and face forward, in the corner of your eye, you see the angel glance over at you. He stares for a second but moves his eyes to the window.  
“Hey look” Sam points out, you crank your neck to look out the front window. You see a glow of lights in the far distance. The closer the Impala got, the clearer the image became. You gasps in excitement, Castiel looks out the window, trying to see what grabbed your attention.  
“What is that?” The angel ask, you finally look over at him, smiling, “A carnival, Castiel!” you shook his shoulders, the tension between the two of you seemed to vanish. You kept shaking the angel laughing at his confused face. He smiled at you, nodding, even though you were pretty sure he still didn't know what a carnival was.  
“You guys, please let's go!” You begged, Sam looked at Dean.  
“Don't roll your eyes!” You smack the older Winchester in the shoulder, he growled at you, making a burst of laughter leave you.  
“I want to go” Castiel's deep voice comes from besides you. He grins at you, you immediately blush.  
“We can not take this experience away from Castiel!” You proclaimed, Dean sighed.  
“Fine, tomorrow, after a good night's rest. You need sleep” His words stern.  
“Okay, old man” You tease. 

The three of you had gotten to the carnival around noon, after sleeping in and breakfast. Castiel had called to say he would meet up with you three later on, he had business to take care of in heaven. It was two hours into being there, you managed to drag the three men to see the animals, which Dean complained about how bad it smelled. There was a whole art gallery that Sam and you enjoyed, taking extra time to look at each painting just to annoy the hell out of Dean. It was during a food break that consisted of beer and hot dogs on a stick, that a sight caught your eye. You laughed out loud, slapping Dean's arm. “What?” He said with a mouth full of corn dog. You pointed straight ahead of where you sat, Sam and Dean followed your finger. Both laughed at the sight of Castiel, standing still looking around, a huge teddy bear in his arms. It was the cutest thing you ever seen. Quickly you grabbed your cell, snapping several photos. Laughing more, the three of you were nearly in tears.  
“You guys, we gotta go get him” Dean held his hand up, signaling for Sam and you to stay put. You watched the older Winchester jog over to Castiel, who looked relieved to see the hunter. The two of them walked towards were you sat with Sam. You felt yourself getting nervous, trying not to relive what happened last night. Castiel's eyes fell upon yours as he walked up to the table. You couldn't help but smile.  
“Hey Cas, what do you have there?” Sam asked, laughing. Castiel sighed, putting the teddy bear down on the table.  
“The man at the booth kept accosting me, saying how I could not knock down the milk jars.” The angel shook his head, you giggled.  
“So I had to prove him wrong. Which I did” A little smirked appeared on the angel's face, you found it quite endearing. “Hey Cas let me take it to the car. It's going to be a pain in the ass to lug it around”, Dean offered.  
After returning from the car, the four of you wondered around. It was fun watching Castiel have a good time, playing the different carnival games and even trying a fried twinkie, which he did not like at all. You suggested going on the ferris wheel as his first ride, to ease him into the much faster rides there. Dean and Sam opted out, something about fried food. Dean wanted to get more fried food, Sam wanted to make sure he didn't eat too much. 

“Are you afraid?” The angel asks you, you shake your head no. “Not really, the view will be nice” You say looking up at the bright sky. The two of you stood in line, waiting for your turn to get onto the ferris wheel. The line moved fast and before you knew it, Castiel and you were sitting side by side on the ferris wheel. You felt your nerves rise, adrenaline of being so high. The pace was slow at first, as the riders were being loaded onto the ferris wheel. The angel senses your sudden anxiety, reaches for your hand, taking it in his. The sudden affections startles you, but feels too nice to let go. So many words needed to be said, lines ran through your mind, trying to figure out what to say next. But nothing came out. The moment felt too sweet, any words it felt like it would ruin it all, make it all disappear. The ferris wheel was still loading riders, bringing the two of you to the very top. The view was breathtaking, the sky was bright with a cool breeze. You sigh contently, knowing up here, no one could see you, no one could ruin this moment. Some many emotions flowed through you, but anger was not one of them. You didn't want to be angry with the boys or the angel anymore. Everyone made mistakes. Castiel should have told you the truth right away, the boys shouldn't have kept it all a secret and you should have never ran away from your problems. You steal a glance at the angel, he was looking out towards the sky, his face so serious. He feels you staring , his eyes turn to you. Smiling softly at you, his lips part a little. The breeze causes a strand of his brown locks to flop back. Without thinking, you reach across and gently place it back, blue eyes follow your movement. You slide your hand down the side of his face, leaving it, gently cupping his cheek. Rubbing your thumb across his warm skin, Castiel leans into it. A memory comes flowing into your mind of Castiel close to you as he was now. _He was laughing, pushing your hair away from your face. His blue eyes were just as piercing as they were now._ The memory fades and you are left staring at the angel. Pulling his head closer to yours, you kiss him greedily. You weren't sure if it was the memory or how you feel for him, that made you kiss him. But once your lips met, it was like the last several months never happened. You were back with him behind the diner, right before you could say those three words to him. His mouth on yours felt warm and vibrating. Someone had to pull away, otherwise you were sure the two of you could stay that way forever. You gently pull back, glancing up at him. His eyes are soft and you can only smile as you sit back. Your whole body feels relaxed. Castiel's body vibrates when he feels you rest your head on his shoulder. So many things he wanted to say, but just having you this close, it felt enough., watching the world go 'round and 'round, it all felt enough. 

“Dean, really?” Sam asks, watching his brother stuff his face with a fried twinkie. Dean rolls his eyes and takes a bite. Sam watches the ferris wheel in the distance, Dean notices were his brother's eyes wonder too. “You okay, Sammy?” he nudges Sam. Sam shrugs, taking a sip of his water, he was fine. Nothing matter, as long as you were happy, Sam was satisfied with just that. Dean swallows the last of his twinkie and turns to Sam, “ Listen, I know it you had , have , feelings for Y/N,” he pauses to make sure his brother is listening, “But if she wants to be with Cas, you have to be alright with that”. Dean pats his brothers shoulder, Sam looks over and smiles, “Dean, I know man.” Sam stands up, saying he needs to use the restroom, walking towards the ferris wheel, he had seen the restrooms near it. The carnival was crowded as Sam made his way through, he was walking up next to the ferris wheel, going around it. He saw a crowd of riders coming down the ramp, he immediately show Cas and you. The two of you walked side by side, Sam chuckles at how odd the angel looks in the trench coat. Sticking out like a sore thumb. Sam can't bring himself to move, he just keeps watching, he was far enough to not be noticed. But he wasn't worried, the two of you were so engage in one another, a bomb could drop and neither of you would flinch. The two of you move off to the side of the ride. He watches you two talk, the way the two of you looked at each other. Suddenly feeling like he was watching an intimate moment, he quickly walked away to find the restroom. 

“I think we need to talk” Castiel says, his voice is commanding but soft. You nod, following him off to the side of ride's exit ramp. You felt a little dizzy from the kiss. But you shake it off, looking at the angel.  
“At the cabin, with the vampires, you..” The angel pauses, looking for the words to say next, “How long?” He finally ask, his eyes stare straight into you. You looked away, because when you stared too long into those beautiful blue gifts, it transports you to a different world. Where the two of you were happy in love, together, not a care in the world.  
“Not too long, I was gone for six months, I mean, you know this..” Feeling flustered, you take a breathe and continue, “ Once Gabriel gave me my memories back, I couldn't stand to be alone.”  
Castiel freezes, “Gabriel?” his voice was filled with confusion, but you could see in his eyes, the wheels turning, he was figuring it out. “Of course” He sighs, resigning in the fact that he should have known. “He always had a soft spot for you”.  
“Well, we were old college drinking buddies” You laugh softly, Castiel's eyes squint in confusion.  
“I'll explain another time.” You pat the angels shoulders, “But he did say my memories would slowly come back, so I don't remember a whole lot. Sometimes certain things trigger little sprouts of memories” You blush thinking of the memory you had while on the ride. Castiel opens his mouth, you just know in your gut that he wants to have a serious conversation, so you stop him from talking.  
“Listen, the last 24 hours have not been easy or fun. We can talk later, I promise,” You reach for the angel's hand, the tugging in the pit of your stomach pulls harder. He engulfs your hand in his.  
“Can we just have fun today? Let's get on some more rides and you can watch me consume my weight in fried food?” You joke, shrugging your shoulders. Castiel breaks into a smile, pulling you closer to him, making you grasp. His free arm wraps around your waist. His breath falls on your lips, you feel your mouth go dry. You close your eyes as his lips touch yours. The kiss is soft and knowing. It sends a surge of energy straight through you. He gently pulls away, your eyes stay close for a few seconds, before they reopen. Blue eyes meet yours. You are speechless.  
“I do not think eating your weight in fried food would be good for your health” The angel says with a hint of humor. You let out a rasp laugh, nodding in agreement. “Let's go find the boys” You say, not releasing his hand, pulling as you lead the way through the crowd.  


The angel looks down at your hands interlocking, smiles to himself and hopes somehow he won't lose you this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So sorry for the long wait for a new chapter, had a little writers block. But I finally got the chapter finished, making it a little longer. The next chapter will probably continue at the carnival.
> 
> Let me know what you think! Thanks guys!
> 
>  
> 
> Chapter Title : Colours by Grouplove


	20. Hands Down

Dean was nursing his beer, waiting for everyone to return. He was actually enjoying himself today, it was nice having a normal day. He smiled to himself, sipping his beer and scanning the crowd for those familiar faces. His eyes wondered to a cute brunette, but beyond her, a few paces behind, Dean spotted the angel and you. He immediately saw your hand holding Castiel's, saying something to the angel that makes him grin. Dean is taken a back, he's never seen Castiel that happy. The two of you were damn near glowing. He watched the two of you come closer.  
“I see Dean” You point to where he sat, Cas nodded. He casually slipped his hand away from yours, causing you to jerk up to look at him.  
“Sorry, I was not sure if you wanted him to see us holding hands” The angel gives you a small smile, you frown. You weren't sure what was happening between the two of you or what it was, so maybe Castiel had a point. Keep it under wraps until the two of you could talk and figure things out.  
“I'm not keen on the idea of hiding things from the boys, but maybe for now we should” You suggest looking at the angel, who nods in agreement. The two of walk up the Dean, who smiles and offers you his beer. You gleefully take it, take a gulp then holding it up to Castiel. He shakes his head no, you shrug and hand it over to Dean. After a few minutes, Sam returns. The four of you decide to just walk around and see the rest of what the carnival has to offer. Stopping to grab some more beers, minus the angel. While waiting for the brothers, who stood in line , you spot a row of photo booths. You tug at Castiel's coat. He looks at you, slightly alarmed.

 

“Look, let's go take a photo!” You start walking towards the photo booths, the angel right behind you. You reach an empty one and slip into the booth. A few seconds later, you see Castiel's shoes outside the booth, drawing back the curtain, you laugh.  
“Come in, take a photo with me” You motioned for the angel to come closer. He takes a sit next to you.  
“This will take our photo?” He asks, you nod, searching for the change to pay for a photo.  
“Okay, so it's going to take three photos in a row. We just have to pose” You explain to Castiel, who nods. You put in the right amount of cash and the count down begins.  
“Okay! It's time. We have to pose Castiel!” You squeal, laughing at yourself. The screens flashes down from three. You quickly rested your head on the angel's shoulder and stare straight. Two. The angel looks down at you and smiles. ONE. The photo is taken.  
“Another one, look at the camera” You point to where the angel should look at. Three. Two. You quickly look to make sure the angel is looking straight ahead, a small smile is on his face. One. The second photo is taken. You straighten up for the last photo.  
“This is the last one, let's make it good” You say running a hand through your hair. Your eyes meet his, he smiles at you. His eyes stare right through you. Your heart is pounding so fast and you forget about the last photo. Instead, you slip your hand around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss. His lips softly press against yours, his hand cups the side of your face. Flash. The third photo is taken. You are startled by the flash, laughing into Castiel's mouth. You slowly pull back.  
“Is this the reason why you wanted me join you in here?” Castiel asked, you laugh shrugging.  
“Maybe, maybe not” You tease back. A chuckle escapes his lips, making you smile wide. You could hear him laugh all day.  
“Let's go, our pictures are going to come out.” The two of you step outside the booth, you remember the boys. You look back at the beer stand and see the boys carrying beers and looking around. You yell their names a few times, before they finally see you. Dean nods at you, holding up a beer in each hand.  
“Our pictures” You hear Castiel say beside you. He's holding up two copies of the photos that were taken. You take one and can't contain the smile on your face. The pictures were extremely adorable, the first with Castiel looking down at you smiling, the second with you looking up at the angel and smiling and the third, the kiss. It made your heart flutter. You watch the angel looking over the photos, he was smiling to himself.  
“Hey guys!” You her Sam yell from behind you. You watch Castiel carefully slip the photo into his trench coat pocket. You follow suit, placing the photo in your bag.

 

“Where did you two sneak off to?” Dean asked, giving you a sly look. You shoot him a confused look, but then point to the photo booths  
“Oh, cool” Dean rolled his eyes, you smacked him.  
“Let's take one!” You say to him, he groans.  
“Come on, I'll take one with you” Sam says, you give Dean a bratty smile and ask Castiel to hold your beer. He smiles at you, taking the cup from your hand, letting his fingers touch yours. You try not to blush.  
“You might be too big to fit” You laugh, shoving Sam towards the booth. He rolls his eyes, getting in, you follow him. You start taking out money, but the younger Winchester beats you to hit. Sam scoots closer to you, moving his arm around your shoulder. You laugh as he squeezes you tight. The first photo taken is of you laughing and Sam smiling at the camera. The second is the two of you doing Dean impressions, shooting smoldering looks into the camera. The last one is just the two of you being yourselves. Leaning into each other and smiling. After the last photo is taken, you look up at the giant.  
“We're good right?” You ask, Sam looks at you smiling. You knew where you stood with Dean, he was easy. But Sam, it was a delicate relationship. You wanted nothing more to just be good with Sam, to know he was there for you and you for him. You didn't want anything to mess up what the two of you had. “We'll always be good” Sam says, side hugging you, kissing you on the head. The lovely moment was interrupted by Dean, sticking his head inside and proclaiming he wanted a turn. He pushed you over, making Sam stumble out of the booth. The two of you laughed for a good two minutes before calming down.  
“Come on Winchester, let's rock this shit” You say, getting into a posing position.  
“Anything for you, brat” He smiles at you. One. Two. Three. One. Two. Three. One. Two. Three. 

 

“Oh hell no” Dean groaned, walking away from you. You look over at Sam, who shakes his head no, walking away towards his brother. Finally, you glanced over at Castiel, who's staring at the sign, head cocked to the side. The four of you were leaving the the carnival when you spotted the psychic tent. You stopped dead in your tracks. You couldn't leave without stepping into that damn tent. You always wanted to go to a cheesy psychic. Honestly, you knew a real psychic or two, but this was an opportunity you couldn't give up. None of the boys wanted in, so you said you'd meet them at the car. You walked into the tent, everything you expected it to be, was not. It wasn't dark, gloomy, no crystal ball. Feeling slightly disappointed, you heard a throat clear. You turned to your right, a young woman stood there. Blond hair pulled into a low pony tail, jeans and black tank top, blue eyes greeted you.  
“Here for a reading?' She asked, pointing to the small table in the corner of the tent, two chairs next to it.  
“Yeah, sure” You say, following her to the table. The two of you sit and she smiles taking your hand. You wanted to laugh, but held your composure. The woman didn't say a thing, two minutes went by, her eyes closed. No facial expression. You realized this was a mistake, she probably was going to give you some generic reading. You were about to put pull back your hand when the woman's eyes popped open.  
“Holy shit” She whispered. You laughed, taking back your hand. She stared at you, opening her mouth then closing it.  
“Okay, thanks. But I'll be leaving now” You start getting up, but she grabs your wrist. She was luckily you didn't have your gun on you. Your hunter instincts wanted to kick in, but you suppressed the feeling.  
“The brothers, you need to leave them” She spoke clearly, but your brain was not understanding. You pulled your wrist from her hand.  
“What the hell are you talking about?' You snarl.  
“And the other man, what is he?” She said this to herself, but then looked at you. “You need to leave him too. Stay away from the three.” Your body shook with every word that came out of her mouth. You were convinced this women was not human, she had to be a demon or something.  
“Are you a fucking demon?” You shouted, moving closer to her, grabbing her by the arm. Her eyes widen, full of fear. You slowly let go of her, your breathing was rapid.  
“I'm not a demon. I'm a medium and when I touched your hand.” She paused, rubbing her wrist, “I saw your deaths. You need to stay away from those men.”  
You wanted to end this women, but you turned to walk away and out the tent, but her voice stopped you.  
“One already caused your death once, don't let it happen again” She warned, you didn't turn to look at her. You kept walking until you saw the three men, leaning against Baby. Dean smiled when he saw, nodding to Sam, who turned and held up a bag of cotton candy in his hand. You smiled because he remember you liked the blue kind. And then you eyes met those crystal blue eyes, you heart fluttered and ached at the same time. The psychic's word rang in your head, but you pushed her words away. Getting into the Impala with your boys, you wished you never went into that damn tent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had to do another chapter at the carnival, because I just love seeing these guys having a good time! But every good time has to come to an end, SADLY.
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoyed.  
> Comments, concerns, suggestions are always welcomed!
> 
>  
> 
> Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional.


	21. I know, I know it's serious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A talk with Dean.

Sitting alone in the bunker library, shuffling through your notes, you stop and lean back into your chair. You had your headphones on, listening to The Smiths. Singing along softly, straighten up, you get back to the research. It's been a week since the carnival, but the medium's words wouldn't leave you. You were spending this Tuesday morning going through any information you could find on souls and past lives. Having a lot of questions, but not finding many answers. Countless accounts of past lives didn't lead you anywhere, you weren't even sure any of them were legit. The lore in the library contained little about souls, nothing useful. You think of Castiel, smiling to yourself. He called to say he would be over later on during the day, the thought of him being close, made your entire body blush. Through the last week, he'd pop in and just hang out. But the two of your were hardly alone, he usually only stuck around for a bit, before heaven was calling for him. 

You closed your laptop, not finding anything of substance online, you reach for another book, casually you start flipping through the pages.  
“Girlfriend in a coma, I know, I know, it's serious..” You sing, tapping your feet along to the song.  
“What the hell are you singing?” You jump, as Dean appears next to you. Taking off your headphones, you look up at the Winchester.  
“The Smiths, you know there are other musicians out there, besides Bob Seger., right?” You mumble. Dean acts offend as he places a plate and beer in front of you.  
“I made grilled cheese sandwiches, eat” He huffed, walking to the opposite side of the table, settling across from you.  
“Thanks” You say with a mouth full of food, Dean just shakes his head and takes a drink from his beer.  
“Welcome. So what does Sammy have you researching now?” He motioned towards all the books  
You shake your head, “Nothing, I'm doing my own research, trying to find some answers about souls and past lives” Dean gives you a “ahh” look, because research disinterests him so much.  
“How's it going”? He asks, showing a little interest, most likely for your benefit. You shrugged, taking another bite of the grill cheese.  
“Nothing. Coming up with a pile of pure nothingness. Shit” You roll your eyes, annoyed that all the research that was done came up short. Dean shot you a sympathetic look.  
“Why don't you just ask Cas? He probably can give you more information then the internet or books. Dude's like really old” Dean offered.  
“I know, but he's busy. He has like his own damn army of angels in heaven.” You pause to take a sip of your beer, “Plus, I can't call him every time I have a problem, I'm not the Winchesters” You tease, Dean glares at you but shrugs it off.  
“Hey what's the point of having an angel for a friend, if you can't ask for help once in a while” Dean defends himself, you laugh, rolling your eyes.  
“OK, I get it, but give the man a break. Between Heaven problems and Winchester problems. He doesn't need me adding on to all that” Dean's silence to your words only proves your point even more. 

 

“Well fine, but I'm glad he came when that fucking bloodsucker got you” Dean's voice is somber and a seriousness fills the room, you shift in your chair, reaching across the table for Dean's hand.  
“I didn't even realize I was calling for Cas until I saw him healing you” Dean says, gently releasing your hand. You bite your lip, nodding but not making eye contact with his green eyes.  
He gives you curious glance, “What?” he asks.  
“I called for him that night, in my mind” You say, feeling a sense of relief, because you held that in since that night.  
Dean gives you a small smile, “Well, you didn't want to die. It was a good call.”  
Shaking your head, you sigh, “No Dean, I just wanted to see him before I died” Your words hit the older Winchester hard and heavy. He could feel himself getting angry.  
“Are you fucking kidding me, Y/N?” He yelled, his voice echoed in the room, making you flinch a little.  
“Dean, we are HUNTERS! You and Sam alone, have died like 100 times!” you point out. Dean's jaw clenched as he rolled his eyes at you.  
“So you were just going to give up? Leave me and Sammy alone?” Dean questioned, the last part came out in a hushed huff. You watch his face, stoic and serious. You knew deep down Dean understood, you don't get to die as many times as he did, without understanding. He had to. In that moment, you were okay with going. It was a hunter's fate, something you prepared for. And what was the point of Dean getting angry now, you were alive and well.  
You soften your voice before you speak again. “Please don't fight me on this, I was damn near dead. I just wanted to see him. Tell him..” Stopping yourself from saying anything more, because tears were filling your eyes, you wiped them away before they could fall. Dean held his tongue, he obviously knew how you felt about the angel and how hard it was for you to talk about it. He felt like an ass now, giving you an apologetic look. 

 

“It's fine Dean. I'm glad I didn't die. But I also know, one day I will, most likely sooner, because I'm a hunter. And probably while trying to save you two jackasses” You joke, referring to him and Sam, trying to lighten the mood. But Dean was not amused.  
“Don't say that. It's not funny,” he muttered. You threw your hands up in frustration.  
“Dean, I don't care if you don't like it. I would gladly die for Sammy and you. I wouldn't think twice if it meant the two of you would live.” The mediums words echo in your head, but you shake them away, getting up to move next to Dean. You sit on the table facing him.  
“I don't want that for you. It's not worth it” He shakes his head, looking up at you, his green eyes filled with sorrow.  
“Don't you get it?” You laugh softly, moving your hand to his shoulder. “The Winchesters are heroes. How many times have you stopped the world from crumbling? How many lives have you saved?” The broken man looks down, but you grab his chin, gently pulling his gaze to you.  
“I love you and Sam so much. You saved me, you gave me a reason to live. You became my family, my heart. You..” pausing to sigh, “You brought Castiel back to me” the words come out hushed, leaving you breathless. You gently caress Dean's face, recomposing yourself, “So fucking stop with the self loathing shit and start being the good righteous man I know and love” you smile, letting go of his chin. He gives you the famous Dean smirk, before nodding.  
“Okay” You sigh liking his answer. Smiling to yourself, glad that you got all that out in the open. 

 

“Alright, I'm done with this research crap. I think I will ask Castiel, when he comes today” You hop off the table, but Dean grabs your arm.  
“So you guys together now?” He smirks again, releasing your hand.  
“I..don't know” You admit, blushing like an idiot.  
“You guys sure looked like a couple at the carnival, holding hands and all” His words make you turn beet red.  
“You saw that?” You shoved the green eyed man, he nearly loses his balance on the chair, but grabs the table laughing.  
“You two looked pretty cute” His teasing voice, made you bury your face in your hands.  
“Stop Dean” You threatened him with your fist. He threw his hands up to protect his precious face.  
“What is going on?” Sam chuckles from behind you, making you draw back your fist.  
“I'm just teasing her about Cas” Dean takes a sip of his beer, smiling to himself. Sam laughs.  
“You mean at the carnival?” Sam asks, you shoot him a look that warns him to stop talking. He holds his hands up in defense, backing away.  
“I'm not saying anything” The tall man says, reaching the doorway.  
“I'm not going to say a word. Not one. Not even about how the two of you were throwing lovely dovey eyes at each other the entire time.” Sam's teasing words, made your jaw drop. Dean was laughing next to you.  
“Not one word Y/N. Not even about how the two of you conveniently disappeared into some photo booth.” Sam smiled wide, shrugging his shoulders. You groaned.  
Dean was damn near dying of laughter, barely getting out , “SAM RUN” as you started towards the younger Winchester, but he has longer legs then you. He takes off quick, reaching his bedroom and locking the door behind him, before you get there. He's laughing on the other side of door, you pound on it.  
“You have to come out eventually!” You yell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this story is generally a castiel x reader concept, but I think the relationship with the Winchesters is really important, so bare with me. But don't worry, I have some fun Castiel parts coming up!
> 
> Please leave feedback, it really does help!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Chapter Title comes from Girlfriend in a Coma by the Smiths.


	22. I Want To

You held your breath, wanting to stay as quiet as possible. Sam would walk in any minute, you heard him in the shower. You held the the bowl of flour in your hands, patiently waiting in the closet. You had to get him back for making fun of you and Cas, otherwise the guys would never let you live it down. You hear the bedroom door open, you stifle a laugh, a big grin runs across your face. You hear Sam shuffling around the room. Open the damn closet door Sam! Your mind screamed. After a minute, you hear the door knob being turned, holding the bowl up, ready to flour the hell out of the younger Winchester. The door swings up, Sam is standing there in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, his chest was slightly wet, his hair was combed back. You yell, making him jump back as you throw all the flour onto him. It takes him a good second to realize what just occurred.  
“Y/N!” He yelled, his face and chest caked in flour. You immediately run past him, barely missing the grasps of his hands.  
“I got you back SAMUEL!” You scream in victory, waving the empty bowl in your hand, not even looking back as you run out the door. The commotion brings Dean out of his room, you body slam into him.  
“Oh shit” You laugh, immediately cowarding behind his back. Sam was now in the hall way, covered in flour. Dean burst out in laughter, reaching around you and pulling you into his back.  
“Hand her over” Sam muttered, holding up his towel with one hand, the other wiping his face so he could see better.  
“Sammy, I can't do that” Dean smirked, you peek over your shoulder. Sam looked at you, a sly look on his face.  
“Fine you got me back. Fair is fair.” He smiles, walking closer to where Dean and you stood.  
“Stay back” You warn, moving Dean closer to you. He grunts because you're pulling too hard.  
“Truths” Sam offers.  
“Fine, go away now” You wave him off, but Sam just gets closer until he's corned you and Dean. You grab hold of Dean's shoulders, pressing your face into his back, so you don't' see the look Sam gives his brother. Because suddenly Dean whips you from behind him and flour is in your face. Sam has you in his arms, your face firmly against his chest. You laugh, trying to wiggly your way from his grip.  
“DEAN YOU TRAITOR” You yell as Sam finally releases you.  
“Hey, it was either you or me. I ain't getting flour on me” Dean cocked his eyebrows, laughing at the sight of you. Flour was in your hair, on your face and shirt.  
“We're even, okay!” You warned. Sam chuckles but nods. You extend your hand, wanting to shake on it. Sam smiles, taking your hand in his, shaking it. You give him a sweet smile as you pull the towel from him, immediately closing your eyes as the towel releases from him and is in your grip. You run to the safety of your room, as Dean yells, “OH COME ON. SON OF A BITCH. I DIDN'T NEED TO SEE THAT”. 

A few hours later, everyone was settled down. Dean was in he garage working on Baby, Sam was watching a history documentary and you were in the kitchen, drinking a cup of coffee and reading issue #83 of The Walking Dead comics. Sipping from your mug, becoming more engaged by the minute, turning the pages as you quickly read. You knew what was coming, having seen how it played out on the show. After a week of living with the Winchesters, you discovered that they had not watched the show, that night you made them sit down to watch the first episode. You smiled when they wanted to see the next episode and the one after that. Pretty soon it became the go to show, trying to catch every episode when it came out or binge watching when there was finally down time from cases. So you knew what was going to happen next, but still as you turned the page and saw the image before you, you gasped.  
“Are you okay?” Castiel's deep voice made you jump. You didn't even hear him come into the kitchen, he stood there staring intently, waiting for a response. Your mouth opened then closed, looking down at the comic, you held it up.  
“Carl was shot in the eye” You say shaking your head. Castiel peers forward, trying to see what was it that made you gasp. He stared at the boy with a serious wound to his eye, then looked at you. Sighing, you put the comic down, muttering to yourself.  
“What? Even with my angel hearing, your words are all disheveled” Castiel sits next to you, taking the comic in his hands, examining the page.  
“Sorry, it's just. Damn, I saw the show and this scene, but it's still breathtaking, shocking” You try to explain, Castiel looks up from the comic and smiles kindly at you. You blush, taking the comic from his hands.  
“Anyway, when did you get here?” Castiel's eyes wonders back to the comic.  
“Castiel” Your voice gets his attention and he says, “Just a few minutes ago, I had something to discuss with Dean. Can I see that?” His hand moves to the comic, you hand it over, laughing at the angel's interest.  
“If you want to read it, you have to start from the beginning.” You pointed out standing up.  
“Come on, I have all the issues, that's the latest” Grabbing the comic from the angel's hand, he stands up and follows you through the bunker. The two of you walk into your room, motioning Castiel over to the bookshelf, he starts reading the different books you have.  
“You like to read” He states, pulling a copy of Little Women off the shelf, reading the back of the it.  
“Oh, that's a good one. It's actually my mom's copy. My dad gave it to me” You smile fondly, kneeling down to get the first couple of issues of TWD. “It's funny that you grabbed that one, my favorite character in the story is named Josephine.” You laugh softly as the angel's eyes glance over to yours, he lets a small smile appear on his face.  
“Of course it is” He shakes his head, opening the book.  
“Anyway, I guess my mom had it since she was young, when I was around 8 my dad gave it to me” You get on your knees fully, bending down to search for the issues.  
“Do you miss your parents?” Castiel asks, flipping through the book.  
Finding then pulling out the issues you needed, you stand back up.  
“Honestly, my dad yes. He was a great father. My mom killed herself when I was 3, so I don't remember her much” Holding up the issues to show the angel, he returns the book back to its place.  
“I'm sorry about your mom. Your father surly was a great man, look how you turned out” The angel's words make you fluster, you feel your face turn warm.  
“Thank you.” You say shyly, “Here, the first 5 issues.” Castiel smiles as he takes them in his hand. You walk over to your record player and put on a Smiths' vinyl. Feeling the angel's eyes on your back, you smile to yourself.  
“You look stressed, How's heaven?” You ask, turning around to face him. He sighs, shrugging. He just says that there's a lot of things going on up there and he is constantly needed.  
“You need a break” You insist, going to your bed and setting up the pillows against the headboard. You order the angel to lounge on the bed and to read the first two issues of TWD. He hesitates at first, but the stern look you give him, changes his mind. He relaxes his back against the pillows, his leg over the other, he loses himself in the pages of the first issue. You sit on the floor, next to the bed, reading Little Women. The room remains quite, only the voice of Morrissey can be heard, softly playing in the background. After Castiel reads the first four issues, he watches you from the bed. Your head is bend down, the book in your lap. He watches your fingers turn to the next page and he feels a fluttering in his heart. He thinks of the advice Dean gave him earlier, before he went to the kitchen. 

The angel appeared in the garage, making Dean jumped.“Hey Cas” He grumbled, shutting the trunk of the Impala. Castiel went straight to the point, he wanted to ask you out on a date, but was not sure how to. Dean chuckled, telling his friend that he came to the right person. “Don't worry Cas, we got this”.

You feel the angel's eyes on you, his energy seeps through you. Setting down the book on the floor, you turn to look at the man. His blue eyes will never not take your breath away. “You're burning holes in my head with all that staring,” you joke. Castiel's eyes widen, he shakes his head. He apologizes, fumbling over his words, which was unlike the angel. You watch him babble on about nothing, laughing you hold your hands up for him to stop.  
“What's going on Castiel?” you question him, getting up from the floor and sitting on the bed, he scoots over so you have room. He sighs nervously, then looks at you.  
“I wanted to know if you would go on a date with me, tomorrow night” He finally says, the words come with an anxious smile. A wide smile appears on your face, sighing with relief.  
“I thought you'd never ask.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys, thanks for reading this far. 
> 
> The next chapter will be about the BIG DATE! Haven't we all been waiting for this?
> 
> Thanks reading and comments/kudos/suggestions are welcomed!
> 
> Chapter Title: I Want To by Best Coast


	23. In The Place Where I Make No Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The big date with the angel.

“He didn't say” holding your cell up against your ear, you were skimming through your closet, trying to decide on what to wear for your date with Castiel.  
“He didn't say if it was a casual date or like full on formal one?” Jo's voice came out with sass and a side of annoyance.  
“I said no! Jesus Jo” Muttering into the phone, you immediately apologize for your tone.  
“It's fine. Stop stressin. He obviously likes you, so just find something black, cute and simple” her words come out encouraging this time, making you feel better. You thank Jo for the advice and she makes you promise to call her after the date, with all the details You agree and hang up/  
“Black.Cute.Simple” you chant, rummaging through your clothes. Pulling out a black quarter length sleeve dress, you pressed it up against your body. Looking into the full length mirror that was on the back of the closer door, you smile. The dress came a little above your knees, it was modest but cute. You could pair it with black flats and call it a day. You hardly ever got the chance to dress up, so it felt out of character for you. A soft knock on the door gets your attention.  
“Yeah” you call over your shoulders, still looking at the mirror.  
“Hey, so there's a ..” Sam's voice falters as he sees the dress in your hands. You turn to face him, giving him a nod.  
“There's a what?” You ask. Sam shakes his head, “A case, tomorrow, about 3 hours away. You coming with?” Pulling the dress away from your body, you set it down on the bed.  
“Yeah, of course” Sam nods, glancing over to the dress. He doesn't say a word  
“It's called a dress, Sam” you voice comes out teasingly. He smirks, rolling his eyes, running a hand through his brown locks.  
“I know. I didn't know you even owned one” He's only ever seen you in jeans, t shirts, flannels and running shorts.  
“I know” You agree, “But Castiel's taking me out tonight, so I figured I'd give my jeans and flannels a night off.” Sam nods, understanding now. “You'll have a good time” he assures you before excusing himself. He was headed out to the store, you asked him to bring more peanut butter, he smiles and leaves. You collapse on to the bed. You had four hours, before the angel would arrive.

 

Looking into the mirror, you were ready for the night. Putting on your black flats, you adjust the dress, making sure it fit well. Running your fingers through your short hair, you let it air dry after the shower, letting it settle into soft waves. It didn't take long for you to get ready, especially since you did not wear makeup. You always felt that it never looked good on you or maybe you weren't applying it on correctly. It didn't matter, Castiel would arrive shortly. You grab a small black bag, draping it over your chest, it rested on your side. Before leaving the room, you grabbed the green jacket Dean had got you months ago. The bunker was quiet, you peer into Sam's room, but it was empty. You head to the kitchen to get some water. The water refreshes you, but doesn't do a thing to calm your nerves. Reaching in the cabinet over the sink, you take out the bottle of whiskey Dean kept. Pouring a little in a glass, you lean against the counter, sipping from it. The kitchen door opens, Dean stops in his tracks, his eyes look you up and down.  
“Don't fucking objectify me Dean Winchester” He shakes his head as you set the glass down.  
“I wasn't, I promise. Never seen you in a dress before.” He eyes your glass of whiskey, “You look good. You look nervous too.” He walked around to you, grabbing a glass and pouring whiskey for himself.  
“Yeah, I don't know why. It's pathetic” Dean shrugs, telling you it's okay. That you were going to have great time with the angel. “Plus, don't tell him, but I helped him plan the date” Dean admitted. You look surprised, but then again, Dean was a good friend.  
“Wow, should I thank you now or later?” You tease, Dean smirks, shrugging his shoulders.  
“We'll see” You laugh, feeling less nervous now and more anxious to get the date started.  
“So, is my attire appropriate for this date?” You spin around, Dean nods.  
“Yes. You look nothing like a hunter, though” You cock your eyebrow, lifting your dress dangerously high. Dean averts his eyes immediately, but you tell him to look. Your gun was strapped to your thigh.  
“Holy..hell. That's kinda hot” Dean bites his bottom lip, making you immediately pull your dress down. You smack his shoulders, but you know he's just pulling your chain.  
“You don't need that. You're going out with a damn angel.” Dean did make a point, but you never left anywhere without it. You hesitate, but took off the gun and hostler, handing them over to Dean. Dean motions for you follow him, leading you to the bunker library.  
“Sam!” He yelled out, a second later the younger Winchester comes in, glancing over at you. He smiles at you, telling you how you look nice. “Where's Cas?' Dean asked his brother, Sam chuckled nodding behind him. “He's coming” You stared at the library doorway, waiting for the angel to come in. You started feeling nervous again.  
“Jesus, I feel like Freddie Prinze Jr. in She's All That” you mutter, Dean laughs and Sam just looks confused.  
“Wait, so that makes Cas, Laney?” Dean ask, immediately regretting the words that slipped out of his mouth. Your eyes widen, mouth hanging open.  
“Chick flicks” is all you say, Dean groans rolling his eyes, but before he can defend himself, Castiel walks in. You let out a quiet sharp gasp. He stood there, no trench coat. Just black fitted jeans, black boots, a long sleeved dark blue sweater and the collar of a light blue dress shirt, folded over the neck of the sweater. He was beautiful, handsome. His blue eyes met yours, then traveled down your body. He smiled walking towards you.  
“You look beautiful, are you ready?” He ask, you clutched the green jacket in your hand. He nods to Sam and Dean before taking your hand in his. His palm feels warm and comforting.  
“Hey, have her back by 9” Dean teased, you shoot him a look that causes Sam to laugh. The two of you walked out the library, the angel turns to you. His hand cups the side of your face, his blue eyes gaze into yours. He moves closer until there is hardly any space between the two of you. You bring your free hand around his neck and pull him forward, because you can't wait any longer. Lips colliding, the kiss is short but sweet. Castiel pulls back, blushing a little. His hand runs through you hair before he takes your hand. “Are you ready?” He ask. You never been more ready. 

 

The two of you appeared in front of a Mongolian Grill restaurant, you felt slightly dazed from the quick transition, but it doesn't bother you much. You remember to thank Dean, because Mongolian food was one of your favorites. Castiel opens the door for you, walking in you are greeted by a waitress. She shows you all the food they had and what plates to use. Castiel looks around confused.  
“You make your own plate up and they cook it on there” You explain, pointing to the large round grill. Castiel nods, handing you a plate and taking one for himself. “Are you sure? You don't have to eat” you say, but the angel protests. “We are on a date, I can eat” He smiled at you and thee two of you proceed to fill your plates up. You went with a combo of beef, tomatoes, broccoli and too much tofu. Castiel followed suit, minus the tofu. After picking out what sauces and explaining to the angel how hot each one was, the two of you set down your plates on the window of the grill. Castiel studied the way the two chefs were cooking the food, looking fully interested, you couldn't help wrap your arm around his waist. He slid his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his side. You felt him kiss you softy on the top of you head and everything was great. Everything was perfect.  
After the food was done cooking, the two of you sit in a booth tucked into the corned of the room. You ordered water and two cokes. Blowing on your food, you take a bit of beef. It was delicious, you groaned a little. Castiel laughed softly, making you blush.  
“It's really good. Try it” You motion to the angel's plate, he pushed the food around with his fork, lifting it up to his mouth. He hesitates for a second , but puts the beef and noodles in his mouth. You laugh, you hand shoots up to your mouth. His face was priceless, he chewed fast. He swallowed the food and took a sip of water.  
“That good huh?” You tease, his nose scrunches up, teeth showing and wrinkles appear around his eyes. His laugh echos in your heart. “Very” he jokes back.  
“Well thanks for trying it, but no more. You can just watch me it” He nods at your request. You eta your food, while he asks you various questions about your life. How your childhood was, your favorite movie, what you were doing before you hooked up with the Winchesters. He listens contently as you answer each question, smiles when you talk about your father and reaches for your hand when you talk about your mom. When your done eating, the waitress brings the bill. You reach for your bag, but Castiel is already standing up , excusing himself to go settle the bill. Watching him walk away, the nape of his neck sends electric waves down to your toes. You look down and blush. He comes back and takes your hand. You thank the hostess. Walking out, the fresh air is cold, so you slip on your green jacket.  
“That was really good. But where are we?” You take in the surrounding area, trying to figure out where the two of you were. “About an hour away from the bunker. Come, we don't want to miss the band.”

The angel and you walk hand in hand , two blocks from the restaurant there was a small park. On the far right corner of the park, there was a small stage, people were spread all around the stage, sitting on blankets on the grass. The two of you walk through the park, reaching stage area, the two of you hang back behind the crowd of people. There is a four piece band playing a cover of a Beatles song.  
“This is amazing” You squeeze the angel's hand, he smiles down at you, glad you were enjoying yourself. Swaying your head to the music, you feel hands slip around your waist. It was a bond move for the angel, but once he felt your body relax against his chest, he knew it was the right one to make. He bend forward a little, resting his chin on your shoulders. The two of sway to the music, until the last notes of the song were finished. The singer thanks the crowd and says that there has been a request for them to play a song. “And since I love the song, we decided to go ahead and play it for you all tonight. Enjoy” He smiles then nods to the drummer. In an instant, you know the first beats of the song. You freeze, the guitar strums those familiar chords and you whip around to face the angel.  
“Castiel?” your voice comes out stunned, glancing back at the band.  


_First the mic then a half cigarette. Singing 'Cathy's Clown'. That's the man she's married to now._  
_That's the girl that he takes around town.._  


 The angel nods at you, a small smile on his face. You want to cry, because how did he know. Dean. That damn green eyed man, he was so getting a homemade pie.  
“Dance with me” Castiel wraps his arms around your waist and there was no way you would dream of objecting. Slipping your hands around his neck, the two of you slow dance to the song. Resting your head against his chest, you sing softly.  
_I'm never gonna know you now. But I'm gonna love you anyhow.._  
Closing your eyes, the warmth of Castiel's chest lulls you into a trance. You sway to the music, but don't know how you're doing it. You feel like your floating on nothingness, gliding above the grass. And then you hear it, Castiel's voice softly singing to the song. 

_In the place where I make no mistakes. In the place where I have what it takes. I'm never gonna know you now. But I'm gonna love you anyhow.._  


You don't look up at the angel, because you don't want him to stop singing, so you kept your eyes closed. Your bodies moved together, moving along to the music. And when the song finishes, there is no parting. Standing in the arms of the angel, you want to hold on forever. You don't want to open your eyes, you never want to leave this spot. And if this was the last moment of your existence, well that would be just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the next chapter will have more of the date. Hope you enjoyed the story so far.  
> I also hope you guys like the way Cas and the Reader's relationship is going.
> 
>  
> 
> Chapter Title: Lyrics from Waltz #2 by Elliot Smith
> 
> comments/kudos/suggestions/anything and all are appreciated!
> 
> also can find me @ http://castielohcastiel.tumblr.com/


	24. Meet Me At The Corner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date Night with the Angel. Part 2

You stood entwined with the angel for what seemed like hours, before he pulled away. Your cheek was red from pressing to much against his chest. Castiel moves his hand through your hair and lightly kisses your forehead. He tells you there is one more stop before the night is over. You look around, making sure no one is watching, nodding to the angel. His hand engulfs yours and the two of you are gone. Opening your eyes, the night stars are mirrored in the lake that is set before you. Nothing but trees surround the lake, but you see a little dock up ahead.  
“This is beautiful Castiel. Where are we?” Taking in the scenery, you move away from the angel and walk towards the lake. “Just a few miles from the bunker actually” You look over your shoulders surprised, you tell the angel that one day the two of you and the boys should come, make a day of it. He agrees, as he catches up to you, slipping his hand in yours.  
“Let's go to the dock” you agree with the angel's idea, letting him lead the way. The dock is small, but sturdy. Walking to the end, you sit down on the edge, patting the spot next to you. The angel takes a sit next to you, a cool breeze makes you close your eyes. And a memory slips into your mind, a lake just like this. 

_You were sitting on a dock with another woman, her brown hair was in a braid and she was laughing. “Oh Josephine, you're so crude” Her voice tries to be stern, but comes out with a soft laugh. “Well, I can not help it. Her bottom was so big, I thought she'd crush me to death” The two of you laugh. “Where's Castiel?” The girl ask. You smile at the sound of his name. “He'll be here soon.” The girl nudges you teasingly, but then loops her arm around yours. “Come sister, let's go get the dinner ready.”_ You breathing sharpens, a hand is on your shoulder. Opening your eyes, a tear falls down your face. “Y/N. Are you okay?” Castiel's voice brings you back down, off the high of the memory. Wiping your tear away, you nod.  
“I'm sorry, but being here triggered a memory” Castiel nods, bringing you against his chest, it comforts you. “Does this happen often?” He ask, you pull away and stare out into the lake. The water was still, soft sounds rang around you. “Sometimes. Oh man..” You lose your words, picturing the girl, your sister from your life as Josephine. It was a strange feeling, because although that was a different life, one you hardly remember. Those feelings still resides in you, seeing the memories of your sister, you felt her. Longed for her. Even missed her.  
“Castiel, we only have one soul, right?” Your question catches the angel off guard, but he nods.  
“Only one. Why do you ask?” His answer just confuses you more. Pulling your jacket tighter around you, you looked into those deep blue eyes, but quickly look back to the lake. It was hard for you to talk about this, wishing for your journal, it would be easier to write these things down.  
“The memory that I just had, was of my sister, well my sister back then” You correct yourself, but the words felt all wrong. She was your sister, at least at one point. Castiel stays quiet, concealing a smile. He thinks of your sister, he always enjoyed her company. She was kind, smart and was very supportive of the relationship between the angel and her sister. He especially found her entertaining when she was trying to be stern, but could never get it right, always ending up laughing at whatever nonsense was put upon her.  
“Tell me, why do I miss her? I have this longing feeling and I don't even remember her damn name” Shaking your head, fist clutched to your side. It was like the angel could feel your emotions, because he takes your fist and unclenched your fingers, holding them gently in his hand.  
“It's okay to feel that way. Souls are sensitive, but strong. The bond you had with your sister then, it was so strong. Souls tend to hold on to certain bonds throughout different lifetimes. That's why you miss her and long for her.” The angel's explanation is heavenly, giving you a sense of relief, but a sadness engulfs you. You shut your eyes once more, hoping to trigger another memory. Nothing. 

 

“Cecelia was her name, but you called her Cece” The nickname coming out of the angel's mouth, rings in your head. That was her name. Flashes of a lifetime of memories falls on you, but one is stronger then the rest. _Running in the woods. You chased after a small figure with a long brown braid running down her back. “You will never catch me, JO!” Her little giggle makes you run faster. “Come back here, you little runt!” You nearly catch up to her, but she speeds up. Then she suddenly trips over a tree root, sending her flying to the ground. Tears instantly in her eyes, you rush to her. “Oh, shh, it's okay CeCe. I'm here” You comfort your little sister, pulling her tightly against your chest. Brushing loose strands of hair away from her face. “Come, I'll give you a ride back home, you're the princess after all!” Cecelia's crying subsides,as you pull her on your back. The little girl is light as she wraps her arms around your neck. “Will you protect me forever, Jo?” You start the trek back to the house, smiling at your little sister's words. “Always Cece”._  
Letting out a hushed breath, you can't stop the smile that appears on your face. A tear falls straight down your cheek, you don't wipe it away, you want to feel it dry against your skin.  
“She was my little sister, I loved her so much” Castiel catches a twinkle in your eye and it was the most beautiful sight. You apologize for the tears, but thank him for bringing you here. “I want to come back. This brings her to me” The words slip out, lovely and full of sadness, Castiel can't stop himself from pulling you into him. You rest your head on his shoulder, as he rubs your back soothingly.  
“Will you help me?” You ask, the angel looks at you, waiting for more. “Help me remember more. Not all at once. I know Gabe warned it would take time, but if I have questions, will you answer them?” The lake looks so inviting, it was probably too cold, but you wanted nothing more then to jump into it. Let it suck you in, so you could close your eyes and let all the memories race back in. You wanted to feel whole again and with the angel, it seemed like it might just happen. You pull away and stand up, your feet at the edge of the dock. Castiel looks up at you, his eyes were more radiant in the moon light,you slip off your jacket, tossing it behind you. Kicking off your flats, you let out a breath.  
“Of course I will” Castiel finally says, watching you closely. A smile as wide as the lake appears on your face. You take a few steps backwards, the angel's eyes widen, realizing what you were about to do. “You're my little bird, Castiel. You are.” You say as you run towards the edge of the dock and jump, a sweet scream fills the whole lake, as your body is engulfed in coldness. But it feels good, hitting the surface you let out a scream. A release. You wanted things to be different, you wanted to be happy. This was the start of it. A splash lands next to you, water hits your eyes. And there he was, the angel next to you. His hair wet and slicked back. You laugh swimming to him.  
“You can swim?” You ask, floating next to him. “I guess so” he was just surprised as you, but then admits that it's really not that hard. You feel his hands under water reach for your waist, pulling you to him. Your body against his, you move you legs around his waist. He wraps his arms around your back, as you slide your hands around his neck. His face stands inches from yours, the two of you wet but happy. His lips are moist, you touch with your fingers, bringing a soft groan from him. You lean in, wanting to feel his mouth against yours. But a serious expression appears on his face, “Wait” He pulls back a little, but holds you tighter. You tilt your head sideways, waiting for an answer.  
“There are things you have to know. That you will remember. And I promise to help you.” You feel your eyebrows scrunch, but nod for him to go on. “ There was a reason why I had your memories erased, selfish reasons. I'm sorry.” The water moved around the two of you. “It was too painful for me. But I will tell you everything.” You can clearly see the pain in Castiel's eyes, acknowledging that this whole situation was probably more painful for the angel then you. Sure you had felt betrayed and had your memories erased. But you think to yourself, Castiel had it just as bad. He had to live all these years knowing what happened. He had to watch you come back into his life and have all those feelings come up. The two of you suffered. It was time to be happy. 

“Castiel, it's okay. When it's time, the memory will come back and we will deal with it” You reassure the angel, running you hand through his wet hair. “I promise, I won't run away this time” Castiel looks at you, studying your face. His face relaxes and nods.  
“Let's be happy” You say, tightening your legs around his waist. He smirks, slowly making his way back to the shore. Hand in hand, the two of you drudge out of the water, the cold breeze makes you shiver. You run to the dock, grabbing your jacket, flats and Castiel's shoes. Laughing at the soaked angel as you approach him. “Let's get you back to the bunker” He says taking his shoes from you. Before you leave, you look back at the dock. You'll be back. Throwing your jacket on, you reach for the angel's hand. When he grabs it, you pull with all your might, bringing him closer to you. He chuckles, dropping his shoes, so he could cup your face with his hands. The kiss is one for the books, the lake sleeping in the background, soft sounds coming from the trees. The angel's lips move against yours, you let him in. Your bodies soak into one another, finally pulling your lips off his, because you were human and breathing was important. The two of you laugh softly, holding hands, then the two of you disappear away from the lake. 

 

“What the hell..” Dean stopped dead in his tracks, beer in hand. He looked up at the bunker door, Castiel and you were standing, hand in hand, soaked down to the bone, at the top of the stairs.  
“You're gonna catch a damn cold Y/N!” He yelled at you, rushing away towards the living room. You stare wide eyed at Castiel, both of you burst into laughter.  
“He's not happy” you say, motioning for Castiel to follow, but he gently grabs your wrist.  
“I have to go, heaven's calling.” His eyes are displeased, but you smile at him. You tell him it was okay, Dean was probably going to rip him a new one if he stayed anyway. “A new what?” The angel's eyes squint, you laugh, saying it was nothing. He opens the bunker door to leave, but you stop him, “Tonight was great. Thank you.” You lean in and kiss him lightly on the lips, “ Also, we are going on a hunt tomorrow, so we won't be around” The angel nods before kissing you on the forehead. “Be careful. Call if you need any help. If you do not need any assistance. Call still” He smiles before closing the door behind him. Smiling to yourself, you make your way down the stairs. Dean reappears with a blanket.  
“Why are you wet? This was not part of the plan” He muttered, throwing the blanket at you.  
“It's a long story. But it was fun.” Wrapping the blanket around you, you start towards your room. But remember something and turn to face the older Winchester.  
“Thanks by the way, for telling Castiel about my favorite song. He had a band play if for me” You beamed, but Dean looks confused.  
“What? I didn't tell him anything about a song” Your mouth opened then closed.  
“Never mind. Goodnight Dean” You turn around and walk to your room, a smile permanently across your face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was probably one of my favorite chapters to write. I really wanted to show the parallel between the relationship of the reader and her sister to Dean and Sam. Even if it was a small little part of the chapter.I think that's why the reader and Dean get along so well, even though she didn't know about the sister she had in her past life. Idk, I'm probably being crazy. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> Comments/kudos/thoughts/suggestions wanted and welcomed!
> 
> thanks guys!
> 
> Also Chapter Tile Song is Meet Me At The Corner by Red Hot Chili Peppers.


	25. Road to Home

Staring into the void of the ugly motel wall paper, you hear Sam talking, but his words go in one ear and out the other. You were too busy thinking of last night, the lake, Cece, and the amazing kiss with Castiel. A warm flush runs all over your body, just thinking of the angel. Your palms feel sweaty as you look down to your lap, grinning to yourself. Reaching for your cell, you send a text to Castiel's phone, a simple, How is your day going? “She's not listening” Dean's voice brings your eyes straight to his. You scratch the back of your neck, apologizing and asking Sam to repeat what he said. “It's definitely a vengeful ghost, Malcolm Warner, he use to own the house” Sam turned his laptop towards you, leaning forward, getting a look at the man. The three of you make a plan, having already talked to the family that now resided in the home, you would hang out at the house, while the boys went to salt and burn the body.

 

Grabbing your duffle bag, you pat the top of the Baby, “You sure you don't want to call Cas?” Sam questions, leaning forward against Dean, you bend down to face the driver's window. You shake your head no, Dean looks at his brother annoyed, “She's got this man, lay off”. Sam holds his hands up in defeat and leans back into his seat. Dean winks at you and drives off. You watch the car until it's just a small spot in the distance, before heading to knock on the door of the house. The family living in the house was a single dad and his son. He opened the door, looking nervous, like he hasn't slept in days. He lets you in and shows you around. Letting you know where the most activity has been, the kid's play room. You tell him everything will be fine, the boys were taking care of it. You were there to make sure nothing happens while they did the job. Twenty minutes passed, everything was quiet in the house. You walked around with the EMF meter, picking frequencies mostly in the kid's room. You stood in the center of the room, toys were scattered among the room, you smile picking up a stuff teddy bear, placing onto one of the beds. Your phone buzzed in your pocket, pulling it out, you see Castiel's name come across the screen. 

“Castiel” You practically sang his name into the phone.  
“Y/N, my day has been long and tedious” His deep voice sends chills down your spine, laughing you explain to him that he could have just texted back.  
“I wanted to hear your voice. How is the hunt going?” Smiling, you explain the case and your current situation. He ask if you would like for him to join you and you can't resist. You wanted to see the angel, wanted to be near him. You give him the address of the home and he promises to get there as soon as he was done with some heaven business. Hanging up, you quickly text Sam, asking how it was going with the body. He quickly replies back, “Almost done. Be there in soon”. Tucking your cell into your back pocket, you relaxed a little, knowing it was going to be a easy salt and burn case. But your smile was quickly wiped away, when you hear a scream from downstairs and a flicker of the lights. Racing out the room and down the stairs, rushing into the living room. The man and his son were being stalked into a corner by Malcolm Warner, his figure looming towards them. You quickly grab the tire iron from your bag and swing at the ghost. He disappears.“It's going to be okay!” you yell, pushing the tire iron into the mans hand, then quickly rummaging through your bag, taking the bag of salt. “Make a circle, stay in it” handing the bag to the man, he quickly does what he's told. Grabbing your shot gun, loading rock salt shells into it, then cocking the gun, you step into the circle.   
“Dad, I'm scared” The little boy whined, tears in his eyes, kneeling down you put a hand on his shoulder. His brown locks in his eyes, you push them to the side. “It's going to be okay. I'll protect you” your voice is soft and nurturing, exactly what the boy needs. He nods, his eyes widen, looking past you. The ghost is staring right at you, lifting your shotgun, you pull the trigger. The kid screams, but the ghost vanishes once more. Suddenly, the window across the room, burst, sending shattered glass straight towards you and the family. Your instinct makes turn, throwing your body over the little boy. You feel glass hit your back, looking down, the salt line has been compromised. “We need to fix the circle!” You yell, the man quickly takes the bag of salt, reforming the circle. Standing up, you pull the boy behind your back, you feel his hand holding onto your jacket. Your cell rings, quickly answering it, “Dean, tell me you guys are almost done. Malcolm is not happy” Dean hears the urgency in your voice, “We burnt the bones, shit. Hold on, we're on our way” You curse under your breath, hanging the phone up and lifting your shotgun. Waiting for the ghost to come back, looking over your shoulder to the Dad, “Was there anything left behind from the old owner?” The man's eyes lit up instantly, he eyed the grandfather clock tucked into the corner of the room. “You got to be kidding me” you muttered. Thinking quickly, you hand the shotgun to the man, asked if he knew how to shoot, he said yes. “Have my back, but stay in the circle” You look down at the little boy, “You have to let go of me buddy, otherwise how can I beat the bad guy?” smiling at him, he lets go. You run to your duffel bag, pulling out the gas can and the match box. The grandfather clock was taller then you and probably outweighed you, but you used all your might, tipping the damn thing over. Huffing, you quickly pour the gas all over the the clock, but before you could light the match, you're throw on your back. A shotgun goes off, you look just in time to see Malcolm disappear. Jumping up to your feet, you light the match and throw it on the clock. Flames instantly arise, the ghost appears, throwing you again, harder this time. You land on a large sharp glass that cuts through your clothes. You groan loudly in pain. Your eyes reach over to the flames , quickly burning the clock away. A shrew yell is heard from the ghost, who appears at the door, watching him burst and finally vanish. Your back is bleeding, feeling your shirt soak getting soak, you don't want to move. The fire dies down, but you could feel the heat on your body. “Dad! Is she okay!” You hear the little boy's voice ringing in your ear, smiling you wave your hand in the air. “I'm okay. It's going to be fine. The bad guy is gone for good” you make your voice sound painless. Closing your eyes, you hope the boys would be here soon. 

  
“Y/N!” A voice roars through the door, Dean appeared first, scanning the entire scene, looking for you. He sees you laying on the ground, Sam rushes in, eyes widen at the sight. He motions for Dean to go to the boy and his dad. Sam rushes over to you, kneeling down to you. He pushes the hair out of your eyes, “Where are you hurt?” he starts examining your body, but you grab his wrist to stop. “Sam, my back, it's cut deep. The glass” Sam slowly pulled you onto your side, he let out a sharp breath. A large piece of glass was stuck in your back. “Dean, we need to get her to the hospital, NOW” Sam's voice full of alarm, Dean rushes to his side. He curses under his breath as he sees the damage, his green eyes smile at you, telling you it's not that bad. “You should work on your lying” You laugh, but wince at the pain. “Get the kid outta here” you demand. You hear shuffling and steps towards the front door. “Cas!” Dean's voice is surprised.  
“Y/N asked me to come join her, I just finished up with some heaven business. Where is she?” Castiel's voice fills your heart and the pain becomes unnoticeable. You hear murmurs and the angel rushes into the room. Immediately sees you lying down on the ground, he nods for Sam to move, the Winchester stands up and watches. Castiel gives you a weak smile, caressing your cheek. “Don't worry, I'll heal you” you feel this wave of grace come over your entire body, the pain was gone, you felt a little weak, but now unharmed. The angel holds his hand out, you take it and let him pull you up. Stumbling a little, he quickly grabs hold of your waist. “I'm sorry I did not come sooner.” Shaking your head , you lean into his chest. Sam shifted next to you, touching your shoulder then walking out the room. “It's okay. You're here now” you nuzzle against his chest, inhaling his scent. The angel kisses you lightly on the forehead, tells you to wait outside, while he makes sure the fire goes out completely. Not wanting to even spend a minute more in the house, you gather the shotgun, tire iron, throwing them into the duffel and head outside. Sam and Dean are waiting on the porch, talking to the man and little boy. Sam grabs the bag from you, asking if you were okay. You shrug nonchalantly, getting a smirk out of Dean. The man thanks you, not questioning how you were completely fine, after he just witnessed you on the ground, in complete pain. And you are nothing but grateful for that.  
“Do you have to go?” A tugging on your jacket, prompts you to look down. The little boy stands there, a pout on his mouth. He was tugging at your heart strings, kneeling down, a sense of familiarity comes over you. Putting your hand on his shoulder and with the other, tucking his hair behind his ear, you tell him you have to go. “I can't leave these two knuckleheads alone, they can't fight all the monsters without me” Sam lets out a soft laugh, “Okay, but maybe you can come visit?” The boy's eyes filled with hope and there was no way could let him down. “I absolutely will. Promise. I'll give your dad my number and you can call whenever you like. Yeah?” The boy's mouth widens, nodding ferociously. And then he does the unexpected, throwing his small arms around your neck so desperately, it nearly knocks you on your bottom. Then suddenly, a memory slips within. 

_You were inside the cabin,at the table, reading a book. The words had you trapped, reading quickly, turning the pages one after another. The fireplace was blazing, keeping the cabin warm and toasty. Finishing your chapter, a smile on your face as you closed the book shut. Getting up to look out the window, smiling as a figure appears walking towards the cabin. Castiel walked slowly, black wool coat on, carrying a few logs of wood in his hand. He keeps glancing back as he grew closer to the cabin. You rush to the door, opening it and stepping out into the fresh cool air. Castiel's face brighten as he sees you at the gate, smiling at the angel, you look past him. Sensing your anxiousness, Castiel smirks, stepping aside. A sense of relief falls upon you, as you graze upon a small figure. Brown locks, wide blue eyes and pouty lips, you wave in the air. The little boy sees you, “Mama!” kneeling down, you extend your arms out, he rushes to you. Castiel is beaming, as he walks several paces behind the little boy. Your arms are suddenly full of the little figure, gathering him up, you manage to stand up. “Elijah, did you help Papa with the wood?” You voice rings out softly, Elijah nods, placing a kiss on your cheek. Hugging him, you peer over his shoulder. Castiel stands there, admiration in his eyes, he comes closer, placing a kiss on the boy, then one on you. The three of you walk into the cabin, Castiel closes the door behind him._

 

You feel breathless, heart pounding so fast, you hug the little boy tighter. Dean clears his throat, bringing you back. Releasing the boy, you smile and stand up. You feel dizzy, Sam notices and lightly grabs your arm. “Y/N, you okay?” You nod yes, although everything in your body and mind screamed no. The angel and you had a son. A son? Elijah. A million emotions flow through you, sadness being the most prominent. Dean quickly tells the man that if anything else happens to call, giving him a card that contain all the different numbers to get in contact with each of you. Starting down the stairs, you float to the Impala, almost forgetting Castiel was still in the house. But then you hear his voice call your name and it weakens you. Tears immediately run down your face, alarming the Winchesters. You turn as the angel strides towards you, he sees the tears and hastily makes his way to you. Wrapping your arms around his waist, you sob. Incoherently trying to speak, trying to explain the memory you just had, nothing but sobbing words come out. Sam and Dean edge closer to the two of you, as Castiel pulls you away from his. His hands lightly on your shoulders, peering towards you, “Everything will be fine, what's wrong?” Staring into those wide blue eyes, it nearly breaks your heart. The thought that the angel had to spend years forgetting about you, was one thing. But now you knew the reason why he erased your memories. He didn't want you to remember, didn't want you to hurt, like he did, like he does. Like you do now. Uncontrollable tears flow down your face, it didn't matter if you were a different person back then. You only had one soul and it remembers. It feels the pain. You throw your arms around the angel's neck, “Oh, Castiel. I'm so sorry. I remember..” Trying to subside your crying you pause, exhaling slowly, “I remember our sweet Elijah” the boy's name comes out in a hushed sob, burying your face into the angel's neck, you feel his body stiffen. But as quickly as it stiffen, it was quicker to soften, embracing you tightly against him. The angel runs his hand through your hair, knowing any words he said, it would not ease your pain. He knew because, no words would ever ease the pain he felt. Never ease the longing to see his son again, to hear the two of you laughing as he walked into the cabin. To gaze upon his sweet face, and see you in him. Castiel held you tighter, hoping to give you any sense of comfort. The brother's are taken aback, not realizing what was going on. Dean looks at his brother, “Whose Elijah?” whispering softly, but he forgets the angel has superb hearing. Castiel looks up at his two friends, his blue eyes are filled with tears, waiting to grace his face. Dean freezes, trying to remember if he has ever seen the angel cry, he hasn't and the sight nearly makes the older Winchester break down. Something was going on, something was hurting the two of you and it pained both of the brothers to witness it. Castiel finally spoke words both brothers never expected to hear, “Elijah was our son.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys! So not sure if any of you saw that coming, but there were hints and foreshadowing in previous chapters. 
> 
> Chapter 5 - "The angel looks at the photo, sees the same brown eyes and dark hair, the way you smiled, it reminded him of.. Castiel stops any further thought, placing the frame down and turning to you."
> 
> \- "You see Castiel standing in a clearing, green grass all around him, you see tall trees in the distance. He's not wearing his trench coat, but a long black wool coat. He smiles at you, one that melts you away. You walk towards him. He embraces you, kisses you on the forehead. He's saying something, but this vision, is mute. Like a silent movie. He looks so happy as you watch him bend down, arms spread out. You turn to see what he's smiling at, but it all fades away. It vanishes."
> 
> Chapter 7 -" You watch two little kids playing together, a little girl and boy. But it's the boy who peaks your interest. He had short brown hair and a cute little smile."  
> -"“It's weird, but see that little boy” You nod towards the boy, Castiel looks and you see something in his facial expression, but can't decide if it's pain or longing.  
> “Yes” the angel replies.“He reminds me of someone, but I don't know who. I think something's wrong with me” 
> 
> Chapter 9 - " You notice then, he's carrying something, that draws his attention from you. You walk around the kitchen table towards Castiel, who is leaned forward. You put your hand on his shoulder, he looks up at you. His smile is brilliant, you lean in to peer over his shoulder.." 
> 
> I think that was it, unless I'm forgetting.
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter, because I loved writing it.
> 
> As always, comments/kudos/suggestions/etc are welcomed!
> 
> Chapter Title : Road to Home by Girl in a Coma


	26. You Never Can Tell

The air was cold, crispy as you ran. Hair was in your face, as you sped off, up the trail Sam and you ran every morning. You were alone this morning, still slightly drunk from last night. Sam and Dean were still in bed, when you slipped out and Castiel had woken you before he left, kissing you goodbye and telling you he'd be back later. Running between trees, you felt high. The whiskey came out in sweats as you exerted your body further. Wanting to feel the aching of your joints, wanting your lungs to work overtime, you push yourself. Faster down the trail until you hit the clearing. Chest heaving in and out, you collapse on the grass. Laying flat on your back, you look up at the sky. Watching through the trees, the sun slowly rises as moments wash over you of last night's events. 

On the way home from the case, Castiel sat in the back of the Impala with you. Cradling you in his lap, as you softly sobbed. Dean turned up the volume of the radio, conflicted on whether he did it so you'd have your privacy or so he couldn't hear your pain. Sam forced himself to look out the window and not turn around to see you, to help comfort you. Fortunately, the ride home was merely a short 20 minute journey, but in those minutes, exhausted from the hunt and the tears, you had fallen asleep on the angel. Castiel carried you down the bunker's stairs, listening to Dean's suggestion and gently laying you on the couch. “When she wakes, we are going to need a lot of alcohol” Dean looks down at your figure, looking even distraught in your sleep, he turns to Castiel. “So that was the reason you didn't want to tell her in the first place” The angel nods at Dean's suggestion. Dean calls for his brother and tells the angel they'd be back, they were going to run out for food and drinks. You wake 15 minutes after the brothers leave, the angel was seated across from you on a chair, looking as emotionally damaged as you felt. Sitting up right, you ask him to move next to you. Feeling his body slip next to his, you lean your head against him. “I'm so sorry Castiel” moving to face him, you touch his face. His blue eyes take on a new sad you hadn't notice before, it breaks you apart inside. “I'm sorry I made all this come up again” The angel squints, shaking his head slowly in disagreement. “No” The deepness of his voice surrounds your whole world, it's magical and brings you comfort that you never knew could be achieved. The angel brings you into his arms, making sure your eyes meet his.  
“I should have told you everything from the beginning. The moment I saw you, sitting there on the couch, there was nothing more I wanted” Castiel smiles at you, sliding his hand around your neck, gently rubbing his thumb against your skin, causing your body to react. “I wanted to take you away, tell you everything, restore your memories and start over.” His words ring true in your soul and you want them too. You want to be taken away from everything and just hide out, stay with the angel. You would die eventually, but you'd be reincarnated once more. He'd find you again, restore your memories and the two of you could be together again. A lifetime of lifetimes. He'd find you. He would always find you. “We can have that, let's be happy” you cried out, moving quickly and pressing your lips against his. Castiel falters for a moment, but takes your kiss in stride, bringing you closer to him. You move onto his lap, knees on each side of him. He kisses you deeply, as you slide your arms around his neck. Opening your mouth, letting in the angel in. Feeling a warmth of arousal flow throughout your body, you gently pull away. Blue eyes smile at you knowingly. He knew tonight couldn't be the night, it would have to wait. The angel doesn't mind, he'd wait forever for you, besides he was content to just have you in his arms. Castiel kisses you softly on the chin, as he pulls you down into his embrace. He whispers softly in your ear, “We can be happy. Let's be happy.” Sighing contently in the angel's arms, you try hard to not think of the little boy, with the brown locks and big blue eyes, fully aware that you would never be able to forget him. Elijah was apart of you now and deep down, in the places you hardly shined a light on, it felt just fine. 

 

20 minutes later, the Winchesters came home, bring Chinese food and plenty of alcohol. Going into the kitchen for plates and forks, Dean walks in right behind you, asking if you were okay now. “I mean, given the circumstances, I'll be fine.” Grabbing a few glasses for the whiskey Dean brought from the store, holding them up to show the older Winchester, “Especially, after some whiskey” Dean chuckles, throwing his arm around you, leading out to the main room. The four of you gather around the table in the main room, passing around the containers of Chinese food, even Castiel takes a plate of food. “Thanks guys, it's really good” stuffing chow mein in your mouth, holding up a thumbs up for emphasize. Sam chuckles, taking a sip of his beer. Castiel takes a bite of chicken, admitting it didn't taste half bad. You laugh at your little bird, who sat next to you, wondering if he was okay. Hoping he was fine, Castiel met your stare, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. Reaching under the table, you hold his hand, he squeezes it in response.   
After everyone was full, Dean passed out the glasses of whiskey, raising his glass, “Alright guys. To the shitty times, to the good times. We are family, through thick and thin”. The sound of glasses clicking together, echoes throughout the room. Beaming at the three men, you stand up and suggest some music, because you had no plans for sleep anytime soon. You head to your room, to retrieve your iPod and dock. Coming back, Dean is pouring himself another glass of whiskey, while Sam sips on his beer, laughing at Castiel, who picks at the leftovers on his plate. You make a mental note that the angel likes teriyaki chicken. Plugging in the dock and connecting the Ipod, you press shuffle. A Smokey Robinson song comes on, Sam and Dean immediately look up at you. You were swaying to the music, laughing at their reactions. “What, don't tell me you don't like Smokey!” Shaking your head in disapproval.

“You gotta pay some agony, for the ecstasy..” You sing to the brothers, Sam looks down at his lap, trying to strife a laugh. Dean cracks a smile.  
“Fine, fine” you wink at Castiel, who looks pleasantly relax in his seat at the table. Pressing the Next button, walking back to the table to drink the rest of your whiskey. A man's voice booms from the iPod dock. “Ladies & Gentlemen, Now the moment you've all been waiting for, The World Famous Jack Rabbit Slims' Twist Contest!” Castiel looks up at you, as your eyes widen. “Pulp Fiction?” Dean mutters under his breath. Setting your glass down, you move to the spacious area, off to the side of the table. You kick off your shoes, “Whose going to be my Vincent Vega?”, hands on your hips, the three men look bewildered. Sam holds his hands up, shaking his head no. Looking over at the angel, he states he doesn't understand what that means. Laughing, you finally lay your eyes on Dean, who smirks, chugging the rest of his drink and turning to Castiel, “Don't get jealous, Cas.” He winks at the angel, before standing up and walking towards you. The green eyed man cocks his eyebrow at you, as he starts doing the twist, laughing at first but then the two of you become serious. You've seen the movie dozen of times, you knew the dance by heart. Twisting your lower half, your wrist were bent, as you moved them to the music. Dean smiled at you, as you danced closer to him, but then you danced away from him. Only to come back, moving your chest side to side towards him. You hear Sam and Castiel laughing in the background, but you don't break character. The whiskey was giving you liquid courage. Needing to have this moment, this small brightness in a sea of a bad day. Plus,your favorite part of the dance was coming up, as you moved your arms like you were swimming, plugging your nose and shimming down to the ground. Dean improvises,a serious look on his face, making up his own moves. But he knows what move comes next, because as you come back up, he's making Peace signs on both hands, moving them in front of his face. Sam is roaring with laughter, as you look Dean straight in the eyes, your fingers spread, palms facing the older Winchester, as you move them in front of your face. You glance over at Castiel, his face is filled with amusement, as you continue to dance. Closing your eyes, moving your hips, until the song is over. 

 

'Night Moves' comes on next , “Thanks for being my Vincent Vega, Dean” he laughs as you bow to him, he grabs your hand and pulls you into a slow dance stance. “Anytime Mrs. Wallace”. Looking at your friend, his eyes glow soft green, this righteous man, you know he'll always be there for you. Whether it was having your back on a hunt or to dance a silly dance with you. “I think it's my turn” Castiel appears next to Dean, who nods, squeezing your hand, before letting go. Watching Dean grab the bottle of whiskey and a glass, he nods to Sam, whose by the iPod. He changes the song. The familiar beat of drums comes to play, it was your song. You didn't deserve the Winchesters, you really didn't. Mouthing a “Thank you” to the younger Winchester, who just smiles and leaves the room. Facing the angel, two blue oceans engulf you into an intense stare. Slipping your hand around his neck, the angel wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you closer. With his free hand, he touches the side of your face. “You've always loved to dance” his hand moves through your hair. Cocking your head side ways, as he massages your neck, you think of everything that's happened since you met Castiel. Since the first time he walked out the kitchen and saw you. It's been a short time, but this was the man who knew you for decades. He knew your soul, truly knew it And Elijah, the son you had with the angel, it only intensified the way you felt about the angel. Although in the beginning, deep inside you tried to fight it all, especially when Gabriel gave you back your memories. Tried to separate those feelings from the past, from who you were now. But now, it never seemed more clear. Your soul was just one and maybe you had lived many lives, even before Castiel. You knew why memories of those lives just faded from your soul, why you couldn't remember any of it. Those lives were missing one thing. The angel. You could have lived a thousand lives before you met him, but once you did, that was it. He was carved into your memories, into your soul. He was everything. Everything you wanted.  
The two of you danced to the music, not saying a word, just taking each others presences in. The song murmurs in the background, because all you can hear is your heart beating fast. You didn't want to waste anymore time, Castiel said that the two of you could be happy. You wanted to be happy. Pulling away from the angel, glancing up at him, he stops moving. His eyes search your face for any clues. Inhaling, then exhaling, the words you've been wanting to say, are set free, “Castiel, I love you”. 

 

Smiling to yourself, wiping sweat beads from your forehead. The world looked different, more pure. After you had told the angel you love him last night, a wave of relief ran through his face. He held you close, telling you he loved you, that he never stopped loving you. He laid in bed with you. Back against his chest, he held you all night as you slept. Whispering I love you several times through out the night in your ear, while you slept, but you heard them in your dreams. Closing your eyes, the grass in between your fingers, thinking how everything was going to be just fine. You had the Winchesters and Castiel, everything you ever wanted. Your thoughts are interrupted by a throat clearing, opening one eye, you see a blond figure above you. Adjusting to the sun's light on your eyes, rubbing them until the figure is clear. A sucker in his mouth, Gabriel stood there, looking amused.  
“What the hell are you doing here Gabe?” looking up at your old friend, he smirks, giving you an apologetic look, “You know you're happy to see me!”His eyebrows bounced up and down, rolling your eyes, standing up to face him. Waiting for him to say something, you widen your eyes in annoyance.  
“Fine. I'll get to the point..” pausing for dramatic effect, taking out the sucker from his mouth, “We got trouble”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a fun chapter to write! I really just like giving the characters a break and letting them have some fun time. Hope you enjoyed !
> 
> Music in this chapter  
> Smokey Robinson - The Agony and the Ecstasy  
> The dance scene between Dean and Reader is from Pulp Fiction, if you haven't seen that movie, its really good! Also the dancing part is on youtube : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5qXCzknxn8   
> Chapter Title Song is the one playing during the dance scene : You Can Never Tell- Chuck Berry
> 
> Any comments/suggestions/advice/or how you think the story should go. Tell me!
> 
> thanks!


	27. Time Is Never Time At All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter done! I think the ending is coming soon..

Gabriel watches you fidget with your ipod, as the pair of you walk back to the bunker, because he wanted to talk to the Winchesters, Castiel and you together. You glance over at the archangel, his face took on a serious expression, causing you to groan internally, because this meant something was up. You literally just told Castiel you loved him and now trouble was brewing. Frustrated with the whole situation, you push pass Gabriel, hitting his shoulder with yours. 

“Oh, now that’s the girl I know and love! Saucy!” He hoots after you, catching up to in a heartbeat.  
Even more annoyed now, because it was so hard to truly be mad at the archangel. All that time spent with him in college, you learned to embrace his personality. His quirks.  
“Sorry, I’m just frustrated. Last night I told Castiel I loved him.”  
Gabriel stops dead in his tracks, taking his hand to prevent you from walking further along. He eyes you suspiciously,”Seriously?”.  
Giving a heartily laugh, you nod.  
“Wow, don’t tell my little Cassie poo. But good for you two. It’s about time” The blond man smirks but then something brings a stoic look on his face.  
You could practically see the gears turning in his head. “Gabe” your voice jerks the archangel back from his thoughts.  
“Do you remember everything yet?” Something in his voice spoke to you, knowing exactly what he meant.  
“No, not everything. But you’re wondering about Elijah, huh?”  
The little boy’s name waves a nostalgic feeling over Gabriel, bringing a small smile to his face.“So you remember..”  
You cut him off quickly, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I don’t remember much, but I remember him as a little boy. I remember being at the cabin with him.I remember the happiness.” pausing because you felt your voice trembling , quivering, “God Gabriel, he looked just like Castiel”.  
Your vision blurs as tears fill your eyes.Gabriel immediately throws an arm over your shoulder, letting you cry into his jacket. He lets you know it’s okay to cry, his voice low and sweet. You hear the familiar soothing tone Gabriel use when you got too drunk, when you became overwhelmed with school. The side of Gabriel few ever got to witness. But there was something else you felt. And when Gabe touches the top of your head, smoothing down your hair, a memory slips in.

_You watch Elijah laughing in Castiel’s arm, the angel was tickling his son. The sweet giggles ring softly in your ears. The three of you laid out on a blanket in the middle of the meadow. Your eyes wander to the cabin, Cece is at the cabin door, waving at the three of you. “Cece! Come!” You shout to her, turning back to Castiel and Eli._  
_“Eli, here comes Aunt Cece!” The boy beams, jumping out of Castiel’s arms and running toward the cabin.Watching him, you feel a pair of arms wrap around your waist.Castiel pulls you onto his lap, nuzzling the crook of your neck. You purr “I love you” as he kisses you lightly on the neck. Before Castiel can reciprocate, a small gust of wind comes and a snicker comes from behind the two of you.Gabriel stood there, wearing a white dress shirt and slacks, black suspenders._  
_“You guys make me sick,” he jokes. Castiel laughs, planting a kiss on your head. The two of you get up, Gabriel opens his arms to you, you walk forward to receive his hug._  
_“Joey, Joey. How did Cassie get so lucky?” Pulling from Gabriel’s embrace, you say you don’t know, winking at Castiel.  
“So where’s little Eli, I want to see my little nephew” You nod towards the cabin. Cece and Eli were standing near the front of the cabin. Gabriel pats Castiel on the back, walking towards the cabin. You watch Eli running towards Gabriel, shouting “Uncle!” over and over, before he was in the arms of the blond man. Gabriel squeezes Eli, causing him to laugh, then proceeds to throw him in the air. Castiel slips his arm around your shoulder, laughing at the sight, as the two of you walk towards your son. _

“Earth to (Y/N)!” Gabriel waves his hand in front of your face, you blink several times before having control over your vision. Breathing in and out, placing your hand on the blond’s shoulder.  
“I’m fine. You triggered a memory”  
Gabriel looks intrigue, running a hand through his blond locks. He waites patiently for you to say something.  
“You use to call me Joey. Elijah loved you.” The shock on the archangel’s face was one you never seen before. He looks like you had just caught him off guard. A little pain appears in his golden eyes, before he recomposes himself.  
“You claimed to hate it, but secretly you loved it” Letting out a full laugh, throwing your arms around the archangel, the two of you make your back to the bunker.

“Dean! Sam!” You holler, walking through the bunker entrance with Gabriel. The two of descend down the stairs, waiting for the brothers. Gabriel looks around, a little impressed, you motion for him to follow over to the table.  
“Want a beer or something?” Your old friend nods, as he takes a seat at the table. Walking into the kitchen, you silently call for Castiel in your head, before you open the frig and take a couple of cold beers out.  
“I can help with that” 

A deep voice makes you jump then smile, turning from the frig, Castiel is standing at the door of the kitchen. His trench coat is slightly disheveled and he has his angel blade in hand. Gasping, you set the beers down and make a beeline to him. Your hands are on his shoulder, looking his body over. You spot a blood stain on the bottom of his coat, “Are you okay?”.

He smiles fondly at you, the concern in your eyes, it levels him. He’s able to forget the fight he just won, as he looks calmly into your eyes. He doesn’t say a word, just gently bends down to kiss you on the lips. It’s a short, sweet kiss, but it's packed with a punch.  
Pulling away, he finally talks,“I’m fine.The blood is not my own.”  
Relief washes over you, feeling slightly silly now. Castiel knew how to handle himself, he was a damn angel. He led a whole army of angels!  
You smile, “Well, I’m glad. But why don’t you give me your coat, the stains going to stay, if we don’t clean it up” The angel obliges, sliding the trench coat off and handing it over to your care.  
“Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing. Do you know how many times Dean’s asked me to take blood of his jackets?” Castiel laughs, because he can only imagine.  
The angel thanks you by pulling you into yet another delicious kiss. His arms slide around your waist, pulling you closer to his body. His lips are plump against yours, his tongue parts your lips. You let him slip in, rubbing the nape of his neck. It takes every ounce of muscle to pull away from his body, “Come on, your coat is going to get ruin.”  
Castiel pouts, saying it does not matter.  
“It does, I love it on you.”  
Giving your angel a small peck, you walk over to the kitchen sink, setting the beige trench coat on the counter. You grab the stain remover from under the sink and start dabbing the bloody stain. Castiel watches you, as he leans against the opposite side of the counter, watching intently, a hand under his chin. You smile to yourself, because for the first time in a long time, everything feels normal. Scrubbing the stain with a rag, it slowly fades away. Continuing the process until it’s fully gone, smiling in victory, you hold up the coat to show Castiel. He smirks, giving you a little clap.

“See I told you!” Laughing, you walk around to the table and set the coat over a chair, so the little dampness on the coat could dry.  
“(Y/N)!” Dean’s roaring voice echoes in the bunker, Castiel looks over at you worried.  
“Shit, see what you do!” You accuse the angel, walking towards the counter, grabbing the beers.  
Smiling, you look to face Castiel. “You distract me with your seduction, I forgot Gabriel’s here to talk to us all.” The angel squints in confusion, but smiles as well. You hand him two beers and tell him to come, Gabriel will explain everything.

Walking into the library, Gabriel is sitting on the far end of the table, while Sam and Dean are huddled together, whispering.  
“Relax guys, he comes in peace” You offer a beer to each of the Winchesters, Dean takes his, but gives you an annoyed look. Sam, of course, smiles at you more curious than angry, unlike his brother.  
Castiel walks over to Gabriel handing him a beer, “Gabriel. I have not seen you in a while.” There is fondness in his voice, it makes you think about the memory you had earlier. Watching the two angels, it nearly brings you back to that time. Smiling like a goofball, Dean interrupts your thoughts as he clears his throat, causing you to break focus on Gabe and Castiel. 

“It’s good to see you brother, but I need to talk you all.” The archangel smirks, but it’s more stoic than mischievous. A look of concern comes over the three men, as you and Castiel take a seat. Gabriel leans into the table, hands in front of him.  
“I’ve been hearing some things lately, concerning the Winchesters and you.” Gabriel’s gaze meets yours, “Mainly about you.” The archangel points to you.  
Dean jerks in his seat, “What do you mean, mainly her. What the hell is going on,” the older Winchester demands.  
Gabriel shoots Dean a glare that could kill, ignoring him and looking to Castiel and you.

“There are demons coming for you. They want you dead.”  
A mixture of confusion and shock hits you.Thinking of all the demons you’ve ever killed, trying to forge a reason to Gabriel’s words. You suppose they want revenge,maybe. You feel Castiel’s hand take yours, “Gabriel, is it..”  
Castiel stops mid sentence to look at you, his eyes full with worry, maybe even anger. “Is it like before?”  
The question keeps you guessing. Like before? You look over at Sam and Dean, both equally as confused as you. Not being able to find the words, you just look at Gabriel, who looks to Castiel. “ Afraid so, brother.” 

With that,Castiel bangs down on the table with his fist, surprising everyone at the table. You had never seen him act out in such anger, not like this. Not when he wasn’t fighting some monster. Calmly, you place your hand over his fist, his fingers disengage out of the form of a fist and interlocks with yours. He doesn’t speak, his eyes focus on the table. Sam speaks, asking Gabriel what happened before.The archangel hesitates, looking to his brother, waiting for him to say something. But Castiel is lost in his own thoughts, so Gabriel looks over at you, wanting permission. You just nod, wanting to know the answer to Sam’s question.

“We were fighting a war back then, with demons. Castiel was leading our side, as he is now.” You glance over at Castiel and think of his trench coat with the blood stain. He had mentioned the war that was raging between the angels and demons, but never went into full detail.  
“Back then, some demons had found out about Eli and you. Everyone in heaven knew too, but Castiel was such a fierce leader, there was no objection. Some felt like he earned the right.”  
Sam and Dean watch you intensely, waiting to see your reaction. Waiting to jump in, to stop Gabriel from continuing. But you sat there, hand over Castiel’s, eyes fixated on Gabe. You were trying to hold on, to be strong. To not fall apart, because you knew this was all hurting Castiel too.The want to be strong for him, outweighs the want to break down.  
“What happened Gabe,” you stammer, trying to not let the pleading in your voice show. But before the archangel could get a word in, Castiel interjects, “That’s enough, Gabriel.”  
The blond nods in relief.You tilt your head to face Castiel, who looks right at you. “I’ll tell you, but not here. There’s somewhere we need to go first.”

A half an hour later, you stood by the bunker stairs, waiting for Castiel with Sam and Dean.  
“Are you okay?” Sam lightly touches your shoulders.  
You shrug, telling them the truth,“I honestly don’t know. I feel guilty as hell though. Dragging you two into this.”  
Dean immediately grabs you by the shoulder, shaking you,“Shut that shit down now. We got this, okay?” His green eyes peer into yours, he meant business.  
You smile, trying to hold back tears, hating yourself for being so weak. Sam can see the breaking down in your face and gathers you in a hug.  
“It’s fine. We’ll all be fine. It’s just some crappy demons. Nothing we can’t handle, okay?” His confidence helps you recover, letting a grin break across your face. Pulling from Sam’s embrace, you see Castiel, who was donning his trench coat again, and Gabriel walking through the hallway doorway, both talking. Gabriel nods to Castiel, patting his brother on the shoulders, as they come up to the three of you.

“Well, Deano and Sammy boy, I can’t say it was good seeing you two” Gabriel smirks then turns to you, “But you, it’s always good seeing you.” The slick charm rolls of the archangel’s tongue, getting an eye roll out of you. Saying goodbye to Gabriel with a hug, you promise to call him soon. To grab a beer, for old times sake. You watch him vanish, staring at the spot he just standing at.Castiel says your name, asking if you were ready to go. Giving the Winchesters each hug, you look to the angel. He smiles, nodding to his two friends and takes your hand in his. And like that the two of you were gone, Sam and Dean stare at the space you had just occupied. “I hope everything will be okay.” Sam discerns to his brother, Dean nods, hoping the same.

Opening your eyes, the sun’s light is low now. It only takes a moment for you to recover from the fast travel, it was getting easier for you. Looking up at Castiel, a small smile is painted on his face, as he looks forward. Slowly following the blue eyes with your own, a sea of green meadow surrounds you. Familiarity comes to you, hitting you like a massive wave on the coast. The smells, the surrounding colors, everything is as it was then. Your eyes finally reach where the angel was staring at. A small wooden cabin stood there, untouched for so many years, but unscathe. It looks just like it did in your memories. Your breath is taken away, your soul is crying out. It wants to go inside. It wants to feel whole again. You whisper the angel’s name as a tear falls down the side of your face. Castiel squeezes your hand tightly.  
“Come, there’s so much I want to tell you. So much I need to show you.” And with that, with those simple words, you walk with the angel. Hand in hand, you walk to the small wooden cabin that remains untouched. That stood the test of time, waiting for the true occupants to come back. You knew that things could not go back to the past, but this was different. Walking towards the cabin, Castiel’s hand in yours, it felt new. It felt like starting all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ending is near..  
> I think.  
> I have a few ideas.
> 
> Chapter Title Lyrics From : Tonight, Tonight by the Smashing Pumpkins
> 
> Comments/Concerns/Suggestions Wanted
> 
> thanks ya'll!


	28. Not To Let Go

Every step taken closer to the cabin, a memory slipped in. You took your time, holding on tightly to the angel's hand. There was a silence between the two of you, because Castel knew you were remembering. His eyes glanced over at you, an almost dazed look upon your face. The memories faded in and out, little flashes of imaginery. Elijah as a little baby, bundled up in Castiel's arms, as he stood, rocking him. Castiel holding you in his arms, making you laugh, as he kissed your earlobe. EJ taking his first steps outside in the meadow, his blue eyes locked on you, as you reached out for him. His chubby little legs stumbled until he got to you, a wide grin across your face, embracing your little one. Castiel being chased around by the little brown hair boy, who looked just like his father. Castiel laughing so hard, his nose scrunches up, as EJ gripped onto his leg, shouting, “I got you, Daddy! I got you!” His little voice rang with excitement, has he held on, while Castiel walked in circles, making large movements with his legs. You laugh at the mere sight, wondering if you could ever feel any happier. And like that, the memories fade to black. You breath out, releasing your hand from Castiel's grip. He watches as you walk ahead to the cabin, something was pulling you towards the front door. The angel takes his time, his eyes locked on your back. You get to the front door, hand goes to the knob, but pausing with uncertainity. Castiel is at your side in a second, placing his hand over yours, “ Are you sure you want to do this? We don't have to.” You stared down at his hand over yours, feeling a pull towards the door. “Y/N, Gabriel told me that it could be possible that this place, it could bring everything back. All the memories. It's like an anchor. The one place that has had the most significance.” His words possessed a certainity that gave you confidence, “I want to.” And with that, the angel removed his hand and you turned the door knob. It was a flash in your mind, then a lured darkness.

You remembered everything. The moment you first laid eyes upon Castiel, he stood there, in the black wool coat. You had called to him, prayed for him to come and when he appeared, you had fallen in love with him instantly. You remember him coming back, even after he healed Cece, vising you often and always sorry when he had to go. You remember the first kiss, sitting side by side in the meadow, his black wool coat was laid out over your shoulders, “I know it can not be possible. It should not be possible. But Castiel, I'm afraid I love you.” Castiel peered into you, a smirk trying to be contained. You shake your head at him, frustrated and afraid, moving the coat off your shoulders, trying to get up, but his hand gently takes a hold of your wrist. “Don't go.” He pulled you towards him, causing you to fall onto him, he laughs, laying his back down on the grass, bringing you down as well. You hoover over him, your hands holding you up. He smiles up at you, “I love you too, Josephine.” His deep voice was soft as his words took a moment to absorb. And when you realize he loved you back, you didn't hold back. Moving down to him, pressing your lips against his, the first kiss was sweet and longing. Filled with a new hope, a promise of a future. 

That moment fades and suddenly you were standing in front of Gabriel, Castiel across from you, holding your hands. He's not wearing his usual black coat, instead he's wearing a white button down shirt, black suspenders and black slacks. Looking over your shoulders, Cece is standing there, in a light blue dress, tears in her eyes. “Castiel, your vows.” Gabriel nodded to his brother, your eyes smiled up at Castiel. “Josephine, I loved you the moment I heard you call out for me. Your voice gave me hope, it gave me light. It gave me everything I did not know I wanted, I needed. I promise my love, to always protect you. To always come back for you. To always find you.” Tears swept down your cheek, as you squeezed Castiel's hand. He slowly slipped the silver ring onto your finger, rubbing his thumb over it. Gabriel stood there smiling, nodding for you. “Castiel, words could never describe what I feel for you. That night you saved my sister, but you also saved me. I longed for you before I knew you existed. My heart called for you, before I knew your name. I will never stop loving you and even in death, I know you'll find me. We will always find each other. Promise me this.” You voice chocked out the last words, causing tears to stream down your face. The angel lifted his hand to you, wiping the tears away, “I promise you. We will always find each other.” Slipping the ring onto Castiel's finger, you two seal the marriage with a kiss. 

_You hear your name being called at the end of the darkness, you hear his voice calling out to you. A light at the end, you reach for it._ “Castiel.” You croaked out, blinking several times, before seeing the sea of blue in front of you. The angel looks relieved as he moves to sit next to you. All the faded memories were clear now, you remembered everything. Looking around, you recognized the familiar surroundings, you were in the cabin. Sitting up on the bed, you smile at the angel. “We found each other, didn't we?” A tear falls down Castiel's face, he smiles, nodding slowly, “We did, my love. We did.”

The sky is clear later that evening, the sun still up, waiting to say goodbye to the day. Grass blades tickle against your skin, fingers slowly grazed your exposed hipbone. Pale blue eyes with white rays in the iris stared into you, Castiel's body is mere centimeters from your own, he lays on his side, facing you. The air is fresh, a clear sound of nothingness surrounds the two of you, and the smell of pine is welcomed each time you inhale. “How are you feeling?” The angel is worried, rubbing circles against your hipbone. After waking up from the little black out, you needed fresh air, so the two of you settled onto the grass. Castiel slightly surprised as you stopped at the exact location, the same spot that held so many good memories for the angel and you. So many times the two of you laid out, talking endlessly or laying in silence, entangled with one another, enjoying the world going by. And then there were the moments spent there with Elijah. Hours spent outside, laying on your backs, letting the little one crawl on and around the two of you. And now, the two of laid alone, trying to be okay. Trying to move on, but not forgetting. 

“I'm as good as I can be. Considering.” You concluded, fingers moving through the angel's brown hair, he closes his eyes, nodding. “I love you, Y/N.” The words were sweeter each time Castiel divulged them out to the world. Closing the gap between the two of you, slipping your hands into his trench coat, his back feels warm underneath your touch. Looking up, you kiss the jawline of the angel, slowly moving your lips down to his neck. Castiel lets out a soft laugh.“I love you, Castiel. More than anything. I don't want to be without you anymore.” The words come out in a plea, as you lay a kiss at the base of his neck. Feeling the angel move his hands up your back, fingers moving through your hair, bending his head forward, his lips meet yours. The kiss is always the same, never lacking in electricity and always full of love. But you wanted more this time. Needed more. Nestling into his side, the angel understands, because he's lingering over you. His weight relaxes gently on your body, your fingers gripping the lapel of his coat. His deep ocean blue eyes have you lost at sea, until you feel his lips against your neck. “Castiel, you have to know, I'm not really her anymore.” A small grin pulls at the corner of his mouth, as he pulls from your neck, looking down at you , he gives a chuckle, “Y/N, I know this. I've always known this. It's your soul that I fell in love with and that has never changed. Not even after all these years.” Even though deep down, you knew this, hearing it coming from the angel's lips, sent a sense of relief through you. “Good, because I need you right now. I need to feel you.” Those words send shivers down Castiel's back, as he continued to kiss you. And when every article of clothing was removed from the two of you, the grass was your bed. When the angel looked down at you, his eyes never left yours. As the two of you moved together in a slow settled pace, it was a feeling you had never experience. It was a feeling so full of love and passion, it had you whimpering underneath Castiel, vowing to yourself that you would never stop loving the angel. And as the two of you laid naked and entangled, the blades of green itching at your skin, you looked up at the angel and realized, nothing could ever be better than being in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken a while to update!  
> I will be updated more often now!
> 
>  
> 
> Song title: Not To Let Go by John Nolan


	29. No One Like You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the morning after having one of the greatest nights of your life, well this life. But during breakfast, there are revelations that come to light, heart wrenching ones.

You wake up to the smell of bacon and coffee filling the cabin's air. Your eyes flutter open, stretching your limbs and throwing the fleece blanket off your body. Castiel looks up from the table, where he seats waiting for you to wake.  
“I brought food from a diner near by and fresh coffee.”  
The cabin was nice and toasty as the fireplace roared in the background, you place a kiss on the angel's lips before taking a seat.  
“This looks so good. I'm starving, thank you.”  
He nods with a prideful smile, happy to have made you content. You eat in silence for a few minutes, devouring every piece of food. The comfortable silence between the two of you felt easy to achieve, that sudden thoughts distend in your mind. After coming back inside from the greatest moment of your life, well this life, the two of you had laid in bed. Castiel talked about how wonderful the winters were here and his soft whispers had slowly lulled you to sleep. But it was the dream you had, that brought back significant memory.  
“I had a dream about Elijah, last night.”  
Castiel froze in place, his eyes search yours for any sign of despair.  
“It's okay, it was a good dream. A memory.” You smile to yourself, biting off a piece of bacon. Castiel shifts in his seat, setting his elbows on the wooden table.  
“He was a special boy. Loving, extremely intelligent,and beautiful, like his mother.” Castiel let out quiet sigh, the longing in his voice spoke so loudly it wrecked you.  
“No, he took after like you. Those blue eyes, it was like looking right at you.” Your fingers lock within Castiel's. “The dream was of his birth.”  
Castiel couldn't help himself, as he tries to stifle his laughter, remembering the colorful language you had used to describe him that day.  
“I was horrible to you that day. Cece delivered him and man, I wanted to kick you in the balls.”  
You confess, taking a sip of coffee.  
“I know. I'm an angel of the lord, but the way you gripped my hand. I thought you were going to dismember it.” Castiel's eyes widen as you smack lightly at his arm.  
“I remembering wanting to, but it was all worth it.” You squeeze his forearm gently, simpering to yourself. “His cry, Castiel. That sweet angelic cry changed everything, didn't it?”  
“It did. Elijah was our everything. A day does not pass that I do not think of his face or his soft laugh.”  
Castiel's throat tightens as he holds on to the corners of the table, his eyes staring down at his lap.  
“I'm so sorry, (Y/N). I will never forgive myself for not protecting the two of you that day.”  
His words choke out harshly, instinctively your hand reaches for his face, caressing your thumb against his chin.  
“No, Castiel. You gave Eli and I a wonderful life, our death is not on your hands. I remember everything, I know how they tricked you. I know the demons made this elaborate plan to lure you away from here. They wanted us dead, to destroy you. Those assholes knew how powerful you were and they needed to weaken you.”  
Castiel looks up in horror, “You remember that day?”  
You nod hesitantly, pulling your hand from his face. “I do. I wish I hadn't,but I can't nitpick what I remember, it's all here.”You point to your head with a sigh.  
Castiel curses under his breath in a language you remember too fondly.  
“I haven't heard Enochain in a long time. It's still as beautiful as I remember.”  
The angel's eyes soften.“I use to talk to Elijah in Enochain all the time. I wanted him to learn the language, since he was-”  
“A nephilim. Do you think that's part of the reason those demons came?”  
Castiel remains silent, thinking to himself before speaking, “Possibility. Or it was a bonus.”  
You can sense the frustration building in the angel, but you had a question to ask.  
“I need to ask you something Castiel.”  
“Anything.” He quickly replies.  
“Is he in heaven?” Your heart pounds away, waiting for an answer to a question that consumed your thoughts, especially at night when the bunker fell silent.  
“Yes, I went to see him once. We were with him.”  
Tears flood your eyes as your hand flies to cover your mouth, nodding happily.  
You wipe the fallen tears from your cheek, grasping at Castiel's hand,“Good, so he's not alone.”  
The angel chokes out with wetness in his eyes, “I can not bring myself to go see him. It's too-”  
You shake your head to cut him off, “I understand, Castiel. But a version of us is there for him and that's all that matters.”  
He sighs with relief, his eyes wander toward the window.  
“I buried the two of you in the woods.” A single tear falls down the side of his face, as blue ocean colored eyes meets yours.  
Looking up from your cup of coffee, a sense of readiness washes over you.  
“Take me, Castiel.”

The two of you walk hand in hand in silence, stopping every so often when you would remember a moment spent in the woods. Castiel would smile with confirmation giving his two cents, before the two of you would trek on. It only took a few minutes to get to the center of the woods, where two headstones in the shape of crosses stood. You release Castiel's hand to walk the few feet to the markers, the angel stays behind to give you space.  
You kneel down on the grass in between the two graves, touching the cold headstones with shaky fingers. Castiel watches from a distance as your shoulders hunch over, almost as if you were laughing, a great concern built up in his chest when he hears your muffled sobs. He's at your side in an instant, his arm slips around your back, pulling you into his side. With quivering lips, your eyes stare right at the small headstone with just the name Elijah carved into it and a million emotions burst inside you. Castiel tries to constraint the urge to let loose all the pain he held on to for so long, but the grip you have on his trench coat is too much for the angel.  
“I'm so sorry, Castiel. I'm so sorry you had do this.”  
You sob into his chest, as silent tears flood down his face. The two of you don't move from the ground for what seems like a lifetime, the smell of rain hits your nose as the cool breeze makes you shiver. Castiel pulls you from his chest, his cheeks wet from his tears, “I love you, (Y/N). I will not lose you again.”  
You lean forward, pressing a gentle kiss on his lips. “No matter what we'll always find each other. We always will, Castiel.”  
...  
Castiel leans against the fence, watching you picking flowers from the garden to take back to the bunker. He reaches inside his trench coat pocket, thumbing the silver rings he took from the wooden box on the fire mantle. A mere spec of hope was the reason he kept them locked and safe in the cabin, he dreamt that one day he could return it to you. It had been a naive dream that the angel clung to, but now as he watches you, he realizes the dream had come true. You straighten up, a dozen flowers in hand as you walk up to Castiel. Holding up the flowers to his nose, the angel laughs as he bends forward to smell the lilies.  
“I think we should head back to the bunker, Dean's been texting nonstop to make sure we are fine.”  
You close the gate behind you, walking toward the cabin to collect your things, but Castiel grabs at your elbow.  
“I want to give you something.”  
“Castiel, are you trying to seduce me” You tease laughing at the way the angel blushes.  
“No. Not at the moment. I want to give you back something that belongs to you.”  
You eye his hand curiously as it reaches into his pocket, pulling out two matching silver rings.  
“I gave this to you a lifetime ago.” He held out the smaller of the two, you froze in shock.  
“Are those are wedding bands?” You choke out, moving your hand forward before bringing it back down.  
“Yes, you do not have to wear it as such. I just thought you'd might want it back. I kept mine with yours, afraid something would happen to it.” Castiel's voice is unsteady , rescinding his hand back down, but you quickly reach for it.  
“Don't. I want it back.” You tug open his fist, staring at the ring in his palm.  
“Are you certain?”  
“Yes, please.” You hold out your hand to the angel, fingers spread out so he can slip the ring on. The angel squints, unsure of which finger to place the ring on, because he did not want to be presumptive.  
“You know which finger.” You whisper softly, smiling up at the angel.  
Castiel's eyes light up as he slowly slides the finger in it's rightful place, satisfied to see it back on you. In turn you ask for his ring, which he happily hands over. You gleam with the hope of a long future with the angel, as you slip the ring on his. The two of you stare into each others eyes with wide grins, I love yous exchange, before heading back inside the cabin. 

...

Sam sat at the table in the library on his laptop, searching the news and looking for any signs of demonic activity. Dean was settling in his seat, about to take a bite of the glorious burger he had made for lunch.  
“Hey guys! We're back.” You walk into the library flowers in hand, Castiel right behind you. Dean lights up, forgetting his burger and getting up to hug you.  
“You okay? Everything good?” Green eyes peer into yours, searching for any type of disturbance, but you laugh pushing him away from you.  
“It's good. There's a lot we have to talk about, but first I need to put these in water.” You hold up the flowers to Dean's face, but his eyes quickly go to the silver band on your finger.  
“What the hell is that?” Dean's tone has Sam looking from his laptop. “You two didn't..”  
“If you really think about it, I died. So, we kind are already married.” You shrug, laughing at how incredibly unconvincing it sound coming from your mouth.  
“No Dean, (Y/N) and I did not marry. These are our wedding bands from before.” Castiel clarifies.  
“Oh, I get it. Good for you two, right Sam?” Dean looks over his shoulder, as Sam stands up from his chair and walks toward Castiel and you.  
“It really is guys, but” he looks back at his laptop, “I found some suspicious activity not too far from here.”  
“A case?” You question, peering at the younger Winchester, who sighs.  
“Demons. And I'm thinking it's not a coincidence that it's so close to here.”  
Dean groans at his brother, shooting you an apologetic look. You feel Castiel tense next to you, so you turn to face him.  
“Castiel, it will be fine. You won't lose me again.” Your hand lands on his cheek, forgetting that Sam and Dean stood right beside the two of you.  
“I'm a hunter this time around, we are going to fight back. History will not repeat itself, right guys?” Your head turns the brothers, both nodding in agreement.  
“Cas, we got this.” Dean pats the angel's back, “ Nothing's going to happen to (Y/N), I promise you man.” Castiel sighs in relief, nodding to his best friend.  
A feeling over strength comes over you, glancing at each of the three men in front of you. This was your family and nothing or no one was going to tear it apart, you were going to fight like hell that was certain. You sigh with resolved confidence, getting the attention of the boys, “Alright then fellas, we got some hunting to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it has taken so much time to update, I've been in a writing funk , but I'll be getting the ball rolling now!
> 
>  
> 
> No One Like You by Best Coast


	30. The Promise

“Okay,” you stroll into the war room, slipping your cell into your back pocket, “Gabe’s coming in the morning.”  
Collapsing onto the chair next to Sam, your eyes wander around the room, “Where’s Dean and Castiel?”  
Sam leans back into his seat, stretching out his long limbs, “Chinese food and beer.”  
“Sounds good,” you hum softly, resting your head on the table, “I have a good feeling about this Sam.”  
The hunter gave you a long look, his hazel eyes soften with a smile, “Yeah. I have to admit, having Gabriel on our side will work in our benefit.”  
“He really isn’t that bad,” you express, “he was great in college, really helped me.”  
Sam just smirks, “If you say so.” 

The two of you go over the next day’s plans, going over all the necessary weapons for any possible situation, until you hear voices coming down the stairs. You smile up at the two men, a bag of take out in Dean’s hand and two cases of beer in Castiel’s.  
“Those are a lot of beers, Dean,” jumping out of the chair, you grab a case from Castiel.  
“Yeah, well one for tonight and the other for tomorrow, when we celebrate kicking those assholes asses.”  
“Hell yeah, Winchester!” You go to high five the man, instead he grabs you in a one arm hug. Castiel looks on with a content smile, before coaxing the two of you over to the table to eat. The four of you settle around the war table, passing along the cartons of food around. Looking over at the angel, who sat across from you, his plate full teriyaki chicken, you just smile at him. The smile slowly turns into a full blown grin, watching his lips move as he talks to Dean. The room falls deaf, your eyes wander to each of the men. Sam was smirking at something Dean was saying, rolling his eyes in fake annoyance. Dean was lifting his beer bottle to his lips, chuckling with a shrug toward his brother. And Castiel’s lips form that smile that makes your heart pulsate fast, little crinkles surround his bright blue eyes. His nose scrunches up as he genuinely laughs at whatever Dean’s going on about and then his eyes move to you. Tunnel vision has you only seeing your angel, your little bird. His lips part slightly, his chest slowly moves up and down, smile gone. The two of you stare into each other, his voice rings in your mind.  
_I love you_

You smile down at your lap and the room becomes alive again, Dean’s talking about taking a vacation.  
“Vacation?” You question.  
“Yeah, it’s about damn time we all have some fun around here,” he demands with a smile.  
Looking to Sam with your eyebrows raise, he ponders for a moment then grins, “A vacation would be nice.”  
“The cabin is nice this time of year,” Castiel suggests looking at you for any disapproval, but your eyes light up nodding along with the angel.  
“Yes! You guys would love it. Sam the woods is so beautiful, we could start our morning jogs again!”  
Sam perks up in his seat, “Sounds perfect.”  
“Dean, there’s a lake not too far from the cabin. I can procure a boat,” the angel proposes thoughtfully.  
The hunter’s face extorted into an expression you loved seeing on him, happiness, “That sounds perfect, Cas.”  
“Dean, we can have a fish off,” you tease with a wink, taking a bite of chicken.  
He looks over at you with admiration and a small smile, “You, me and a cooler full of beer any day.”  
The biggest smile graces your face, “It’s settled then boys. Let’s get this shit done and start our vacation.”  
Holding up your can of beer toward the middle of the table, the men hold up their own. The four of you clink the cans together and resume eating. The rest of the meal’s conversation was light hearted, full of loud laughter as Dean recants the time he put itching powder in Sam’s underwear. Sam retaliates with the story about putting super glue on Dean’s beer bottle, Castiel looks at you with wide eyes as you laugh hysterically. Wiping tears from your eyes, sighing with contentment and brimming with pure happiness to be around your boys. You lean back into your seat, not able to eat another bite, just taking in the scene in front of you.  
_Everything will be fine. After tomorrow, things are going to be just fine. I got my boys. I got my angel._

These thoughts implode in your mind, filling you with a sense of hope and tranquility until Sam stands up from the the table and starts picking up plates. You jump up to help him take everything to the kitchen, following the tall man out of the room. Once in the kitchen, the two of you dispose of the left overs. There were a few dishes left from the morning so you started on them, humming softly to yourself.  
“You really do love that song, huh?” Sam chuckles, moving next to you and offering his help. You smile handing him a plate to rinse.  
“I sure do.”  
The two of you quietly work side by side, you scrubbing while Sam rinses off the dishes.  
“Sam, I need to tell you something,” you don’t look up from the dish in your hand, the water stops as Sam turns to you.  
“Of course.”  
Setting the plate down, your body slightly turns, “Remember that psychic at the carnival?”  
Sam snorts, “That fake psychic?”  
“She wasn’t fake Sam,” your groan, “She was the real deal. Told me stuff that really freaked me out.”  
“Like what?” Sam demands.  
“She knew Castiel wasn’t human for one. She warned me to stay away from you all, that the three of you would be the death of me. And -” you choke on your words, “ And that one of you were already the cause of my death.”  
Sam stood still, his hand gripping the plate in his grasp. His eyes fixate forward, his chest heaves slowly. The plate gets settled down harshly as Sam grabs your shoulders, forcing you to face him full on.  
“I promise you, nothing is going to happen to you. Dean, Cas will never let that happen. I would never let that happen,” the man’s eye pour into yours, making sure you heard everything he said.  
“I know Sam. But still, if anything happens to me tomorrow promise you’ll take care of Castiel.”  
Sam’s face fell, his grip loosens as he slips them away from you. His eyebrows furrow in thought for a moment before he speaks, “I promise.”  
You sigh in relief, burying your head into his chest, “Thank you Sam.”  
He kisses you on the forehead before telling you that he’s got the rest of the dishes, to go see what’s going on with Castiel and his brother. Sam watches you leave the kitchen, hoping he wouldn’t have to keep his promise.

Walking through the bunker searching for the boys, you end up in the garage first. Dean was leaning into the open trunk, rummaging through the weapons he kept in there. You stood a few feet away quietly watching him. Dean’s back relaxes as he stands straight, pulling out a machete from the trunk. He holds it up, moving it from side to side, examining it carefully. He takes a finger and delicately slides his finger along side the blade, checking it’s sharpness. You hold back a smile as he twirls the machete in his hand, swinging it swiftly in the air. Not wanting to embarrass him , you lock away this moment and quietly leave the garage.  
Dean hears you leave the garage, chuckling to himself. He wonders why you didn’t announce yourself, given the opportunity he made for you to embarrass him, so he just goes back to checking the weapons while softly humming to a Led Zeppelin song.

Walking into your room, you’re not surprised to find the angel there. He stood in front of your book shelf, his limber fingers touching the spine of each book.  
“Castiel,” his name comes out soft as you close the door behind you. The angel turns with a smile, quickly making his way to you.  
“I felt your anxiousness as you walked through the bunker,” his hands cup your face, blue eyes peer into you.  
“I just want tomorrow to be done and over with. I want to go back to the cabin with you and the boys,” you confess, slipping your hands underneath his trench coat and over his white dress shirt.  
“It will be fine, you need rest.” Castiel advises, pulling you close to the bed.  
“Don’t leave me tonight,” you plea, hating how weak you sound.  
“I won’t.” His fingers pull off your jacket, letting it fall to the ground. You lean your head forward onto his shoulder, slowly you remove his trench coat tossing it onto the desk chair behind him. You look up and kiss him on the lips rather more roughly than expected. But a hunger rushes through you and it almost feels like a ‘now or never’ situation. Castiel senses the urgency in your movements and quickly decides to oblige. You pull away and collapsed onto the bed, moving up against the headboard. The angel removes his black suit jacket, before making his way onto the bed and toward you. His body hovers over your legs, slowly he moves his head down toward your thigh, giving it a soft kiss. The angel makes his way up your body, brushing small kisses against your clothing until he reaches your chest. Your hand goes around his back, pushing him down onto you. His brown hair grazes against your chin, as he listens closely to the beat of your heart. You run your fingers through his hair, feeling his whole weight on you as he relaxes his body.  
The angel runs his fingers up and down your arm, “Everything will be fine tomorrow.”  
“I know, Castiel,” you murmur scratching his head. He groans softly, moving his head up to look at you. His blue eyes drown your insides as he moves his body next to yours, his arm slides over your stomach. Wiggly down so you were face to face with the angel, you pull him into a kiss, much softer this time. His lips feel soft, taste sweet as his hands pull you into him. You make quick work of undoing the buttons on his shirt and disposing it off his shoulders. Castiel pushes you down carefully, shifting his body over you. Your fingers go to his belt, unbuckling it before sliding it away from his pants.  
Castiel stops moving, watching you with a warm gleam, “I love you from the deepest purest part of my soul.” His words engulf your heart, sinking deep into it. Your hand moves to his face, rubbing it with your thumb.  
“I love you, Castiel.” 

The three of you stood against the Impala, looking at the warehouse that stood behind a large steel gate.  
“It’s always a damn warehouse,” Dean mumbles, checking his gun.  
“Yeah, well it’s demons. What do you expect?” You nudge his side.  
“Where’s Cas and Gabriel?” Sam questions, looking at his watch.  
“Right here, Sammy boy.”  
The three of you turn around, standing on the other side of Baby is the angel and archangel. You smile brightly as Castiel makes his way to you, pressing a kiss on your forehead.  
“Are you ready?” He questions pressing his forehead against yours.  
You grip the lapels of his trench coat, feeling the rough fabric against your skin, “Yeah, let’s get this over with.”  
The two of you walk over to where the other three men stood, talking amongst themselves.  
“You two pea brains do realize it will take only a snap of my fingers to kill any demon in that whole place?”  
Dean scoffs harshly, “Yeah, well we never know what could go down.”  
“Gabe, be nice. Dean’s right, it’s always good to be extra prepared,” you assert, cocking the gun in your hand.  
“You do know those won’t work, right?” Gabriel smirks.  
“She’s not an idiot, we have devil traps engraved on each bullet,” Dean remarks with an eye roll.  
“Enough, it’s time.” Castiel steps in, ending the light bickering.  
Everyone falls silent as the time comes, you walk in between Dean and Castiel, trying to stay focus. Get in, kill those damn demons and end this shit.  
Walking up to the steel gate, Dean shoots the lock off pushing the gate wide open. It creaks as you walk onto the property. The five of you don’t get but a few feet when Gabe and Castiel stop in their tracks.  
“What’s wrong,” Sam questions, his eyes wandering around for any sign of danger.  
Gabriel looks over at Castiel, whose eyes are hardened with anger. He grips the angel blade in his hand, letting out a low sigh.  
“What is it,” you demand sending a glare at Gabriel, an annoyed expression was written all over his face.  
“Angels.”  
You along with the WInchesters, were dumbfounded. Your eyes move to Castiel, who stood beside you, his eyes fixate on the building.  
“Castiel, why are there angels here?” You break his concentration, with a touch to his shoulder.  
“I-I do not know,” he moves his hand over yours, “But this is not good.”  
“Obviously, but we are here now. So let’s get the show on the damn road,” Dean grunts moving forward with Sam.  
Everyone starts to move forward, but you pull on Castiel’s arm. He turns to face you, worry upon his face.  
“You do not have to go in there,” he assures you.  
“No, no,” you protest, “I have to. Just remember, no matter what we’ll always find each other.”  
“No matter what.” Castiel replies before pressing his lips against yours. You don’t want to move from this moment, afraid of the outcomes that could arise. No, you want to stand here forever with your lips against the angel’s, but you pull away anyhow.  
“Let’s go.”


	31. I Know It's Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A month after the fight went down.

_“We found each other, didn't we?”  
A tear falls down Castiel's face. He smiles, nodding slowly,“We did, my love. We did.” _

Your eyes fixate on the ripples in the water, the boat rocks softly. Those words repeat endlessly in your head, getting louder until it’s almost unbearable. A different voice calls out to you, getting louder and louder until a hand grabs a hold of your shoulder.  
“Y/N,” Dean speaks softly, a hard smile on his handsome face.  
“Huh?” You look up from the water, scanning your surroundings as if you had forgotten where you were.  
“I said, the fish ain’t biting. Let’s get back to the cabin, I’ll head to the store a few miles down.”  
“Sure,” you shrug lightly.  
Dean sighs running a hand over his face, “Listen, what the hell are you going to do? Can’t become a damn zombie.”  
“I’m going to wait here until I die, Dean,” you smile at the man, watching him start the motor up.  
“Over my dead body,” he grumbles under his breath. You hear him, but don’t acknowledge his response, instead you watch the water until the two of you are at the shore of the lake. You help Dean secure the boat to the dock and the pair of you take the short walk back to the cabin. 

Sam was reading next to the fireplace, when Dean and you walk into the cabin. He smiles at you and asks if you caught any fish. But his words fall on deaf ears, because you grab a sweater and tell the boys you are going for a walk. Stopping at the door to ask Dean to bring some whiskey when he heads out to the store.  
“You got it, sweetie.”  
You hate that he calls you that, tasting the sympathy in his words, so you make a quick exit. The air is fresh and you are glad to be away from the boys. You love them like brothers, but they were smothering you like family, it was becoming too much. The walk is quiet, only the sound of leaves crunching under our boots. The trees provide shade from the sun and before you know it, there he was.  
You smile and walk toward him, heart pounding a mile a minute, it felt just like yesterday. When in fact it had been a month since you buried Castiel right next to Elijah. You kneel down in front of the marker, brushing away falling leaves from both grave stones.  
“Hey boys,” you whisper feeling yourself become weak with emotion.  
It had been a month, but it felt like yesterday.  
Since Castiel died saving you.  
Died because of you.  
“I miss you, Castiel, “ your knees go deep into the ground, dirtying your jeans immediately, not that it matter much.  
“Dean and Sam are being completely overbearing,” you laugh brushing away a tear. “I know they mean well, but I wish I was with you.”  
“I feel so lost, Castiel,” your hand drags along the marker, gripping it tightly. “I can’t stand it anymore. I don’t feel you anymore. Before even when you were off doing God knows what, I could feel you. I knew you were out there, somewhere.”  
“But now?” You close your eyes, picturing the angel smiling at you, trying to hold on to that image.  
“Nothing. I can’t feel you.”  
“I have nightmares about that damn day. We should have never gone, I should have listened to you and stayed behind.”  
Your hand shakes as images of that moment springs alive in your head, “I’m so sorry.”

.......  
“Aiden?” Castiel’s eyes widen at the angel in front of him. He looks over at Gabriel, who is trap in holy oil. “What is the meaning of this!”  
Aiden swirls his angel blade, “Castiel, you were my hero before this little whore came prancing into your life.”  
Castiel’s eyes narrow, pulling you behind him protectively, “Leave her out of this, she has done nothing wrong brother!”  
“Castiel, you were such a fearless leader! Heaven’s greatest, but you became weak. Weak for what she had in between in her legs,” Aiden leers at you in disgust.  
“That is enough!” Castiel growls, the light fixture above you explodes; sending shard glass onto you.  
Dean grabs you from behind and whispers into your ear, “Stay close.”  
“No! I thought she was long gone when I sent those worthless demons to end her and that little mutt of yours.”  
You gasp, gripping at Castiel’s trenchcoat. He was the one. He was the reason you had died long ago. He had Eli killed. Anger boils up inside you making you lung for the angel, but Dean pulls you back.  
Aiden laughs, “I had gotten rid of one whore, only for you to replace her with another.” He looks directly at Dean, smirking smugly. Dean inhales deeply, never taking his eyes off Aiden.  
“And I thought Luc was a dick,” Gabriel groans, crossing his arms against his chest. “Aiden, you were always jealous of Cassy. Admit it.”  
Aiden snorts, “Of what? His mistakes? His downfall?”  
You could see Castiel’s shoulders tense, practically feel his anger searing from his body. “You will pay for what you have done, Aiden.”  
Castiel’s fighting words starts it all.  
Your angel has Aiden by the throat, pushing him into a wooden pillar. Sam was trying to get the holy oil to die down, knowing Gabriel could end it all with a snap of his finger. Dean races forward to Castiel just as Aiden pushes him backward, thrusting the angel blade toward Cas. Dean grabs Cas in time, but the angel warns Dean to stand down.  
“You Winchesters, never know your damn place,” Aiden snarls grabbing Dean by the collar. The two of them scuffle when a demon comes out of seemingly nowhere, blade in hand and Dean as his target.  
You run toward the fight as Aiden releases Dean from his grip and focuses on Castiel, whose eyes are glowing blue. Stun by the sigh, you freeze. The commotion all around you goes silent, seeing Castiel’s grace peeking from his body. It was magnificent, beautiful. Powerful.  
“Castiel,” you whisper subconsciously causing the angel to look directly at you. That’s all Aiden needs, a simple distraction to thrust the blade into Castiel’s chest.  
You hear a feral scream, not recognizing your own voice. Dean’s eyes widen and he yells out for Castiel, pushing the demon off him and racing to his friend. It was then, the holy oil starts to fade. You run to Castiel, just as Aiden takes the blade out of his chest. The room fills with white light, blinding you for a mere moment. And then the room settles, Castiel is on the ground. Black out wings gracefully surround his body. In an instant, Aiden and the demon are killed by Gabriel, their remains fall in piles.  
“Castiel!” You cry out, throwing your body over his. “No! No! No!”  
Sam watches from a distance, unable to move his body. His eyes not believing what he was seeing, what he was feeling. Tears fall down his face in waves, his body shakes like an earthquake. Dean feels like vomiting, his throat feels like it’s about to close in. Any other time, he would try to fight back the tears, but now they freely fall from his face.  
“Jesus,” Dean mutters in a choke voice. He kneels beside you, his body feels as if it has the flu.  
“Castiel! Wake up!” You scream holding his face in your hand. Your vision is blurry, tears pour out of you in an alarming rate. “Oh, god. Oh, god.”  
“Please, don’t leave me. Come back, oh god.” You rub a thumb against his cheek, lips trembling so roughly, you can hear your teeth clattering. You feel Dean’s hand on your back and you turn to face him.  
“Dean, tell him to get up,” you look to the hunter with hope, but the tears running down his face say enough.  
“Gabriel, snap him back,” you demand in a hoarse voice, clinging to Castiel’s limp arm.  
The archangel moves to Castiel’s side and places a hand on the angel’s chest. Gabriel shuts his eyes, pushing all his grace into Castiel. Over and over.  
Over and over again.  
Your chin quivers, you suck in a large breath trying to hold back the scream when it all hits you at once. Gabe could not save Castiel. He was truly gone. Everything hurt, everything was broken inside you. Your body feels on fire, everything feels different.  
“He can't be gone. Tell me he isn't gone!” You scream up at the older Winchester, Dean can barely hold his composure but he tries his best. He pulls you from Castiel’s body into his arms.  
“God dammit, Dean. Tell me he isn't gone. Tell me..”  
Clutching a fist full of the hunter's shirt, you feel Dean's arms tighten around you.  
“Y/N, I'm so sorry, but- but he's gone.”  
And it was like that, with Dean's words it hit you. Castiel was dead. The love of your life was torn from your world. The angel has gone home. And it was then, you felt something real shatter inside you.  
Gabriel sighs deeply, muttering something about Heaven calling before regretfully disappearing. Sam quickly moves to Dean and you, collapsing on his knees; his tears are salty as they run over his lips. Sam puts his hand on Dean's shoulder, his older brother looks up tears running down his face. Dean looks away, his eyes on the angel; his other brother. Desperately, Dean wants to yell his name out, tell him to get up, that the hunt was over. Tears race down Dean's face, knowing this was it. You had lost the love of your life. Sam and he had lost their brother. Nothing would ever be the same.The three of you stay huddled around Castiel body, listening to the tearing of your heart projecting loudly throughout the room. The three of you cling to each other’s presence, trying to stay strong for one another but failing miserably. Because the three of you had lost the angel, you had lost Castiel.

 

.....

“I’m so sorry,” you whimper into the ground, tears hit the dirt ground and you wonder if Castiel could hear you up in Heaven. Your fingers dig into the ground, the earth was cool in your grip.  
“I’m so sorry, Castiel,” you sob loudly, letting time slip away as you close your eyes, hoping to get a glimpse of him in your head.  
“So sorry, my love..” 

  
“Where the hell is she?” Dean grumbles, Sam trailing behind him with a flashlight.  
“She’s probably at-”  
“I know, Sam,” Dean retorts with a sigh, rushing forward leaving his brother behind. Of course he knew where you were. As he walks swiftly, following the small pathway to the burial site, he tries not to think of that day. Or the days after and even yesterday. Forward. That is all Dean wants to think about, moving forward, because it still stung. The wounds were still fresh for everyone, but especially for you. He hears Sam’s footsteps a ways behind him as he passes the large tree you had carved Elijah and Castiel’s name on indicating the correct way.  
As Dean drew closer to the place he had buried his best friend, a panic sets when you come into his peripheral vision. You were on the ground, face in the dirt.  
Rushing to you, he quickly lifts your head and checks for breathing.  
“Come on, sweetheart,” his hands pat your cheek, causing you to groan out. He sighs in relief, just as Sam comes walking from in between two trees.  
He flashes the light onto Dean and you, “Is she okay?”  
Dean answers with a quick shake of his head, before picking you up in his arms. He shifts your body and your head leans into his chest.  
“Let’s get her back to the cabin,” Dean nods at Sam, moving ahead of him again. Sam jogs to catch up, holding the flashlight out for Dean to see where he was stepping.  
“Dean, how long are we going to stay out here? All of this has been hard, I miss Cas too,” Sam runs a hand through his hair, hoping you were actually asleep and not listening to him. “But there are people out there that need our help.”  
The cabin comes into view and Dean walks faster, hoping to get you into bed without waking you. When they reach the cabin, Sam opens the door and lets Dean in first, who quickly moves you to the bed. Resting your body gently onto the only bed in the cabin, he brushes a strand of hair from your face. He smiles at the dirty all over your face and his heart breaks a little more.  
The two brothers move around the cabin quietly, Sam cleaning up the beer cans and Dean rolling out two sleeping bags.  
“I thought you liked camping, Sam?” Dean muses up at his younger brother. “Miss your bed at the bunker?”  
Sam rolls his eyes, “Well, yeah. We’ve been here for a while now, I think it’s time to go home.” His hazel eyes glance over at you, “All of us.”  
Dean stands up from kneeling and walks over to Sam. “I know people need our help, but she comes first. She’s family. Cas was family.”  
With that, the discussion was over.  
Your eyes were shut, but every word the Winchesters had said, you heard. So once the two men settle for the night, you turn to face them. The light from the fireplace illuminates the entire room and memories come flooding into your being. Of Castiel. Elijah. And visions of what could have been, if everything had gone the way it should have. Fishing with Dean, runs through the woods with Sam and naps in that one special spot in the meadow with Castiel.  
None of it would ever come true. It was all gone.  
The thought of staying any longer in this memory infested place overwhelms you.  
You move out of the bed quietly and stand over the brothers. Sam’s back was turn away from you and Dean was laying flat on his back. Your body moves down and settles next to the Winchester, resting your head against his chest. Lips tremble for breath as he pulls you into his slide. He rubs at your back, keeping his eyes closed.  
“We can go home, Dean. I’m ready.” You whisper into his chest.  
“I’m ready if you’re ready,” he answers, pressing a kiss onto your forehead before drifting back to sleep.  
You lay there, in between the Winchesters, watching the light from the flames on the ceiling. Blue eyes appear in your head, Castiel was laughing at something you said. His nose scrunches up, crinkles appear at the corner of his eyes. He motions for you to come closer to him, holding out his hand to you. The memory fades.  
Lifting a hand out to the ceiling, you whisper the same promise over and over until you tire yourself to sleep.  
“I will find you, Castiel. We will always find each other.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize to those who have been reading and waiting for an update, but tbh I've had major writer's block with this story.


End file.
